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well it's been one week that I have now been out of the hospital.� WOW...it seems so long ago.� I went home and tried on clothes. I am down to the smallest clothes size that I have.� I have lost a lot of the bottom half and not much on the top.

I tired a protein bar today and got soooo sick.� it had way to many carbs in the stupid thing.� I woke up with my blood sugar low. I had to have some orange juice. then again at lunch. then it went the other way and my� blood sugar has been high ever since.

Mood is a little better. Still not normal. I went and stopped in by work today. I do miss work.� miss having a "normal" life.� Some reason my stomach is not feeling well right now.� I might have ate to much today.� I had yogurt and orange juice for breakfast. I had 4 chicken fingers and orange jucie for lunch. then I had a stupid protein bar that made me sick.�� I had some crackers and 4 chicken fingers for dinner.� I haven't thrown up or had any diarrhea today which is a shock!

I am glad that I have lost some weight...but this past month and a half has been hell.� I still have the gastroparesis and I am mad as hell that the doctor lied to me...But I guess it's something I have to get over...sooner then later.

Well, I need to take my blood sugar and get to bed....Good night!

9:25 - Been up and "on it" for a while.� Kinda' spacey today.� I have a lot of things on my calendar for work and a couple of personal things I'm scheduled to do this afternoon/evening.

- I didn't shower yet this morning, I'm planning on hopping in there after my 11am BTI meeting is done.

- I'm supposed to see Sofya today at 4, which means leaving the house at 3:15 so I can get there in time.� I'm also supposed to have dinner with some folks from my legislatvie district tonight.� I set an appt at 3:15 so everyone can see I'm booked.

- I didn't get to work on Brett's systems yesterday so one of my first orders of business today is to fix the accts on LM: 83, 112, 135, 138, 153, 154, 166, 169, 174, 207, 208.

10:00 Brett's work is done.� Emailed him to let him know.

- Stewie Griffin & the Duke called me earlier today looking for a Guinea Pig for something to do with their SAN SWITCH work.�� They wanted aster & lavender, but aster is being used for the IWS project and Lavender is abandoned for now.� I sent them off to get perms from the German Student, Sad Mark, or Forbes.�

- Skipper rescheduled the PAM/LDAP meating.

-- Spent the rest of the day working on silly issues on various systems.� Bailed at 3:15 to see Sofya.

The Youth of Old Age

This is the summer that I will remember as the summer�I started my new life.

I read once that "40 is the old age of youth, and 50 is the youth of old age" Well, I've arrived at my youth.

It doesn't look the way it did the first time, though�I don't remember being able to really see myself then. I remember�the flaws, the criticisms de'jour, yes I have a clear picture of that woman. Today I think more kindly towards myself. I allow the light to shine on me without shame or discomfort.

Self-consciousness�that ruled�my youth has exhausted itself now, and�is allowing wonder to walk in its place.�I feel�the wonder of�a�child but with�the wisdom of her mother.

Isn't that interesting?

That is the question I ask at every glance I get of the woman in the mirror.

My answer: Very.

�

�

"How many viola jokes are there?

About 3 or 4 - the rest are simply transposed from other instruments repertoire. "

Today was a better day. I woke up early..thanks to my Dad...lol... I went to the beach and sat there while dad went for a walk. it was a nice day.� Came home and watched tv for a while. Then dad and I went to the mall for some walking.� It went well.�

Tonight I was hungry. I tired to eat some meatballs...I ate like three and that didn't go down well.� Later I ate some yogurt and 2 sugar free puddings.� I hate the fact that I am feeling hungry...that worries me.� Liquids go down better and due to the gastroparesis...no wonder.

My mood's still depressed. I cry over nothing.� l look a lot better and I am starting to feel better.� Sugar's still going everywhere. Good one moment and high the next.� Who knows.� I hope we have a handle on it.

I called comcast about the internet connection...and big shock...guess what? They claim it's fine and thank you for calling. Worthless!

so that's all I have for today. I pray for a good day tomorrow!!� And a good night sleep!

07:30 - UP!� Man, I woke up early today.� Got the cats fed and coffee going.� My cold is pretty much gone but I'm still a little woogy from all the nyquil.� R.I.P. George Carlin!

- Saturday I got out for a little while & went down to Chandler Mall.� I got a salad for lunch at Paradise and sat at a book store reading for a while.� Saw Chez and Kellie on Sunday to drop something off.� Chez said that Ice-Queen was having her quarterly meeting this morning in Jasper, but I don't have it on my calendar so feck it.

- Email from SS @ EMC regarding TZ format on petrel & shearwater.� He says: "it seems that the short date format has been set on petrel and shearwater to be different than mm/dd/yyyy. On Crow and towhee it is set correctly"

This doesn't make any sense to me.� The servers are clones of one another so all of their TZ info is identical.

Checking locale (locale -a, locale -k LC_TIME), shows identical settings.

-- Requested clarification from SS.

9:15 - Guy from Mojo Systems reseller.� Wants to purchase our decomm hardware when we decide to sell.

- Contractor Adam S. wants "cron assistance" for server magnum.� This server doesn't show up on my list of systems (though I can't locate the SvrAss sheet offhand), since I know them all fairly intimately.� I can't ssh into it.� If this IP is valid for us, it'll be on CORE but I don't see it anywhere.� Will keep trying to locate it.� Asked Adam to call me.

9:45 - After much dilligent searching I located the svrass sheet and found magnum.� The IP in the sheet isn't what nslookup is reporting.� Something is out of whack.� Will wait for Adam to call.

