today on my way home from dinner with my family.. as i sat in the back seat of my car... i was thinking about all my problems.. i could almost hear the background music they put in movies when the girl fights with the guy and they both look out the window at the rain.... so i started thinking... and none of that is true... so many lives end everyday without a happy ending... the stories in popular romantic songs are not true...life is just not like that... ever since i was little movies like cindirella and other disney productions have had me thinking that no matter what happens love always finds a way... and that it is so full of great surprises.. well at least the last part is true. except that the surprises are not always good ones... actually they are almost always terrible... and prince charming is dead... and chivalry died with him.. men in our generation expect to get a maid when they start a relationship.. at the beginning they can�t get enough of you... the little by little they start to show the real side of them... and let me tell you its not pretty.. my boyfriend and i (yes we�re still together) are gonna be 5 years old as acouple.. in may... and now.. i know men are jerks.... and most of the reason that life is not�a fairy tale is because of them.. all girls expect to find a prince waiting for them.. and all the guy needs to do is make that simple wish come true.. is it too much to ask for a guy to open the door for us... to hug us and give us their jacket when we�re cold... to kiss our pains gently away.. i think not... and its hard enough trying to keep the flame alive while the guy is being a total jerk sitting infront of the tv. watching football� withough them treating us so bad.... i for one. plan not to cry for a guy ever againn.. imagine.. if he treats me bad NOW... imagine if we got MARRIED!!!�
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hi again! well, since the lasttime i wrote, i´ve been trying to get my boyfriend fixed.. but it just doesnt seem to work and i´m getting pretty tired of it, i dont think he really cares what happens to me and justhas me there for kissing or whatever,but its not fair on me so i´m going to show him the real me. i´ll explain the rest tomorrow... i´m just so sick of the way he treats me!!
i´m sooo sad.... i hate fighting with my boyfriend!! but i can´t let him walk all over me can i?? and i know many girls go through this and it sucks!! :(... this happened yesterday: i live like right next to my church and we had band practice (i sing he plays guitar) so i asked him to walk me home (but he´s been nervous about being outside my house since the kidnapping) so he told me tocall my dad and tell him to pick me up.. my dad couldn´t so i told him (joking) that my dad said that that was what i had HIM for.. so he got mad and told me that it wasn´t his responsability and that my parents thought that just because he was my boyfriend he HAD to do everything for me...(which I think is the way things should be {not that i mentioned that though})so i told him to stay and not walk me home.. and i told some other friends to come with me and he came anyways.. he called me last night and i didn´t pick up.. today he called me again but since i didn´t pick up.. he sent me a message that said:don´t even think i want to talk to you.. i just wanted to remind you that today is my parent´s anniversary. RIGHT!! he didn´t need to call to tell me that!! but o well... :S...
I was kidnapped yesterday.. obviously i'm fine now.. but it was a terrible experience.. i was with my boyfriend, he was dropping me off at my house. when i was about to go inside two men came infront of us and told us to get in the car... i got scared so i went quietly..my boyfriend asked them to let me go and take him butthey said that if we stayed calm nothing would happen to us because all they wanted was the car which was a bmw 530... i quickly sent a text message to my dad and put the phone on silent... then they told us to give them our cell phones.. so i did. then they asked for our papers, my boyfriend told them that i didnt have anything on me so i didnt give them my wallet.. they took us around town for like an hour.. we prayed quietly most of the ride.. and the guy who was driving kept getting calls from his fellow theives and he talked about sending us to another car... they suddenly stoped and one guy told us to get out and walk through a small mountain that was there. when they left, my boyfriend started yelling at some cars to please help us.. one woman stopped and gave us a ride and let us call my parent since his were on a trip.. my dad picked us up and thankfully we are fine..
i've been depressed lately. my birthday was this october 3.. and he didn't give me anything... anything at all. not even a candy or a card.. or a flower... this was my worst birthday ever.. i turned 18 and even though i got many calls, messages and posts on my facebook page... it was soo boring.. all i did was have cake with my parents and my boyfriend...BORING!! anyways.. but i guess its ok.. i don't need gifts right?? yeah whatever.. i may not be all about material stuff but i still love gifts! :(.. so i guess thats it..
okay... so lately everything has been ok with my boyfriend... i know i have control over him because when he gets mad all i have to do is ignore him and do what i want to and he'll come crawling back to me and try to just ignore what happened. so that´s great.. i've lived in fear of him because i thought that he would leave me but now i know that he won't.. he's actually very scared of losing me, and that gives me all the power and authority that i need.. basically i can do whatever i want and if he starts to argue yell a little and walk away.. he´ll stay pouting stubbornly for a while and then he'll come looking for me... yay!
well i couldn't go through with it... i couldn't break up with him.. i think we can make it better right? there has to be something there... or maybe its just to kiss.. cause he really says he likes our kisses, and everytime we fight he thinks he can solve it all with kisses... and i love to kiss him but a reltionship cannot revolve around or be all about kisses... right? so i'm going to give it one more shot.. but if it doesn't work out then it will have to end....
i guess all i need right now is someone i can trust.. someonei cantell whatever is on my mind and won't take it too seriously cause he/she knows i'm just getting it all out. and that most of the things i say will not be relevant or may be 100% stupid but i need to say them....
i decided to start an online journal because i normally find that i can express my thoughts easier through writing. right now i'm in a relationship that has been going on for four years. however, lately i've been having a lot of trouble with my boyfriend. i graduated from highschool in june and my parents wanted to send me away to college, however, my boyfriend told me that i couldn't leave because it wasn't fair to him because he had stayed for me (he graduated two years earlier) and that if i left wewould have to break up.now, he wants to go study to another country and when i told him that if he left we were going to break up he sayed i wasn´t backing him up or being there for him. i´m getting tired of playing the sweet girlfriend while he gets to act all tough and sexist. but i think i still love him too much. i've never been with someone else and we´ve been dating since i was 13 so it makes it really hard on me because i don't know if i can´t break up with him cause i really love him or if i'm just scared of being alone. some guys (friends of mine) have told me that i'm too good for him and what not but i feel that this is their duty as a friend and they cannot be honest with me. i have another not- so- close friend whose been wanting me to kiss him lately (not happening) but i think he's just trying to trick me into doing something so he can tell my boyfriend.. i think i don't have any real friends because i might have dumped them for him. i don't know what to do because everytime i try to talk to him i forget what i was going to say and when i do say it, he just hugs me and says i'm sorry but nothing ever changes!!
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