So it's finally christmas time <3 And it's been a long year that passed by in an instant. So much has happen during this year.. Great Things, as well As Horrible things. But you know you gotta make the best out of everything no matter how tough it is. So this is the first christmas i spend without my mother. and it;s been about 6 weeks since she passed away. I lie to myself and say she went on a very long vacation hoping that she'd be back.But i cnt lie to myself like this you know..� Yesterday we went to go decorate her tomb, and it ended up looking very pretty. I just hope she's happy and knows that we will try our best to continue living.. i know its going to be hard but everything I do is not only gona be for me. but everything i do is gonna be for my mom. I wana make her proud, and Mommy, Merry christmas. :) I know it was ur fav holiday and i hope your having a great time in heaven <33 Watch over me please. I love you with all my heart :) �Rest in peace Mamacita<3 :]
So, my life is going pretty good right now. I have tough days but i get over them. On wednesday is 3 months with my boyfriend:) and I can say i never been happier with anyone hehe. He just makes me feel so special and I really do like him alot. I cant say love yet but i like him sooo much! <33 :) he makes me happy.. !� I finally cleared out my feelings and I do wana be with him. I dont want anyone else, hes been there for me thru so much.. he just encourages me and i love him for that.. We have our fights, but we have been trying to fight less and we have.. But you know.. sometimes i have my doubts of being with him.. But im crazy.. Hes perfect what else can i ask for :)
It's winter break, today was the first day.. ohh and omg on saturday i went to some theater in glendale to go see the gay men choir <33 and oh my� they sing perfect ! i love how they sing and its cool how they raised money just for our school to go watch them perform!! I feel loved hehe.. I took a pic with some kute gay guy hehe and it was a great day hehe.
But yeah ima go eat my typical mexican breakfast lol. beans hahaha..
ttyl <33
Again�& again i see myself just breaking down every single�day Not crying just becoming more non-emotional.�I really dont get it anymore? Ever since 8th grade everything has been just so..horrible? I mean its like life sees me happy for one minute and they just say "oh no bri's happy we should do something to make her unhappy". Basically thats how i feel 24/7. My group is starting to fall apart even more now we're in highschool. Theres no more hope for me and them we will just have to go on our seperate ways. Maybe, their part in my story is over. Except for jess, she realizes now what i was going through in Middle school. Theresa and the other jess just dont seem to understand how they make us feel so horrible inside like we're not even wanted. That is why i stay as far away from them as possible. My skin hasn't been working with me lately which really sucks. I went to the dermatologist last week on wednesday and told me i had Seborrheic Dermatitis. Sounds scary right? Yes, i know when i heard what it was i wanted to just kill myself but, my mom searched through my scalp and told me again, i was misdiagnosed. my face was the only place where the dryness took place. My scalp was perfect no icky dandruff that looks like rotten eggs with cheese asdfghjkl :(!! Did i mention that i really hate doctors??? Well, i do. I've spent days searching up what i could have and i found the perfect answer Allergic Contact Dermatitis. Looked up pcitures and it was an exact match. Im guessing 3 possible things�that could've damaged my skin number 1: This 1 i am 96% sure that i might've got it from this the Aveeno Moisturizer that my friend gave me when i asked her for something to take away my dry skin. After two and a half days of using it i felt this rash start to appear. My other�4 percent im not particulary sure. But, i know that Seborrheic Dermatitis most of the time has really ugly dandruff and my dandruff is totally normal. Im crazy and i see things but my mother my sis and my friends tell me its perfectly normal so, im going with what they say because i'll see things and drive myself crazy cause im just too health counscious. But anyways, before i start driving myself crazy again seeing things that arent really there. I need to vent so much since i havent been really stable. A few months ago my sister and i well - correction basically my sister found a site my dad was registered to and found out he was gay. & my sister told my mom and my mom was just hysterical crying. saying how he wasted 15 years of her life. and blah. i blocked the rest out because i couldnt really listen anymore. I always felt my dad regreted me.. i