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Okay so my other most recent entry (befor the wedgie one!) explains how annoying and how much i hate my step sister, shes such an idiot, and she talks like a two year old shes like fourteen HELLO?! learn, anyway i said i should go out loads without her coming, i will say my freinds are boring lol theyre not though theyre all awesome, exept for a few.... anyway, maybe i should watch starwars to bore her to death lmao,then when she goes i will put on a film she loves called clueless, and i love it too, but starwars isnt that boring to me, but it probably is to her, shes one of those people that when they dont find things to accomodate them, theyre always bored, no matter what. anyway, im not letting her get in the way of my totall pamper day, its a day in everymonth (usually on the 6th dunno why!) and i relax and have a face mask and a bath and put my feet up and watch a film and try not to lift a finger, and i dont let people do things for me!!!

my bro gave me a wedgie lol

I can't even count how often I used to say that I was negligent. Leaving a couple of days, weeks between posts. Well, now I've left more than 8 months go by. I wonder if anyone's noticed. Probably not.�I'm unnoticable, and that's how�I like it. Because all the ones who no one notices rule the world.

So, what has happened, you ask. A lot has happened.�Charlotte got her first boyfriend. Charlotte broke up with her first boyfriend�(if you know anything about Charlotte [which I'm not sure you do] you will know that is a traumatic event). Charlotte seems to be on the brink of suicide.�Charlotte is scaring me and there is absolutely nothing I can do but stand by her and make her meet with the school counsellor.

In non-Charlotte news, my grandmother may be dying. It's strange--then, what in my life isn't? What is strange is that I don't particularly like my grandmother.�I'm sure that when she dies, I will cry and be sad.�But knowing that my dad is the way he is because of her, and knowing her thoughts and feelings a propos de some things I consider very important, there is a dislike that has built in me (aided and abetted by her long absence in my life) that is persistent and unyielding. Like I said, it's strange.

One thing I feel that I should have done a long time ago is talk about my school friends.�I'm sure I've mentioned them, but I've never really given bios of them, which would be extremely useful in understanding some of my anecdotes about them.

Shall we begin with Charlotte? Okay:

Name:�Charlotte.�Age: Same as me. Life story:�Led a very, VERY sheltered life before coming to the school where we met.�Heavily Protestant at first, but has loosened up since.�Prefers books to people, has an uncharted�obsessive personality�and�a ridiculous tendency to stress about EVERYTHING. I am almost sure that there is a name for people like that, and I'm sure she has whatever disease it is. When�I say everything, I truly mean everything. Then she stresses about the imaginary things that spring from her imagining all the terrible outcomes of her stresses. Yes, complicated. She fell madly in love/lust with a boy.�They went out for five months (practically married) and then he broke up with her. She still pines for him.�He still hesitates before he hangs up the phone, almost as if he started to say "I love you." There's a seemingly complicated life for you. Char is almost impossible to define. She is nonetheless one of my dearest friends.

Next, Malaea:

Name:�Malaea.�Age:�Same as me. Life story: Comes from a very rich family, came from a rich school, plays the clarinet and has a house in Hawaii (which she complains about often). Doesn't seem to understand how blessed she is.�People who don't know her think she's shy and quiet. Is essentially nice, but favourite pastimes include complaining about her life, talking about her life, complaining about her life some more, and telling people to shut up when THEY complain about their lives. I swear, she's actually a nice girl.�It helps that she is tiny and petite and innocent- and sweet-looking. No one suspects the cute one.

Next, Emanuelle:

Name:�Emanuelle.�Age:�Same as me. Life story: Father is an important member of the UN, and therefore travelled around a lot as a child.�Lived most of her life in Africa.�Likes boys (lots of them at once, and not for sex or anything) and shopping and pink. Is constantly pinching our cheeks and telling us how cute and chubby (I still don't get it) we are. Wants to have lots of children.�Will proudly state that she is three years old whenever we ask her how old she is after she does something stupid. Compassionate, but can hardly ever be serious.

Next, Eric:

Name:�Eric. Age: Same birthday as me, so my age. Life story:�Eric is actually a girl.�It's my nickname for her after we read Lord of the Flies in English class, because we have the same birthday and are good friends. She grew up in a very different environment from the rest of us--much less complete and/or in any way normal and/or very loving. Her family treats each other kind of like good friends who they don't like overmuch. Either way, Eric loves shopping, partying, flirting with lots of guys, and telling people she's a dominatrix (now do you see why I have to give you backstory?). She has a twisted sense of humour and revels in any prude's discomfort. Has a great heart, but a seriously crazy mind.

Next, Mara:

Name:�Mara-Sabrina. Age:�Same as me. Life story:�Mara is the one whose life story I'm not going to tell, because then we'd be stuck her for a far, far way into the future. She comes from a family who lives on various parts of the globe, and who all dislike each other in general.�Mara is... well.�Some of her family is well-off.�They don't share the wealth. We call her a hippie. Albeit a hippie with a really bad attitude.�She gets angry easily, but is all organic and earth-friendly and peace-love-grooviness (except for when she doesn't like you). You don't want to get on her bad side.�Has strong opinions about world issues that are rarely the norm.�But hey! That's what we like about her.

