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There was the flicker of a light
The spark went out, and a cloud covered over me
Just like the cigarettes you exhaled into my face
My words were filtered with your smoky breathe
As you stuck your tongue down my throat
And I began to choke from the polluted words you spoke
There was no more trust, there was no more I could stand to hear
There was a burn in my heart
And it shriveled up like a raisin
The intoxicated raisin which is so hard to bear

OK so 2wks ago a friend moved in to my house...she moved from haivn an apartment� to livin wit me n my parents....i feel soooo bad.. n she knows that....then another thing is that i have obc and bp web sites....once i told her bout them she gets them n is gettin blown up like crazy makin me feel ugly....she is pretty but she really in to her self to...so when she knows she's lookin good she's like damn i look good and well take pics like crazy of her self...for example...last sat night we BOTH were look freakin amazing she used my camara n all the pic on there were of her...only 3 of me...grrr she a good freind n shit n were goin in to the navy that y she moved in...to support eachother.....grrrrrrr im just soo fustreated n w/ she being a lil consided is not helping....damn damn damn i just know what to do....everyone who i have to talk to about this n told them how i feel are like ur cute too blah blah blah...well i must not but that bomb.....ok soo now im dont venting ...pls let me kno what u think...if im stupid for think like this or what....

~Dianna~

9Am - 4pm All day working session on ESX remediation.� yay.� lunch provided.� Slick and Skipper were there.�

I had a 'flexible workplace' meeting today but I bailed on it because I had to do this ESX thing.� It was a whole lot more important.� I did send a late decline message answering the question they asked.�

PFF:

Email from Matt T. asking about the Tomcat to Was Migration for Prod.� Someone says that our environment doens't recover well after "change controls".� Needs to know why.

This is the first I've heard of that.� Nobody has ever told me that we have any issues after change controls.� What change controls?� What kinds of problems are we seeing?� What do you mean Tomcat doesn't recover well after a change control?� WTF?

I shot an email back stating as such.�

Saw Matt in the hallway of P2 near war room and explained the situation with his email.� It's all over the place that we're having issues after CC, but nobody tells ME about it?� I need to know what the issues are.� He says after recent change control windows something has happened that caused the PFF apps to behave funny.� Tomcat specifically.� I said that other changes can't really affect their env. because they're isolated.� Other than their systems authenticate against the prod portal LDAP servers.� He will get back to me.

ESX Meeting:

All the players were there.��� Slick, Skipper, Hooper,� Margie, Cartman, Grandpa Simpson, Thug, and of course yours truly.

We spend the morning arguing over items above our process.� Discussing what items we have to provide to the architects so they can provide it to the Salty Dogs who run the joint.

We get almost nothing done other than to auger in the point that management makes bad decisions based on information they get from the architects that is apparently not based on any sort of reality because they never ask the engineers who can never build a proper environment because expectations are unrealistic.

ok.� I get it.� Let's fucking move on already.

Noonish, break for lunch.� We actually carpooled everybody together and drove over to Pita Jungle to share lunch.� That was kooky stuff.� I never met people who hadn't eaten baba ganouj before and were visibly shaken by the sight of it.�

Misc:

Next up was Mr. T copying me on a thread from Matt on estimates for time in executing the cutover from Tomcat to WAS.� (Because Ash won't support Tomcat even though he knew for 5 months that it was coming and could have prepared.)

I estimated 8 hours for my time.� Becky estimated 40 for hers.� All I really have to do is unmount the volume I have currently attached to /opt and remount it over to /apps.� Make the changes in fstab and give it a reboot.� I might drop in some patches too while I'm at it.� That should allow me enough room for Becky to add WAS to the systems and grow them a bit.�

Howard copied me on an email that went to Grandpa Simpson and Cartman.� tkt454879� Needs ports open between monitoring systems & all WAS/Portal boxes.� Needs by Jun 12.� Nothing for me here folks, I don't fuck with firewalls.

Mr. T told everybody to get signed up for Sametime because I'm W@H till October and IM rules.

