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Cory and I are engaged! well, I don't have the ring on my fingeryetbut we bought our rings Sat! I am sort of hoping that I get my engagement ringfor Valentines Day! WOOHOO! It is so beautiful and HUGE! THANKS TO his ex! OH, so anyway, lots of other stuff going on but I'm too busy right now,,, more later!

THANK YOU GOD for CORY! He's the most wonderful man and I am so happy we are going to be together forever! GOD YOU are AWESOME!

How can I make my kids understand that less is more? I guess it has to start with me. I have to follow that myself. I dont need 8 pairs of jeans. I dont need the latest and greatest gadget. I dont need 10 bags of groceries a week, when our cabinet is already overflowing.

Less is more, and more is less. I will be full with less, and more will make me sick. Someday, someday, I will accomplish this.

Maybe someday I can apply this to my innerself as well. Speaking less is often more as well. Listening is better than speaking.

I just don't know anymore...there are so many songs that i cn relate too, but not perfectly..

im so confused, and i don't know how to get it out in words..i just need to get my anger out... compared to some my life is perfect,some mightsay..but try living a week in my shoes, the confusion is immense, i just don't know what i want anymore.

i just want someone who i can stop the world and melt with..i cant begin to explain.

Sometimes I wish I would just die. Seriously, there are so many different ways that I can kill myself and it won't even look like suicide. People would just think it was an accident. I've thought about it a lot...different ways...when I would do it...would I write a letter...would I call someone right before and tell them why...who would I tell... A few times I've had it all planned out. But, then someone would surprise me and temporarily make me forget my problems. The real problem is that my problems aren't the type that just go away. They are always there, I carry it with me everyday. Sometimes I can't figure out why I'm not already dead. By some standards I should be dead. It would make it so much easier. I sometimes feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I carry with me the fact that my father molested me for about 5 years and until about 2 months ago, I still lived in the same house as him. The fear that I felt everyday and every night, even after it had stop, was unbearable.. And still is... It has some type of hold on me and won't let go. I feel myself slipping deeper and deeper, until soon there won't be any deeper than a 6 foot grave.

Dear Journal,

Well, let's start off with today is my sister's birthday and she's 20 oh my god:] my sister i used to play gold fish, talent shows, barbies, and barbie computers games with is 20 fucking years old. Life's going by so fast i remember when i first moved here in 3rd and now im in 7th omg. it's already been 5 years. Well, i got a cat Shadow in october and guess what hes a black cat and dont say hes bad luck because he's not . I read online if you let a black cat into your house it's good luck. Anyways, my teacher was on the news today it was so cool. A 9th grader at the highschool but her in a headlock i was like whoahh!

today in school my crush was in the hallways and he looked at me so right now your like wtf? he looked at you big woopdie doo stfu it's good for me. Im not that type of girl with naturally straight hair and perfect skin. I have curly hair and I have to straighten it for like 5 hours every week . I take showers I just put a cap on so i dont damage my hair. there is so much judging at my school and it's not even funny. Well, anyways i missed religon yesterday cause i didnt feel like going i was SO tired it wasnt even funny. Saturday, we might go to red lobster to celebrate my sister's birthday i cant wait we're having cake in a few minutes yayayayayay! ITS ICECREAM CAKE OHH EMM GEE. Well, i better go before my mom and my sister start eating . LOL

Lovee,

That Spanish Girl:]

Dear Journal,

Well, let's start off with today is my sister's birthday and she's 20 oh my god:] my sister i used to play gold fish, talent shows, barbies, and barbie computers games with is 20 fucking years old. Life's going by so fast i remember when i first moved here in 3rd and now im in 7th omg. it's already been 5 years. Well, i got a cat Shadow in october and guess what hes a black cat and dont say hes bad luck because he's not . I read online if you let a black cat into your house it's good luck. Anyways, my teacher was on the news today it was so cool. A 9th grader at the highschool but her in a headlock i was like whoahh!

today in school my crush was in the hallways and he looked at me so right now your like wtf? he looked at you big woopdie doo stfu it's good for me. Im not that type of girl with naturally straight hair and perfect skin. I have curly hair and I have to straighten it for like 5 hours every week . I take showers I just put a cap on so i dont damage my hair. there is so much judging at my school and it's not even funny. Well, anyways i missed religon yesterday cause i didnt feel like going i was SO tired it wasnt even funny. Saturday, we might go to red lobster to celebrate my sister's birthday i cant wait we're having cake in a few minutes yayayayayay! ITS ICECREAM CAKE OHH EMM GEE. Well, i better go before my mom and my sister start eating . LOL

Lovee,

That Spanish Girl:]

I arrived back in Vista around 630ish. Stopped by the bank to deposit my winnings!! I put in $300 after i spend some money on some cute lingerie for the trip and long underwear. the lingerie is soooo cute.. its black with red hearts on the bra part. Its a sheer babydoll and it clips in the front, so excellent! I cannot wait to wear it for steven..

I changed my returning flight back home to the 21st. I'm goin to stay in south dakota for almost a week, am i crazy? I must really like this guy. I've never donethis before. It kinda makes me scared. I've never spent the week, let alone.. fly almost across the country.. for someone to be with someone. I was thinking about it, and i've seen him a whole 4 times!!! And i'm already getting on a plane .....

I did an add on case today. Seth was my resident. Told me i should come party with him again like we did on his birthday. haha.. good times. Maybe i'll bring out steven with me if he's partying downtown again.. that would be sweet.

And I actually have2 cases tomorrow. granted the timing is kinda fucked up but it gives me time to get some gyros at that greek chicken place that i like and i can stop by burlington coat factory to see if they have that one coat!