It seems I put random things in the Public space 2day is 1 of those days this entry contains the intro of what i'm bout 2 say and wat i'm bout 2 say. Wat i'm bout 2 say is 2 letters. If u haven't guessed wat it is yet r the intro bored u. HI!
We agreed that it would be a good idea for us to call the school and get the info for ourselves since D wasn't doing it. So the call went well, at first attempt there was a voice message that told that the school has been�closed since June and would be in session on 8/8. Wondered where they are, decided to call back.�Ok, so a second call prompted someone at the school to answer.
We have a booklet on the school coming in the mail and hoping that it answers our questions.
D. came home and said that he'd called the school (good!!) and left a message (not so good). We shared what we learned and he went on to say that he's thinking that he school is "ghetto". Huh? How's that? I think that he's got to go see for himself, next week for sure. Then we'll know for sure if the school is going to be a benefit to him. If he's not going to attend that school then the internship would end-at least I think so anyway. For sure, what then, cause he's GOT to do something! Sweeping hair for min. wage is definately not going to keep his boat floating.
The rescue part came in that Bear called D. right after he talked to the school and let him know that he had done it which in my way of thinking lets D. think he doesn't have to do it for himself. I thought our call should have been for our info only and that D. needed to seek the info on his own.
I need to see D. taking steps to improve himself by himself, we need to�LET him. My husband is a rescuer and I love that about him but right now�that behavior�could be making things in the long run worse for D.
I've been told that we are enabling D. What is his motivation to do better when we're carrying his burdon?�
With that thought I am sencing a�coming shift in our support of D. I need to let�that resonate for awhile. Also I want to see what comes of D's visit to the school. ($800 fee up front)�
What would you do with your life today if you weren't afraid of failure?
I'd play the lottery one more time...LOL
It's Tuesday, that means the Duke will go back to work. It is hard to have him around the house, yesterday he gave me the silent treatment(after he woke up at noon!)�except for once he said something to me that I don't remember right now, it wasn't a bad thing so I thought�maybe he was starting to get over himself!
We are expecting him to contact that school today, we've been waiting for him to enroll in it�for the last month. I don't get what his procrastination is all about. Why not get the ball rolling? The sooner he meets his goals the sooner he can get on with his life and be happy. Makes sense to us.
We're sick of having talks with him, they're useless. He sits there and agrees with us until we're done talking and then he does nothing! It's maddening! I lost it last Friday when I saw his car across town when he was supposedly at work. We called him, of course he doesn't answer right away(damn caller ID)�but then calls back. Dad picked up cause I was driving, he just asked him where he was and D says, "Why?" well, doesn't that just tell you it all right there? If he's going to ask why I believe that was a stall tactic while he figures out whether to lie or not.
Well he tells us that he was sick at work and needed to leave. Obviously not so sick as to need to come home tho. I pulled over and got on the line, I told him that I thought that by not coming home and choosing to hang out at his friend's house�it's the same as�lying because if we didn't randomly spot his car we wouldn't have known and we believe he wouldn't have told us. This is not going to fly with us. We are in a time of desparation - he needs this job in the worst way and especially needs all the money he can get. Take a day off when it's not absolutely necessary(like you need to go to the hospital), you miss out on the pay, you come up short between paychecks, you're puttin your hand out to US!!
There lies the rub. For anyone reading this, that's an expression for: there is the problem. OUR Problem: we are his parents, we agreed to help him by paying all his bills till he gets through the school, which btw�we don't seem to be able to make�him start! The bills are steep and requiring a sacrifice from us. We are sacrificing while he's running around. What's wrong with this picture?? I keep thinking that we need to consult with a specialest, someone who can�tell us�if we're doing the right thing, are we jeopordizing our own security, are we helping him in the best way for his betterment?
Sigh.....anyway, I ended up yelling at him on the phone that day and saying, "There's a thin line between you and the road!" I feel sorry to have had to say that but then I�think I'm justified because we have an agreement and he has to be responsible, he must not loose this job. It's a wonderful opportunity and I hope he sees that.
For the Duke to sneak a day off is showing lack of responsibility and disregard for the opportunity he's been given and disrespect for the sacrifices we're making for him to start over. I thought I was disappointed when he got fired from the last great job but we're sinkin to lower lows now.
Before I write him off completely let's see what today brings. Like the quote for today tells us, our love can find the imperfect person perfect.
August is always the worst month for me.
I've been sick AND having to spend more time IN the office, which doesn't give me time to make web notes.� They all go in my hand-held journal.�
o Interviewed DevilBoy for a Windows Engineering position.� I like him and think he'd make a good addition to the team.� We have 1 more interview to do (tomorrow), but so far we already like candidate 1.�
o WICK exploded on Monday.� Imploded?� The Dev & QA environment Content Push scripts failed because someone changed them.