After Lunch, ESX Meeting:

I decided enough was enough and I got up and took control of the board and meeting.� I started a flow chart and walked us through my idea of a typical build cycle.� Our current system is nothing like this, but this is what I want to see.

Project initiate feeds to architecture, architecture needs to consult with various heads of State.� Those are such countries as SAN, Systems, Security, Network, Applications, Backups, Facilities, Deveopment, and the like.� They are nations unto themselves.

The architecture guys (I think of them as gnomes) collect the info we provide and then take it back for review.� That allows them to get more accurate estimates of time, cost, development, etc.

The Salty Dogs who run the Ship can then make a better decision about which direction they want to sail us in.� (And I have to say, the guys who run this ship are some pretty alright fellows.)

Now at that point, you get a Go/No-Go decision.� The heads of State are clued in about a new project in the spec cycle, and can gauge growth capacity vs expectations, and get a good idea of what sort of budgeting they need to consider.

Each head of State needs to know their process and have it documented.� That's what we need to do.� Everybody document what they need and where their calculations are and what the dependencies are and get back together next week, Friday the mother-farkin-13th to discuss.

We get unanimous approval of my process and concepts, agree on the meeting time I propose and we're done for the day.� Meeting adjourned.

MTG : Portal LDAP slowness troubleshooting Friday 6/6 2-3pm

Sent email to Oliver about swapping out my laptop from an x60 to a t60 so I can get a second monitor with a decent resolution.�

4:13pm Slick sent visio & meeting minutes from the meeting

Drive home.

