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scarlett 36, Female, Bahamas - 161 entries

Sep 2007
3:37 PM EDT

so...he crashed. In virginia. He's fine but the car was totaled. i wont be seeing him this weekend. we are back together. im not sure how. i love him. damn it all. im going to visit him at his house in PA in october. i dont understand myself.

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prissy 47, Female, Hawaii, USA - 75 entries

Sep 2007
3:09 PM HAST

So, I'm certain i'm not ready to be family again. There's some deep-seated issues I can't really deal with. Part of me wants it to be like it was before when we were kids. But that can never be. There's always that stray word that hurts like hell, that strange tone of voice that resurrects old wounds like demons that have been asleep for years on end. I don't want to go there anymore.
I want to start over. I like being in denial of my past. Actually it's better than that. I choose to turn away from the past and move on to my future. I want to date, maybe someday have my own family, always being successful at work, never giving up on myself. It's so strange though, now and then when I get that phone-call (for whatever reason)and I'm back to feeling confused and stranded.
So I must find peace within myself for those things.
There'll probably be a part of me that will always be vulnerable to my family's words. But for the most part, I'm free now, I'm away from all of the hurt and pain. That's so sad that that's how i relate to them. That's how I remember them. It's all been hurt and pain. It's all been lies and back-stabbing. One out-doing the other in being hurtful. Jesus! That's all I can think of when it comes to family. That sucks.
Well that doesn't have to be the case anymore.
I could just not talk to dad and mom, and if I ever get married, give them an invitation, and just do the formalities. As far as Danny, I love him, don't really get along with his hench-people. But they come together, so that's the way I have to take it.

Tonight though, Dean asked me to go out with him, as in for a little while, as in be his you-know-what. Hmm.. Interesting. I think I'll go with it for a bit, and feel it out. Get to know him some, and take it from there.
We'll be a good team if all goes well.
Sweet dreams my child. Dream sweet. You deserve it. You've come a long way from being the hunted. The witches and warlocks aren't in sight. Walk on to peace, and comfort, and safety. Live with the butterflies, swim with the dolphins and nestle in rainbows. Don't forget to redeem your ticket for a pot of gold. And look, a scottish man has it in his hands.
Good night Journal.

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banglesaway 40, Female, Indiana, USA - 21 entries

Sep 2007
8:59 AM EDT

Blah...

I miss him so much. Since he told me he's doing "stuff" now...really put mind in line. Makes you cherish every conversation, so much more. I do, already....as if I couldn't already enough...

I swear if anything were to ever happen to him...i wouldn't make it.

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berries7cinnamon 38, Female, Singapore - 20 entries

Sep 2007
8:24 AM EDT

Last Friday was my company's Dinner & Dance.

I made 2 of my colleagues to accompany me to go. The thing about this is that, it's supposed to be something fun and enjoyable, but somehow it turned out to be bad. Nobody's interested to be in the same table with our dear boss. I have nothing against her but that also doesn't mean I like her as well. I don't like everybody these days; people whom I don't regard as my friends. So much anger and hate these days.

In the end, Yang Li were buddies with people from BD and so we decided to form a table with 'em. So there's only 5 of us forming a table, half filled. I didn't count our boss yet.

However, on that day, the people from BD weren't able to form a table with us because an email was sent quite last minute to inform them that they have to sit with the industrial people. Sad story.

I really love this dress that I bought for this occassion. Actually, even if I didn't go for this D&D, I would still buy that dress because it's something I've been searching for all these time. Something that I really want.

Sharing a table with our boss is actually no big deal, but to be honest, I totally find D&D boring and I didn't enjoy myself at all.
I feel lonely to be in this event, though I'm surrounded by people. Dr Wong is in our table and we all know how fierce she is, but she's our boss's friend; GOOD friend. And many other powerful people. So, how can I possibly enjoy this damn dinner?

After the D&D, 2 of my colleagues just go off like that because their hubbies were there to pick them up. So that only left me with our boss, and another colleague who didn't sit with us in the same table. She's got her own friends, so she probably find it fun, while I find it so full of... nonsense. =_=
We took some pictures before going off but now that I look at those pictures, I feel like deleting 'em away because my smiles were so damn fake.

This is my first and last time ever going to this kind dumb event. I don't even have anyone whom I considered as friends to enjoy it with, so what's the point of wasting my time. Argh~

Though boss is kind enough to drive me out so that she can drop me off at the MRT station, when it's within 5-10 minutes walk, but I still appreciate it. Probably she may find it lonely to walk to the carpark on her own. Well, me too; lonely to walk off that place ALONE.

I got home dead tired wondering why in the world did I even make the effort to go anyway.