9:55 - IM from Matt T.� - Code Migration from dev to QA this morning from 11-1 with SS from EMC.� Will clear up the TZ issue with him then.� Ahh-Nold is out of this one.� His mom died this weekend.

10:10 - Call from Adam S.� Seems he sent his question about cron to the generic unix-admin email account.� The server he's looking for is in Ohio, not Arizona.� Bounced him back to his own group.

10:45 - Grabbed tuna & crackers for lunch with tomato soup

10:50 - Slick reminded me of the work on vidalia for Hopalong.� Sent hoppy an IM asking him to open a ticket for me on vidalia.� Its been so long since I was asked about that, I forgot what they need.� I think they just need the machine spun out and stood up, but for some reason I seem to recall them needing additional disk.�

11:00 - Talked with SS on the code migration.� He started it up & said it'll take a couple of hours.� We talked about the TZ issue.� He said Cliff reported the problem to him, and he didn't verify or check it, just forwarded it off to me.

- I explain to SS that the locale formats on the two machines are identical.� He says Cliff told him they aren't.� He goes to verify.

- SS says that BOTH machines are showing the date as Jun 23, 2008, but they need to report 06/23/2008.

1:00 -- Fixed 113 for Brett.� Dunno wtf grandpa simpson did to his account but I had to delete it and re-add it again.� hooked him up with sudoers.� He says "all LM Portal servers" need to have this done, but I'm not entirely sure what that means.� Added the portal admin accts to sudoers for 113, 146, and 147.� Asked him for a list of IPs he needs the work done on just in case these aren't all.� (I'm fairly sure they aren't)

1:06 - Trevis is going to drop something off.� Told him I'd be here all day.

1:10 - Looking into problem pointed out by the Appliance guy on the Pathways servers.

1:15 - Brett sent a whole list of IPs.� 83, 112, 135, 138, 153, 154, 166, 169, 174, 207, 208.� Do these after fixing the pathways problem.

1:40 - the Pathways mounts were mounting as root.� I edited the fstab and put a mount option in: uid=4502 and remounted.� All files under the /pff mount now show with apache owner, create & delete of files doesn't give error.�

4:00 - The goddamn PFF code migration failed at 3:30 and SS had to restart the 2nd part of it.� It'll be another 2 hours before it finishes.� Let Matt T. know.�

!TS B@D ENUF ! H@VE MY OWN F@M!LY @G@!NST ME BUT 2 H@VE D@ 1 ! TRULY LOVE AND C@RE @BOUT DOUBT!NG MY LOVE 4 H!M !S D@ WORST FEEL!NG ! CULD FEEL R!TE NOW. KIND OF CR@ZY 2 S@Y BUT ! R@THER WORK OUT TH!NGS W!T D@ 1 ! LOVE DEN 2 KEEP ON TRY!NG 2 PLE@SSE D@ 1'S D@T RE@LLY DNT C@RE. !T HURTS ME 2 TELL H!M ! LOVE H!M BUT ! CNT RE@LLY PROVE !T CUZ ! CNT RE@LLY C H!M ND !T HURTS ME 2 HE@R H!M OR EVEN C H!M UNH@PPY. HE JUS DNT KNW ! WULD DO N E TH!NG 2 M@KE H!M H@PPY ND 2 SHOW H!M ! RE@LLY LOVE H!M SO HE C@N STOP DOUBTING ME EVRYT!ME ! DNT REMEMBER 2 S@Y ! LOVE U OR ! DNT C@L ON T!ME OR ! DNT @NSWER ON T!ME. !TS NOT L!KE ! 4GET 2 S@Y ! JUS @!NT GOT COMFORT@BLE W!T S@Y!N !T YET CUZ ! DNT W@NN@ OVER USE !T OR USE !T @ D@ WRONG T!ME ND !T M@KES H!M EXPLODE OR GET UPSET. !DK ! GUESS !M JUS SC@RED OF GETT!N 2 CLOSE W!T SUM1 @G@!N BUT ! FEEL D@T D!S !S D!FFERENT ND ! W@NN@ KEEP BEL!EVE!NG !T. BUT ! F!N@LLY RE@L!ZED D@T !TS NOT @ CURSE D@T KEEPS H@PP!NESS 4RM B3!N MY FR!END...!TS MY F@M!LY ND D@TS FUCKD WEN PPL JUS H@VE HELL EVRY ONCE !N @WH!LE OR ON CERT@!N D@YS BUT NOT ME ! H@VE HELL EVERYD@Y ND D@TS !F !M NOT ON D@ PHNE W!T MY LOVE. MY LOVE !S @M@Z!NG HE M@KES ME FEEL L!KE ! H@VE LESS WORR!ES. D@TS Y ! LOVE MY LOVE.

Well, here I am again. I almost ended up in the emergency room today. My sugar spiked high around lunch and I don't know why. I started to get sick again. I was getting short of breath the whole thing. My dad had to call the doctor and see what she wanted me to do. I threw up some of my dinner. Fish. It doesn't seem to agree with me.� I took meds to help how sick my stomach felt and since they make me tired I actually got an hour nap with out waking up in a cold sweat.��

My last night in the hospital I woke up wet from head to toe sweating. Now every time I go to sleep I wake up about twice a night all wet in a cold sweat. I have to get up and change all my clothes.�

I went in the pool and got some sun early this morn though. I haven't been in the sun or pool for a long long time. Hard to believe but I miss work.� I miss having a "normal" life.My mood's depressed today still. But hasn't been that bad.� I was sick a lot today though.

�The internet server keeps going down and it's pissing me off!� I type a whole thing out and then lose it. I am going to end this so that I don't have to re-type it.��Good night.