Not as bad as Char's aunt dying, but....
My mother got a letter from one of the best friends, who lives in the United States. I had mentioned a few times in the past (ie, back when I was young and stupid) that I thought it would be pretty cool to study in the United States. At the time, my parents were against it. They listed all the reasons (for example, the DISTANCE was the big one, but there was also something to do with the way grades are organised there and how�I would have to leave VERY soon, pretty well next year, so that would be a problem... the list was long.) and told me it was unlikely.
However, the kicker is, now that I have STOPPED wanting to go, stopped this ridiculous idea that if I go, my life will be different and better and well "Isn't the US better anyways?", my mother gets a letter from her American friend (who is extremely nice, by the way). She sent along this article about how international students who have the proper marks will get accepted NO MATTER WHAT to certain American colleges. No matter what. As in, no matter the distance or the financial need, if they want you, they will do their utmost to get you. And now, my parents are enthused.
The thing is, I am not. Not as much as I was. I don't want to leave my friends. I have a pretty decent life here, besides the ridiculous trivial things that are bad. Of course, there are problems that run deeper, but for the most part I am semi-content. I guess. The big thing is that I don't want to pick up and leave my piano lessons, my camping group, my friends (especially the ones I don't go to school with), and everything else that I love, that makes me who I am. A year ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity. Now, I feel an incredible amount of pressure to decide--and that's pretty well what I can't do.
There are other things as well. For example, my parents would want me to study to be a doctor or lawyer. Neither of which particularly appeals to me. And what can I say to them? That is what they expect of me. David actually came up to me and said: "If you become a writer, I will never speak to you again." What?! WHAT?! HE IS FREAKING 13 YEARS OLD. He knows NOTHING about wanting something big that you are being pushed away from. He is only saying that because he knows my parents disapprove.
Ugh. Life SUCKS.
Eternal pessimism. I annoy myself. You know it's bad when that happens.
Song suggestion of the day: A Long December, by Counting Crows. Completely and utterly depressing, but very, very pretty.
I am not an idealist. I know things are currently rolling down a hill, and have yet to hit the bottom. I know this for many reasons which I will not list here for the sake of the obscene amount of homework waiting for me.
Until later,
~Annabel
May 19, 2008
��������������������������������������������������������
How exciting it was to travel to work!!!�� People are everywhere and the town is really a buzz with everyone in town for the race.� I was afraid the travel situation would be really difficult but it was not nearly as bad as I expected.� I cruised right into the speedway and was only slightly held up about 3 blocks from the track.� My assignment for the first day at Lowe’s was to work as an “usher”.� When people arrived at the Speedway Club I would direct them to their destination, whether they were there for dinner, shopping, drinks and of course to their seats.� The Speedway Club has over 4500 members who pay at a minimum $ 2700.00 pp to belong.� That is just the membership; they then have to pay for their tickets.� They have access to some of the best seating available.� The club seating is right on the front stretch, enclosed, air conditioned and has very nice cushioned stadium seating.� The day got off to a slow start as we had to be at work at 11:00 and guest really did not start coming until about 3:00.� Gave me a good chance to chat with some of the other works, I had a great group of people I was working with.� Day One finally ended at 11:30.� I drove directly home and went straight to bed – I was beat!
okayy soo sundayy i hung out witthh bestfriend rite :]hes pretty amazing....we walked to wicker park and tlaked or watever then we went to dairy queenn...we hung out all day arm like 3 till 11...i knoe i knoe that dont sound like fun but just being with him satisfies me,sumtimes we dont even do anything but talk i have soo much funn....hes great :] we ll he says that we should be together and that im perfrect 4 em and blahh blahh blahh but he says he aint reday 4 a serious relationship and he cant give me his all rite now..i meanpart of me belives the bullshit but the other part of me thinks hes holdin on to his ex..(even tho i hate that bytch) idkk i personally knoe i could treat him better then she kannn....eryone says im dumb 4 fallin 4 him but i cant help itt...he makes me wanna cum to skool eryday just to see him and he makes me smile 4 no resaon he makes me soo happi and honestly where will i find anyone else like thatt...well anywaisee enough about boiiis (for once :])soo mi brothers and mi dad will be up here fridayy...n all i hear outa mi moms mouth is how she wants to get bak wit mi dad...which dont u think that all kids would want there mom 2gether exspecially wen youd get anythinng 4rm themm..well ud think i would but i so dont i think there so wrong 4 each other mi mom trusts me :] and i love that she lets me doo anything i want and if mi daf cums around hes gunna be sooooo protective and fatherishh, idkk i guess thats pretty selfish of me but idk...i mean i want mi mom to be happi but just not with himm :[sooo� like wat do i do do i just telll axcept it or try to find mi mommy suone else :[ughhh idkkk....�
Add comment