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shootingstar420 30, Female, California, USA - 72 entries

Sep 2007
8:11 AM EDT

Hi Long TIme No Talk :D :<
U Know Sum Of The Pain Is Going away :<
Im In Even More Pain Sumtimes
He Has A Girlfriend :..(
If Only I COuld Tell My Heart TO Stop Thinking About Him
My Mind Has ITs Mind Set But My HEart Doesnt
Y God Y Does It Have To Be HIm!!!
These Tears Dont Stop
Im Still In Pain And I Cant Take IT Away:(
Well U Know I Said Id Forget About HIm
Ill Try My Best :)

Now Another Thing Thats A Problem In my Life Is My Parents Fights :(
They Are Always Fighting Not Always But Most Of The TIme
I Cant Stand It
Im Scared They Might Divorce Sumtime :.(
I Wish Everything was like b4 But The Past Is The Past
I Always Wanted Parents To Cum Up To Me And Say How Was Skool
Or Y R U Mad Y R U Sad Do u Want To Talk About It R U OK??
They Just Watch Me Dont Do Nothing Y Cant They Talk TO Me
Like Parents In Tv Do
I Wont Make That Mistake With My Kids :)
i Wont Bcuz My Parents Mistake Wont Be Made Again By Me
Theyll Be The Past
Yeah Riight :D

Well Guess What I MAde It Through Six Grade And I Am Now A Toilet Washer Lol Or
A Seventh Grader Im Not A Scrub!!! :D Yay!!
i Met diffrent People Im Hoping TO Meet More People Now
This Is Berly The begging Right :D
Im Happy Hey I Talked to Anthony Again :)
He Sat NExt to Me In Art Class And Rafa sat Next To Him
THey Are Really Kool
Idk Y My Friends Hate Rafa He Is Really A Kool Guy
Anthony Was Always Bugging Me like Hitting my Leg
We Are Still Friends Again I Guess
We Stopped Talking For Awhile
But Now We Talk Alittle More
Yeah So Thats All Thats Happen

So Il Write To u LAter Ok Laterz :D

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banglesaway 40, Female, Indiana, USA - 21 entries

Sep 2007
6:34 PM EDT

It's not ....

....even abouthim being physically here at this pt.
It's about knowing he's safe...that his safetyis secure...that it's there andhe's outta harms way.

and there's no guarantee. it's what keeps me up at night.

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jgonyea 41, Female, Georgia, USA - 6 entries

Sep 2007
4:53 PM EDT

Things are finally turning around, today I had a job interview and she told me that she had to check my refrences and she would call me tomorrow, and also some side work that I can do at home from Tony. This should give me some financial freedom from Danny, and I think lessen the strain that my financial dependecy has put on our relationship.

I really need to get my act together, and start studying for the GRE and the GACE...I want to get into grad school by summer, so that does not leave very long for me to get all of this done. Now that I am in the process of getting a job, I should be able to start registering for the tests....now all I have to do is study :(

Tags: one step forward

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scarlett 36, Female, Bahamas - 161 entries

Sep 2007
4:08 AM EDT

soo...connor is coming today. in nine hours...more or less. oh my god. what have i done? what the hell have i done? i know that this isnt a good idea....i know that it isnt...but i did it anyway. why didi do it? do i still love him as much as i sometimes think that i do? IS this just a booty call? is that what we have become? is that what three years means to him (and to me) now? i dont think that i am going to be ok with this but hey...i got myself into this...im going to have to get myself out....what if he died on the way here? No…I don't want him to die…of course not. also….f*ck.

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Diane 48, Female, Iowa, USA - 26 entries

Sep 2007
12:06 PM CDT

Went to Dr Turner today feeling itchy, scratchy red and miserably as usual pollen count (PC) 7.6 todaytook 1 Prednisone (PED) and 1 Cephalexin (CEP)both around 5pm having to use a little tuna to get the CEP down will not take this one on his own...yet

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TruGrayce 61, Female, Washington, USA - 33 entries

Sep 2007
4:28 AM PST

It's been awhile since I've last written. So much has happened..where should I start? Well, I'm working again. In May Iaccepted an offer to join a great compnay as a Business Development Manager and all is going well there.

Omar (the younger man I met in January) and I are just friends now or that's the direction I aiming for. He's a nice guy but he has way too many issues thatONLYHE can resolve. But I wish him the best and pray that he finds what he needs to be happy.

The kids are back at school and I'm considering going back to school myself. It just hit me that I should look into my options. So I'm gathering infomation and who knows what will come next

. I had a blast at my family reunion in Omaha. My birthday was awesome last month and the girls brought me breakfast in bed (it was sweet).

Things are really FAB and I'm looking forward to the holidays...I love Thanksgiving and Christmas.

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