Lots of cleaning and eating and making a fire right now......then some booze and wii with allison!
so I went on a walk this afternoon by myself and it was very pleasent nice california day :) I was thinking about his year that has just passed compared to last year and what i want for the coming year 2010.....so what i decided is that last year 2008 was very emotional a lot of figuring out who i am what I like and just jumping into a new life one of my own. this year has truly been a year of firsts.....the first time i truly dated, the first time I slept with another man, the first time I got laid off, the first time I saw someone die, the first time I truly had an amazing time while in virginia, the first time I felt my age, the first time having a personal medical problem, the first time I really appreciated the life I've made for myself, the first time I had a true crush in a very very long time, the first time I tried online dating, the first time I didn't celebreate my birthday, the first time I read a series of novels, the first time I got to see my family more than once per year, the first time I saw my dad really really happy, the first time I was truly happy for someone else......I think i can go on and on so hope next year will be more firsts and maybe seconds!! hahaha! Merry Christmas to everyone!!
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How do you know who it is your suppose to choose? Because I find them to be both equally good people, with good intentions. I can't seem to stop my head from spinning.</3
Im in a bad because i miss my mom a lot I haventt had time to perpare myself for her going to iraq yet and im not sure how its going to go the day she leaves to go to iraq i know im gonna cry but what can i say i mean come on my moms going to iraq she may not come back i dont wanna put it that way but its true shes going out of country for a year shes going to war anything can happen over there you never know whats gonna happen over there i know i need to tell her that im finnishing school in poyen but im scared that shell get med at me because she has lost 3 of her kids now i dont wanna live with her and ill know shell be really�upset i just dont know what to do or say because i dont want her worring while shes over there shes going to need to be stress free while shes in iraq but if i tell her that means well be getting money from her so well be able to move into our house because shell be giving him money for childsupport and for me but its just so confusing im always stuck in the middle of a problem and dont know how to solve it i hate bein inthe middle of problems because it stress meout big time it always does then all my friends think im mad at them but im just stressed out sometimes i hate my life!!!!!!!
So, it's been another boring, tiring, exhausting, and pretty exciting monday for me. Usually its just a monday where i go to school,do work, go home, and�occasionally go to elegantes to get a peanut butter cookie. Anyways, well my health conscious is taking over me again and its getting worse plus my mom wont bring me to the doctor =[. I want an answer already to ease my suffering mind. My mom told me thats he wouldnt be able to take me to the doctor until January lucky me. Whatever, i might as well face the truth or maybe its not the truth -_- =. O.K so, today was pretty interesting. My face was looking tanner then ever, BLAH. English went pretty good for me except for the fact that i didnt study for my quiz that i forgot i had so, i was completely fucked. I think i might've gotten around the 80's since we only had to memorize 10 words and i did pretty good i remembered 8 of them. So, after english spanish was super boring. studio art was the same where Taylor talked talked talked talked about her drinking and partying and Darrick well..whatever he does on his weekends and Griffin wasnt there AGAIN. Study hall was pretty fun i must say since i actually had someone that wasnt trying to make me feel stupid AHEM jessica. Karen was there and she actually made me feel...hmm whats the word? oh, wanted. thats what i love about Karen she could just make my day without her even realizing that i even needed her to do that but, shes not my savior with a golden heart just there for me when i need atleast some warmth in my heart. So, I talked to James today and well..it was finally an on-going conversation that ended like whats up? nothing much you? nothing much. oh cool. It actually went on for a pretty long time. He works a lot it seems like since hes a firefighter kinda scary though, risking your lives every minute of the day, well not technically, i dont know. So, theres this kid Russel, well hes not gonna lie pretty interesting. He's quiet, mysterious, and hes cute. The only time i really talked to him was when he asked me for a pencil and he looked totally not interested. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. the only thing really on my mind is this stupid condition i may or may not have its looking like i dont have it. since i looked at my moms scalp and it looked exactly like mine. OH MAN. i cant type anymore im just done. i need to go to the doctor.
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