Lets see.aaron ocana rodriguez junior.well i love you.i honestly truely love you.im sorry for all those timess i started the argumentsss.im sorry for gettn mad and beingg a smartt ass for no reasonnn.but what i love,is that in the end we laugh and act stupid.thatss why i love u.i kno sometimesss i mite not look or act like the best girlfriend.but your honestly the BEST thing that has happend to me.i was lost and confused before i met you.and ever since you came into my life,i figurd out who i'am and why i'am here. im here because of you!im here for you.and all the other people i love and care about.you've changed me more than you know..you kno how to make me cheessyy and make me laugh.and everytime i talk to you,everythingg just feelss so rite.and all the problemss in the world dont matterr.cuz in those momentss all i wana do is be with you.when u hug me close to you,i feel soo warm and happy..i never wana let go.i can talk to you on and on and never stop..but then you kno OUR momss get pissed.Lol.but that dont stop uss.sometimesss i cant look at yur face cuz i get soo cheesy and happy just lookingg at you.yourr soo pure and beautifull,and you dont even know it.i can see the good in you that you dont even know you have.you can do sooo good in yur life,and you will.i'll be there to help you out and cheer you on.i dont need money and stuff,idont need a big house or nice clothes.i told u,as long as iam with you and we're both happy than thatss all that matters.alll i want is for you to be happy and smiling..if your happy than im happy.. everynight i lay awake thinking about you.i think about your smile,how it can brighten my day.i think about your laugh which i treasure with everything. i might not say the rite things or do the rite things but,the rite thing i know how to do is love you! there are so many things i can write about you.but i would write on and on...lets just say your the one.your one,that makes my day.your the one that makes me smile all the time. your the one thats always on my mind.your the one im crazy about. baby i love you...im sorry im not perfect.im sorry if i say the wrong things.im sorry if i bring your day down.im sorry im a little messed up. but youre the reason im here.man,if you werent my everything,id be nothing. before you i was lost and confused.now,i know whats wrong and whats rite. the rite thing,is to be with you always and forever. and the wrong thing,is to hurt you or get you mad. but i promise you!i will not hurt you.you mean tooo much to me to get you hurt. and mad.baby ima try,im trying soooo hard not to get you mad.when youre mad im mad.and having you mad hurts me. always and forever babe.im sorry for everything ive done. but im not sorry for loving you! because your the best thing thats happend to me,im so thankful for you being in my life.thank you for accepting who i'am.we mite be different and weird in our own way.but youre also,everything im not.you're my other half,without you im not whole..you're soooo fckn awesome!i kno you think u make mistakes and always screw things up.well,that goes both wayss.but you kno,at the end,we always fix it and learn from those mistakess.i dont knoww HOW! im goingg to go cali and not talk and see you like i do now.these past few dayss we havent been talkingg as much.and itss killlingg me! i misss you soooo much!and imagine in cali.omg, rite now,all i wana do is hear yur voice and smile..but when im in cali,ima gona be strong not just for me but for us.im not gona give up on uss..i wont.you may waay too much to me to just give up and walk away from.you told me always and forever and i told u until the end.and bby,im keepingg that promisse..no matterr what..remember that song obsesion by aventura. you said was for me.well yep thatss how i feeel..beingg up at 5 in da morningg just thinkingg about yur beautiful face..i can runaway with you and be happpy foreverr.but NOOO,i have ta concentrate on schoool!Lol..but wait!bby,i graduated! ;) hehe,damn yur the one for meee.i love you sooo much,you dont kno how much i care for you.ill love you if u were poor or some hobo.Lol.or if you weighd 300 poundss..but yur ass is getn ta the gym (hehe inside joke).i kno theres ppl out there who tell me ta be careful and watchout,but from who? i know im safe and warm as long as im in your armss...me.you.us,this isnt gona end!i wont let it happen..i didnt choose you over ____,(u kno who) i chose happy over lie.she said she would always be there for me..& what?where is she?best friendss,can forgive no matter what.i guesss she was just to selfish to do that.i KNOW being with you isnt a mistake,if this was a mistake than you wouldnt be on my mind 24/7.you wouldnt be the reason im soo happy and in love..march 28,2008.not only the day we got together,but the day i knew i want to be with you A&F UTD.your 17 im 14.and? your my viejo untill we're viejitoss.Lol..remember i said.sometimess people write the thingss they cant say..well here,bby thiss is how much you mean to me! believe me,i can write soooo much more.like,when im havingg a bad day just talkingg to you makes me so happy.or how i love when u say youre so proud of me,when my own mother doesnt.how u get jeolouss over something thats so stupid.i love how much you care..yess it does get annoyingg,but yess you do care.and how betsy "my lover" helpss you have fun and laugh..bby,ican write on and on..but im sleepy and my fingerss hurt.Lol..bottom line is.i love you.and no matter how far away we are my heart will always be near yourss.i will ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU, a&f utd.i love you,junior.♥3.28.08..finishd on thurs june 5th.at 2:02 a.m

I cry,

he hits,

I scream,

he kicks.

my ribs are bruised,

my arm is swollen,

my heart races,

time is frozen.

too many faces.

How can 1 man,

who i look much alike,

hit his daughter,

making her a motherless wife?

Opals && Gold

He knows what he's doing,

but not what I'll do,

somehow I can't find the way threw.

Mama holds me tight,

&& pulls me in close.

she tells me things that no one else knows.

my mind boggles,

he hit her too.

"Momma, what's the way threw?"

"I don't remember, just be quiet and Pray."

"I know that God's coming someday."

Hopefully soon.

"How can I be me if I don't even know who I am..."

June 04, 2008

THE HEAT IS ON!� I am getting my first experience with the hot weather here in the south.� Yesterday is was 88, today 94 and tomorrow it is going to be 97.� Thank God I’m leaving town to head to Atlanta, it’s only a high 93 for the weekend.� Yesterday I had to work outside all day.� We are getting our merchandise trailer ready to go on the road.� We had to inventory existing stock and then load it up with new merchandise, reorganize, and get it all cleaned up.� What I found working in the heat is that if you just move at a steady pace it’s not so bad.� Once you get over the creepy feeling of having sweaty underwear it’s all right.� I just reminisce about the days at Hartman’s and frying chicken in the heat.� Now, I only have to stand on an asphalt track with only adds about 20 degrees, the chicken fryer�was much hotter than that.

It is hard to fail, but it is worse

never to have tried to succeed.

