view member journals

"Heart To Heart"

As we sit here on a blanket underneath

the brightly lit stars,

It is a warm night,you lay your arms around me,

and every thing else fades away.

you kiss me ever so sofly,your warm tender touch

it lets me know I'm protected.

Oh,on this sweet night,

This moment we share,there's no other place I

want to be,except sharing this memory with you.

You are ever so sweet,as the wind blows through

my hair.

You have completly swept me off my feet,on this

special night beneath the stars.

By:satinlady

�

�

"Marriage"

Marriage should be love,

all happy and free.

Our love grows stronger

day by day.

Marriage is sacrafice,

always giving of each other self,

with loving rewards.

Commitment is part of being married.

always being completly loyal of each other.

Marriage is forever,but yet still free.

Our lives makes love,sacrafices,and commitment

a promise forever and by doing it we are happy

in marriage.

After so much had happened, I finally was able to smile a little and even feel excited.

My Takeru is here. Actually he arrived last Saturday and I received a call from the Post Office. I went to collect him on Wednesday and my heart pounded with excitment.

When I got home and opened the parcel, he's beautiful! I love his resin, his hands and every part of him. I haven't take pictures of him yet because he's naked (though still beautiful and sexy) and he doesn't has his face up done yet.

Even without his face painted, I don't feel afraid of him or even thought of him as creepy.

The wig that comes with him, well I think I might have to cut off some of it. Because the fringe covered half of his beautiful face! The eyes, they are blue. I was hoping that I would get green. I think blue is fine.

The only slight, small problem is the head cap. There's something wrong with the alignment, so the cap doesn't fit well on the opening. Other than that, I have no complains at all.

Sending him back would be my last solution because I don't think I would be able to part with him.

I thought I had to wait till end of September, and I had almost wanted to sing 'Wake me up when September ends'. It really was a pleasant surprise.

Path of life

The path of life,I need to explore,

every bend in lifes curves.

I will enjoy lifes desires along my

way,down thislifes path.

Comfort in my friends,to share sad

moments with,when things crosses my

path of this life.

When the time ends,I can say that within

my heart friends where there to enlighten

my strnghth down the path of life.

By:satinlady

Who are real friends apart from the fakes. Something that people maybe never know, or could eventually find out. Secrets and lies are what keeps everything apart, sometimes you never know what to believe or who to believe. No one can keep a promise, or really seem to keep a friend loyal, or to even hold a secret from everyone and not tell a soul.

A true real friend is someone who can let the little things slide, and the big ones into small. Who will be there, not all the time but hopefully most of it. Someone who doesn't talk behind each others backs, and cares and loves their best friends. I just want one whos going to stay loyal to me.

Jessica Boucher, you seem to be up there on my best friends. Ever since everything happened I now see you differently, I wish we didn't go and some things didn't happen and that I didn't feel this way. I'm sorry I broke our promise, but I guess I was just doing it so you would stop doing it yourself, because right now its not me who you should be worried about in that category. I'm worried about you, and whats going on with you. I feel like we're going to grow apart, because right now its hard to have a converstaion with you because im still thinking about everything. I'm sorry, I wish I wasn't feeling this way, and I hate it, because I know your never like that. I'm just sorry for everything, and I wish you wouldn't get hurt by Ben, but I think you're going to. He likes you, but he loves Kristen. But as for us, I do love you, and I hate to see you this way.

Ben Stokes, so we hang out keep it secret. I lie to Jordan you have my back, you keep my secrets and you talk to me about my problems. You're like my older brother but so much better. I'm scared to trust you only because your so close to Jordan, and I'm not sure what you two talk about. Sometimes I think you tell him things I dont want you to, and thats why I'm so paranoid about trusting you, but other then that you're an amazing guy. I dont want you to be sad, and thats why I took you out. I hate how we text over 50 times a day and we have to pretty much hide it. I'm so glad your like a brother because then things will never be weird. I'm so thankful that we started to talk, your a good friend and right now thats all i need. You unlike a lot of others actually seem to care, and thats still really weird for our friendship. It's wierd to even call you a friend, or to hang out. I'm glad when we do hang out alone though that its not awkward and its not really messed up or anything. Thanks for being there for me Benny. You're better then you give yourself credit for, thanks for looking out for me too, and wanting the best for me. You mean a lot.

Victoria Johnson and Anne Merrifield, you both can go in one. You're pretty much joined by the hip, you do everything together and spend every minute you can with each other. I wish I had a best friend like that, but at the same time I'm really glad I dont! You two are my closest friends. I wish I wasn't sick right now, the first time I ever got drunk was with you guys, first time ever trying weed was with you guys too. I do a lot of my firsts with you guys. I'm just not all like you two, you two are partyers not so much for me, I love doing it though its so much fun I just dont know if i can handle it all the time. Now I'm sick from it. I hope I'm better soon so I can hang out with you guys again! I'm so happy I can talk to you both about anything, but I dont like how you get mad but it doesnt' really matter. I love you guys anyways. I dont know what I would do without you guys.

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER I can almost garentee that.

I really hate a lot of people. I honestly, hate a lot of people!! And there are so many flaws of people that I really can't stand.& there are so many flaws in myself, that I really wish didn't exist. It's easier said than done to love yourself and be happy for yourself and who you are. I'm not happy with myself. I don't love myself. I used to, i'll admit. but it has disapeared, and i feel like i have disappeared as well. i no longer feel in touch with myself, or with anyone for that matter. i kind of want to crawl into a hole for a little bit and take a deep look at myself just as an attempt to find me. i miss who i used to be, before highschool started. i miss being able to actually keep a secret;instead i have to tell one person. usually word travels fast. it sucks, and i hate it. but its all life i guess! i really wish i could grow out of this immature phase me and some of my friends are in right now. im kind of deciding between going after something i shouldnt, and just leaving things be. yeah it kind of seems obvious when i say it like that -- but its not. its hard. its difficult, tiring and i guess maybe im too lazy of a person mentally to keep up with it. all i have to say isi miss things. i really truly miss things and im tired of this person i have become. im just plain tired.

I couldn't use two more perfect words for who I am and what I'm feeling then scared and paranoid about everything. I can't stand being alone, and every second it feels like someone is watching me or finding out about a new one of my secrets. I'm worried about trust, friendships, family, enemies. I don't know who I can trust anymore who if anyone can even trust me. Nothing seems to make me satisfyed lately, and everything Im doing is putting myself lower and lower, drinking drugs and a hell of a lot of lying. Who am I anymore, theres no excuse for any of my actions. I'm just acting really stupid, and immature.

I hate it.

Yeah, im a little upset. But what can I do. I can't force anyone else to do anything. I can't change anyone. I have to live with what i've got. sometimes that seems really hard. & it is. and i hate it.
im tired of trying so hard sometimes, iwanna let everything go and start over fresh. but its not that easy. and i wish it was.

:@