�- Documentation showed that the DOCU server had NFS mounted shares from Oceanus and PAN.� That means when OH servers write out to DOCU, the data is immediately available on Pan and Oceanus.� Instead, some JACKHOLE set up rsync to copy the files rsync over ssh into Pan & Oceanus.� So when I changed the root password on those servers...BAM.� All their scripts stopped working.
- Thanks Lloyd.� Your incompetence has bitten me right in the ass yet again.
- Spent most of the day analyzing the issues and playing phone tag with the WICK pricks.� 5:20PM the last script edit is done and I sent out notification to everyone back east to try it first thing in the AM.� If my fixes continue to work without issue, then Chops and I are going to run through QA and let the pricks test it.
- Script changes will be done in PROD on Friday before I change the root password.
My day is done.� I had planned to go into the office on Wednesday for the interview but considering how badly my body reacted this morning, I think I may stay home and do it via conference.
In moving-slow he has no Peer.
You ask him something in his ear;�
He thinks about it for a Year;
And, then, before he says a Word
There, upside down (unlike a Bird)
He will assume that you have Heard—
A most Ex-as-per-at-ing Lug.
But should you call his manner Smug,
He'll sigh and give his Branch a Hug;
Then off again to Sleep he goes,
Still swaying gently by his Toes,
And you just know he knows he knows.
Be kind and tender to the Frog,
�� And do not call him names,
As ‘Slimy skin,’ or ‘Polly-wog,’
�� Or likewise ‘Ugly James,’
Or ‘Gape-a-grin,’ or ‘Toad-gone-wrong,’���
�� Or ‘Billy Bandy-knees’:
The Frog is justly sensitive
�� To epithets like these.
No animal will more repay
�� A treatment kind and fair;
At least so lonely people say
Who keep a frog (and, by the way,
They are extremely rare).
"Business cards, of course, are not proof of anything.� Anyone can go to a print shop and have cards made that say anything they like.� The king of Denmark can order business cards that say he sells golf balls.� Your dentist can order business cards that say she is your grandmother.� In order to escape from the castle of an enemy of mine, I once had cards printed that said I was an admiral in the French navy.� Just because something is typed – whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book – this does not mean that it is true."
- p. 46, “Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can’t Avoid,” Lemony Snicket
Well I emailed brother hoping to get him to talk to me, to stay connected. He's not able to open up, he wrote things I don't really understand. He told me that he's not proud of himself, that if I knew�I would feel that way too. He said he cries easily and doesn't know why.�
I think he's very caught up in his life and it's drama.�Too hard to give me just a catch-up in a few words. Perhaps what�we need is a long conversation but I'm�afraid to know too much. I also think he's got to be ashamed when he thinks of me. He referred to the "grown-ups" that I have to deal with and he's not in that group.�
I fwd. the email to C. thinking that maybe she could help me understand it better. She called me late last night. She told me alot. But as I reflect on the events she shared with me I think not much has changed for them, this is why I said to her that "Life goes on, be part of it".
How depressing their life sounds to me. If I didn't know these people and just heard bits and pieces, observed their actions now and then I'd think "what loosers!"
I'm embarressed to say that, that's my family! What the heck are they doing to themselves? Why are they so retarded that they can't get out of this downward spiral they've been in for�the last couple years?
I almost get why Brother is so distructive to his life but I don't get why C. participates the way she does. The conflict they have due to his ongoing affair has their changed�marriage into a twisted, sick game.�That's what C. says is between them now "a game", where she waits for him to make a move and she reacts to it, period. Bummer, I couldn't live like that and my opinion is that it's very sick for them to live this way.
Any hint that she should direct her attention toward her own life and making it better has her defending the marriage or rather what's left of it. She and he are seeing therapists and that's gotta help - someday. But I didn't hear anything different from almost 3yrs. ago when her and I held marathon phone calls, she'd tell me "and then he did this, and then I did that" it's all the same stuff now, no changes.
How can they stand it??
I told her that she won't be young (she's already 40something) forever and does she want to find herself looking in the mirror one day realizing that she spent her last- however many-years growing old waiting for him to become sane. She pretty much said it's already happened. To him as well, she said that he's really looking bad these days. I don't doubt it, they both smoke and he's been abusing painkillers - that's gonna show on the face over time.
I'm just so alone, my brother was the last of my childhood family and I feel I've lost him - for now anyway.
�
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Kitten 70, Female, California, USA - 88 entries
paterbabe 54, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 69 entries