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    shootingstar420  30, Female, California, USA - 72 entries
10
Aug 2007
6:12 PM EDT
   

Ok Let Me Tell U A STory Of A Girl And A Boy
Lets Call the gurl miss A and the boy mr.B
Mr.b was A Tall handsome guy but has had many gurls in his past
Miss A met Mr B at a party and fell in love with him
but even though miss A doesnt see him often she luvs him alot!!!!!!!
but miss A has never talked to mr B
And Miss A Wants To Tell Mr B How Much He Means to mIss A
But At The Same Time Miss A Doesnt bcuz She Is Scared Of Getting Hurt And Getting Rejected
And... One Day Miss A Found Out Dat Mr B Had A g/f
Miss A Got Really HUrt
But Miss A Still Luvs Him
And mr B Stiil Doesnt Know


    99tracy99  40, Female, Hong Kong SAR - 33 entries
11
Aug 2007
1:13 AM AWST
   

It's good for me to have a staff like you you are very smart ,also you are very handsome , but i know ehat i need , it's ok if there is a chance to know you , anyway it's like a dream I like it and do not want to wake up

    banglesaway  40, Female, Indiana, USA - 21 entries
10
Aug 2007
9:04 AM EDT
   

Attempting to write my paper for HSPA. I completely forgot about it.

Hillary Smith is chattering away on the phone, trying to contact a vollyball coach for her beat. Sharon Ross is yelling "what a fantastic story idea" in the background. Bill Bero is coughing by his desk, talking to his designer. And Matt is laughing like a hyenia.

Man, I'm going to miss this place.

Yeah, I had some rough patches (ok, a little more than "some") but this experiencehas been incredible. I have walked away from something. I can say Iworked here for summer,reported for the Times, had A1s (frontpg stories), got cussed atby sources, cried when Ifelt overwhelmed with 7 stories duewithintwo days, loved laughingwith fellow copy editors, felt part ofteam, gained some much incite from a 40 year vet copy editor to a 25 year old online editor....and so much more.

It'sFriday, mylast day here. It feels like I'll be back Monday, awaiting an assignment from one of my editors.

Bittersweet. Completely bittersweet.


    nodeadends  19, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries
09
Aug 2007
7:32 AM EDT
   

I spoke to the pastor last night and told him about the superficial shit that is going on with me. But what is causing me concern presently is the desire to swing the other way. Why now? After being in heterosexual relationships my whole life. I am sure to bust hell wide open, trying to travel this route. Curtis sent me an email and said he was cool with me being s.s.a.; According to him he isnt shocked but that's a lie. i saw the look on his face that day in the car. As if he didnt know me at all, which is quite accurate!
I am very conflicted, my thought is that being with the same gender has to be less painful than being with a man. I have been raped so many times, that my brain has chosen to block the memories from racing to the front of my mind. I believe that being married to Ivan and being exposed to so much has played a major role in my gender indentity crisis. What am I going to do ? Not just about this but my livingi arrangements. No where to go, scared doesnt describe how I am feeling right now. Shit like this is what brings me to suicidal ideations. This sunday I could have done it! No question about it!
i wonder if people like my mother believe that I tell her that Iam suicidal for attention . Someone told me or I heard that people who contemplate suicide are just acting our for attention. But I know for fact that if you have a plan you will most likely follow through. No one else in family is like me, sometimes being different is troubling. Its hard to relate to my people especially when they are so jesusfied and sanctimonious.
When are my people going to be upfront and honest about suicide, homosexuality and the like. We are so freaking full of shit. All oour so call morals are bogus, most people have to faces. One for the public and one for private. It no wonder Iam so fucked up in the brain, being raised in this culture is enough to drive a person to insanity!
Tags: Insanity
1 comment(s) - 11:27 PM - 02/02/2008

    RollerCoasterLove  40, Female, California, USA - 2 entries
09
Aug 2007
4:12 PM EDT
   

Sometimes i just dont understand what ive done wrong. one day he acts like he loves me, the next he acts like i annoy him. im trying to become a better girlfriend, but hes not trying to be a better boyfriend. it doesnt help that all his friends are younger and more immature and dont have serious girlfriends to understand his situation. i think when he gets around them, he changes. into this "single" guy who doesnt give a fuck about me. im always tryna talk about our problems and tryna resolve it, but just randomly outta nowhere hell make it seem like he dont wanna try. when just yesterday he told me "i love you" "i miss you" "im thinking about you". and today i say "am i ur girlfriend" and he tells me "not really." and i say ur throwing me off telling me u love me one day and the next im not ur girlfriend. and he tells me "u threw me off when you moved out". is he tryna make me feel guilty? is he having money issues? financial problems stressing him out? and he blames me? i wanna work things out but how can i with someone whos not willing to try...instead i think to myself why dont i just walk away from all of this. just say fuck him and end it all for good... one day were okay. the next it seems like its all over. its this up and down roller coaster. ive try to change.. ive been making him dinner, avoiding issues i would usually argue about that upsets me... but i guess he doesnt see it. hes too stubborn to see where im coming from.. i kno theres a lot hes done, or hasnt done,to upset me, but im tryna see from his point of view and quitting all the "nagging", the fighting, the arguing.. im tryna do things for him to remember why he fell for me. but with him.. he just doesnt see me as something fortunate to have.. what do i do? i love him.. i dont want all this to end.. i just want everything to be okay again
1 comment(s) - 11:09 AM - 09/19/2012

