Random Retarded Rantings

The person I admire the most was my grandmother.� Of course�she is no longer living, but she had the most admirable qualities of anyone I have known.� I wish to be like her someday.�

She was a very fair person.� She had 4 children and a bagillion and a half grandkids and great grandkids.� We were all treated equal.�� At Christmas time, we all got the same gifts.�� There was no favoritism or behavior of such.

She was a very honest person.� You asked her what she thought and she told you.�

She never made you feel as if you were less of a person even if she disagreed with you.� She let you have your own thoughts and feelings, but loved you the same no matter what.

She included everyone.� She always had an extra plate at meal times for a stranger or an extra friend.�� She always had a gift for an unexpected guest at Christmas time.�

She was kind and generous, honest and fair.�

I would like to think that I have some of those qualities, but I will always strive to be just like her.�

Well, I would probably be a doctor. I went into nursing school to bridge my way to medical school. Of course that never occurred, mostly because I liked nursing after I got involved with it, but I didn't go into pre med right away because I was afraid of failing, and afraid I was not smart enough.

If I weren't afraid of being a failure ... applying it to my career now... I would probably have an advanced degree and have my CCRN. But I am afraid of failing the tests or not doing well in class. I may still take my CCRN test, but I am not going to announce that I have taken it until I have passed it.

My finest moment? Hmmm... The first and most immediate thing that comes to mind was giving birth! An experience I would not only do again, but sometimes I even crave to have another child. The whole pregnancy and childbirth experience is the greatest most single events that I have ever been through. It's a lot of hard work, and there is even a prize at the end of the experience! A wailing 7 pound slippery wrinkled infant!

A challenge that I have overcome?? Hmmm.... There are two that I can think of. One is a physical challenge, or more physical in nature. I was able to drive a fully loaded moving truck pulling my car behind it from Minnesota to Indiana driving through Chicago during rush hour without incident. After doing that, I knew I could accomplish anything! The other which is more emotional in nature, was/is (it's a work in progress) dealing with family drama and learning how to work through it all. It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do emotionally, outside of grieving for my grandmother.

I was once a plain peice of wood. And those around me have carved me into who I am today. I don't feel as if I am being whittled away anymore. There have been times that I have felt like if I did ONE more thing for someone else then I would be giving more than what I had to offer, and I would no longer be me. I have felt as if someone wanted to mold me or carve me into something I am not. I resisted... and kept my shape. My inner core, when I am strong in mind, keeps me strong in body. It isn't easy to do when you feel weak. And that is when people are most likely to carve away at you more... when you are weak. Keeping myself strong in mind requires me to keep my body strong. They intertwine with each other... it is all connected.

How can I make my kids understand that less is more? I guess it has to start with me. I have to follow that myself. I dont need 8 pairs of jeans. I dont need the latest and greatest gadget. I dont need 10 bags of groceries a week, when our cabinet is already overflowing.

Less is more, and more is less. I will be full with less, and more will make me sick. Someday, someday, I will accomplish this.

Maybe someday I can apply this to my innerself as well. Speaking less is often more as well. Listening is better than speaking.