Lastly, Gia:

Name:�Gia. Age:�Same as me. Life story:�I saved Gia for last. Because, out of all my friends, I like Gia the least.�In fact,�I don't like her at all.�Call me cruel, go ahead.�I am not the most amiable of people, as everyone who knows me will attest to. But if there's one thing in my life that I abhor more than anything, it is followers. I understand young children idolising their siblings or parents. I understand some people needing guidance from others. I do NOT understand people who pretend to have done things, lie straight to other's faces to try to fit in. Copy what they say, what they do, what they think.�I cannot stand it.�I'm really sorry if you've done that, but really, there is nothing more offensive for me than to be aped by someone I don't even like.�Gia comes from a large Italian�family. She is of less than average intelligence.�Wants to be a vet but doesn't have the grades. Has told us she's bisexual, without showing any preference for women at all--well, except for me. But I'm getting to that. Anyways, what absolutely KILLS me about Gia is that she has no personality.�She does whatever her mother does, or what the stereotype for Italian women is (therefore, to cook and clean and feed everyone and be motherly) or whatever Char and I do. It drives me to absolute distraction.�I'd say she has a good heart, but that could be what her mother told her to be.�She could be vengeful and nasty and we'd never know.�She makes bad jokes ALL the time--bad jokes, the ones that aren't funny.

Here's the part that really disturbs me:�She is always. Staring.�At. Me. All the time.�Without fail.�I really, really don't like it.�It disturbs me.�It has happened since we met, and I have no idea why she does it.�Once I asked, and she said (while staring) "I wasn't staring,�I�swear!" I am almost 100% sure she likes me likes me.�And that makes me really uncomfortable, because I'm not bi or lesbian.�I'm not homophobic at all�(I have a couple of bi or gay friends) but to have that attention directed towards me is unnerving, to understate it.�If it were only staring that she did, I could deal with it.�But being constantly emulated and stared at and generally fawned on by this girl has worn me down to my last shred of sanity. I have NO.�IDEA. what to do.

And, chances are no one's read this far. Oh well. It was mainly to get it off my chest. Now it is out there: I do NOT.�LIKE.�GIA.�

There.�I said it.

That is going to be all for today.�I will try to start posting on a semi-regular basis.

Song recommendation: The Chain, by Fleetwood Mac.�Love that song. Can play some of it on guitar.

Goodbye for now,

~AB

Before I can answer that question I need to start by asking, "What do I expect of myself?"

I have a list of expectations!

�to be happy

�to�take care of myself and stay healthy

�to keep learning new things

�to be generous not selfish

�to be honest with myself and others

�to take the risk for love

�to remain faithful

�to love my kids no matter what

�

I think that covers the deeper expectations and then there are the superficial ones:

�I expect�myself to exercise everyday, shower and dress nice,�do my�hair & make up. In other words I expect myself to get it together everyday.�

�I expect to make the bed and clean up all messes everyday.

�I expect that I will be there if my family needs me for whatever they need.

�I expect that I will not break any laws for any reason.

�I will not let anyone speak of bigotry in my presence.

�I will help you in anyway I can.

That seems like a good start, off hand I can't think of anything else.

So if I expect these (and probably more) from me, I in turn, expect the same from others.

��

EVER�BEEN�DRIVEN�UP�THE�WALL�BY�A�STEP�FAMILY?? i have, but this time its not my step dad, its his daughter i wont say her name but shes so annoying! its my easter holidays 2 weeks off school YEH but shes coming for 10 days of it im gunna try and go out as much as possible without her coming, if she complains i will say "HELLO i have a life, and i dont want to send it staying at home cramped up, i am free for myslef ta" i swear i am all the way up the wall, God please help me, (im a christian by the way) and i really need her to become more matture, give me help anyone.

So once again it has been FOREVER since I've been on here. I've just kind of been crazy busy.

So yeah so much has been happening.

I'm currently in health class and incredibly the school hasn't blocked inboxjournal.�I was surprised. So yeah. I'll prolly get on later and put up a better entry. Or I'll forget.

Oh sugar foot class is over.

byeeeeee.

:)

i''m on again. aren't you surprisedededed.

ahahaha.

sorry hyperness.

so i'm like incredibly happy.

i think i might be starting to get over Alex. Which is oh so incredible also.

he's just a stupid boy.

screw him.

who needs such a stupid boy.

NOT�ME.

HOORAH.

I�is happy.

This day has been kind of incredible.

Tomorrow will be better.

One more day of school then Spring Break BABY.

Hellz to the yeah!(ahahahaha inside joke)

plus gym will be easy tomorrow.

as will geometry.

we is having a FIESTA.

haha.

health will equal really easy again. because i'm done with my project.

i don't particularilly want to go to science for fear of starting to like Alex a lot more again.

But whateverrrr. At least it didn't but me today when the ho Tessa was ALL�over Alex.

Computers is always easy so that will be good.

Tomorrow is gonna be fucking epic.

Ahaha sorry for the strong language there.

We all know I NEVER swear. *wink wink*

haha.

;)

so yeahh.

i'm gone.

AU�REVOIR.

haha.