dont know why. The feeling of regret and i dont know. My hearts been so black and not emotional that i really block everything out so, i dont cry myself to sleep with that aching pain in my chest. In the beginning of the year Alex..hmm my ex boyfriend..? so weird to say now since it's december now almost christmas CRAZY. Well, anyways back to what i was saying.. Alex wow, he has changed so dramatically since he cheated on me i dont even recognize who he is anymore honestly. hes an exact copy of kenneth. We havent talked since september. Everyday i see him well, most of the time i see him except for times i luckily run down the hallway not being able to see either of them - Melissa and Alex. 2 people i really love to avoid since so many memories come back that i've blocked out and just think of it as 'it never happened'. Anyways, he cheated on his recent girlfriend and hes going out with Savanna. Well, im guessing? Hes become a 'player'. Trust me thats not the Alex i once knew. Alex, was a sweet, shy, funny guy who loved acting and being himself. But, i always knew there was a side to Alex. Everything changing so quickly its like a blur to me. I mean im going crazy too. After being (hopefully) misdiagnosed i've been crazy. i need to see a doctor for my skin this is getting ridiculous i just need answers to my questions, really. WHY AM I SO HEALTH-CONSCIOUS UGH. ANYONE OUT THERE PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!!
Bri.
Something is up this week for reall I got another email from the australian guy I met at Roses holiday party last weekend asking me if I wanted to go take pictures with him maybe next week and that he really enjoyed looking at my work and meeting me...so nice to hear! but I don't really have much interest in dating him so not sure if we should be hanging out like that even if it is just going to take some pictures.
Anyway got my new computer up and running!! OMG!! a vast improvment from the old one that I wanted to run over with my car constantly it was sooooo freaking slow. Now is the painful proccess of moving over the old hard drive.
Mom and Rob are traveling back east tomorrow for christmas with the fam Hope they have a great flight!! Will be thinking about them always makes me nervous when they fly.....
Time to flinish my book!!
Liked my horoscope today too!
You may feel hopeful and expectant about your future today. You could be focusing on the promise of future endeavors or thinking about the positive changes you want to make in your life. This feeling lends itself well to new beginnings, and you may want to spend some time alone formulating a plan to usher in the next exciting phase of your life. Whether you want to develop a better fitness regime or embark on a new career, simply channeling your energy to the formation of something better will get the process started in powerful ways today. Then, by keeping your optimism strong and vibrant, you will be able to begin taking the steps that will lead to the fulfillment of your dreams. A hopeful, optimistic attitude is a powerful resource in our plans to build a better life. Though we can plan and prepare for the achievement of our goals, doing so without a strong sense of optimism will limit the amount of creative energy we generate. By choosing instead to combine a hopeful outlook, high expectations, and a solid plan, we give ourselves the ability to stay motivated and inspired. We can then be consistent in our efforts to form better life circumstances and keep looking forward to our next phase of growth. By channeling your optimistic mind-set through a comprehensive plan of action today, you will be tapping the natural resources within you and using them to build your best life.
More compliments I went to happy hour with Allison yesterday her work thing and I guess I haven't seen them in a while but they were all saying how different I looked and how great I looked.....and there was a kind of cute guy Kevin there who used to work with Allison and I told her to give him my number.� I would def go out with him.....if he asked. Anyway last night was great and I was looking so cute in my jean skirt and new boots!! hahaha! Allison even got in on the action giving the bouncer at the phoenix her number!! we are getting better at it I guess the dressing up and flirting.
Today we drove up to Mendocino in the fog and just ate the best burger from this tiny diner. Now time for some johnny depp movie action!!
today they having a gathering here at work to celebrate Christmas, I feel such a scrooge, I forgot to bring Christmas cards, I'm just do bummed out, I don't feel the joy, I'm supose to feel
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lex 43, Female, California, USA - 137 entries