    banglesaway  40, Female, Indiana, USA - 21 entries
09
Aug 2007
2:23 PM EDT
   

Second entry for the day. No, I'm not bored at all.

Day ended fairly well. Got two stories for Westlake. : ) CHURCH ARTICLE IS FINALLY DONE!!! I'm a happy girl.

Feeling better. Keeping busy is helping. I'm looking forward to tonight (get to talk to Casey, and watch TV in the comfort of a BED). Also looking foward to tomorrow, especially work. Cross your fingers for a good day!

Plenty of Chronicle work to do, and it will get done eventually. Good do it today, but I'm taking this time to relax do and what important: talk to him andchill the hell out.

Here's my rough drafts of both stories.Enjoy!
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Headline: Region hit by powerful winds, heavy rains
Subhead: Storm leaves little structural damage, many power outages

Powerful winds shook homes and businesses as heavy rains poured over the region early Thursday morning, leaving more than 3,000 without power.

The National Weather Service issued a flood watch at 9:28 p.m. Wednesday night for Northwest Indiana and Northern Illinois. The watch generated quickly into a warning, from evening showers into overnight heavy rain between 2 to 5 a.m. for Lake and Porter counties.

The storm traveled southeast of Indiana, with Crown Point, Valparaiso, Schererville and Merrillville hardest hit with 1 to 2 inches of rain, said Tim Halback, of the National Weather Service in Romeoville. Counties in Northern Illinois received about 3 to 4 inches.

"Rains were heavy and worse when it got east into LaPorte," Halback said.

Local public works and police departments around the region reported few structural damages or flooding from the storm's constant rain that left minimal street flooding but downed numerous trees.

The Crown Point Police Department reported that a truck hit a utility pole off of U.S. 231 after the storm, causing more power outages.

NIPSO spokesman Mike Charbonnea said, as of Thursday early afternoon, about 500 Indiana businesses and homes were still without power. Both Valparaiso and Crown Point ranked highest in amount of customers without power.

"We're making good progress. We're trying as hard as we can to get them back on," Charbonnea said.


Headline: 'This parish is ours'
Subhead: Parishioners keep church alive, thriving

It took years for St. Patrick Parish in East Chicago to get back on its feet.

With about a $80,000 debt, deteriorating building conditions and dwindling numbers of parishioners, its community feared inevitable closure.

"It was pitiful," Rev. Fernando de Cristobal, senior priest at the parish, said of the building's condition. "It's what happens to intercity churches in a depressed area."

After years of financial struggle, the parish community obtained a newfound hope as its debt nears "steady, almost cleared" years later.

De Cristobal believes this hope reflects a group of dedicated, diverse individuals -- its parishioners.

It required constant involvement with fundraisers and collections from the small number of active parishioners, he said, to get debts paid and the building back into working order.

"The spirits of the community kept the parish alive and thriving," De Cristobal said. "The parish is ours. Not one person can keep it alive alone."

De Cristobal was assigned to the parish nearly 10 years ago. Faced with an outstanding debt lasting almost 22 years, he knew changes were needed. De Cristobal preached the importance of sacrifices, donations and the parish's needs during homilies and saw an immediate response. Frequent financial updates kept the congregation informed, and the parish alive.

He also noted steady "waves" in contributions and attendance the past few years.

"[The] population changes. Finances change. [New] parishioners come around with low income," he said. "Anything that happens in society like the loss of jobs, the collapse of job industries ... it's a big impact on all churches."

Out the 370 registered parishioners, about 120 to 150 currently submit a weekly donation. An average of 2,000 is donated from weekly collections, whereas expenses are averaged at $4,000.

The parish cannot survive on weekly collections alone, he said. De Cristobal attributes the steady financial status to many factors, including donated profits from various committees that host annual festivals, special fundraisers and even themed luncheons.

One active committee - the Guadalupanas - hosts monthly breakfasts and luncheons, and usually profits about $350-$400 per event to donate, said treasurer Connie Roque. Though it's not much, it can be said that it helps out to some extent, she said.

The parish community is also working on an evangelization drive, a program sending parishioners around neighborhoods to promote the church.

"The church has a future, and the future is bright," Rev. William O'Toole said, the parish's newest pastor and administrator. "It's a sign of people willing to make a difference ... not just [for] the parish but committed to East Chicago and a bright future."


    banglesaway  40, Female, Indiana, USA - 21 entries
09
Aug 2007
10:53 AM EDT
   

"I have my guero, and that's all I need." - Nizhooni
"It was pretty hard to hang up the phone ...I just wanted to keep talking." -Casey
"You're my one, Casey Brandon." - Nizhooni
"Spending the rest of my life with you sounds so great." - Casey
"We're stuck with each other." - Nizhooni

Feeling better from this morning, and yesterday from that fact. Talked to him for bit today. Hearing his voice in the morning is just ----. Something I look forward to in the future.

I don' t know if I heard this from watching a movie last night (World Trade Center) but I recall the line:

"Don't worry, I'll see you in heaven."

It scared me a bit. Come to think of it, I dreamt him saying that ... I think.

It's a better day, that's all I can really say. It's better so far. Not great .... saying goodbye again to him later today is going to break me once more (as if I had more tears left in me to shed).

Talked to my mom before I left for work. She continued to preach. I told her to stop. I told I know she was right on the things she was saying at the moment, but it wasn't what I needed to hear. I told her Ineed someone to hug me,that I need my mom to hold me. I asked why it hurts so much. Of course, I got the ''that's why me and your dad didn't want you to have a boyfriend in the service."

Well, that can't be helped. I don't think you can help, so much, in exactly who you fall in love with. You can fight love all you want; push it away, refuse to acknowledge or accept it, ignore it, run away from it. It doesn't help. When you love someone, you just do. No, I didn't think I'd find real love at the age of 22. But I can't say it wasn't something I wished/ hope for ... one day. I'm just fortunate to find my true love at this age. And I honestly wouldn't want it any other way.

I'm in love. I'm waiting for him to return to me. I'm the luckest girl in the world.

God, I love him ... you know I do. I'm holding him right now, and I'm loving it.

    nodeadends  19, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries
09
Aug 2007
9:45 AM EDT
   

Ok I have decided to see where this will take me if anywhere at all. I put an ad on C.L. A few people responded, what am I getting myself into? I kind of knew this was going to happen. Maybe Iam just experimenting I dont know. Which is why I have to do this. I see how john other's feel. He's openly gay,that shit has got to be hard. I am not gay but I still can relate. I am not bisexual either. That is according to the kinsey scale, which states no one is 100% homosexual or heterosexual. That makes me feel safe lol. I have 2 figure this out on my own. I sense that some unseen force is driving me. Perhaps it is the devil who knows. I remember when I told my N.P. that I was attracted to the same sex. Of course he denounced this idea, it goes against all christian teachings and morals. Should I keep pretending and shoving down these feelings I have. Repressing it isnt working , but I am unsure if acting out my emotions is the answer either. Latley I am consumed with crazy shit running through my mind. I should make a choice,guess I already have. Seeing that I can never be with a woman totally and openly (because i have a healthy fair of hell and the big dude)plus I aspire to get married one day. I have a little flicker of hope left. Very little, a black man is a turn off as far as having a meaningful and serious relationship. Stereotyping isnt cool but hey most of them are liars, unemployed ,dead beat dads and just full of shit.
I have been abstaining from sex. Well actually I have been running from it literally! Its not easy at all. The phone rings and it all starts, when can I come out. What's up tonight? Can I bring Jade out. Jade isnt a real person its what my ex calls the freaky side of me. He likes it when I get aggressive during sex . A few times I slapped the hell out of him, he was suprised:). He liked it ,even told his now estranged wife about it. At least he wasnt married during that time. Scooby is on some get back shit, cant do it. He wasnt man enough to tell me we were done face to face. That is a black man for ya. Damn cowards I bet he wishes I would put this on his mustache but it aint happening. Not any time soon, he is going to suffer before I fuck him. It has been year or more since i messed with him. His shit is good but it that serious, I have options. He is clearly on the rebound.
Tags: Confused

    nodeadends  19, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries
09
Aug 2007
9:45 AM EDT
   

Ok I have decided to see where this will take me if anywhere at all. I put an ad on C.L. A few people responded, what am I getting myself into? I kind of knew this was going to happen. Maybe Iam just experimenting I dont know. Which is why I have to do this. I see how john other's feel. He's openly gay,that shit has got to be hard. I am not gay but I still can relate. I am not bisexual either. That is according to the kinsey scale, which states no one is 100% homosexual or heterosexual. That makes me feel safe lol. I have 2 figure this out on my own. I sense that some unseen force is driving me. Perhaps it is the devil who knows. I remember when I told my N.P. that I was attracted to the same sex. Of course he denounced this idea, it goes against all christian teachings and morals. Should I keep pretending and shoving down these feelings I have. Repressing it isnt working , but I am unsure if acting out my emotions is the answer either. Latley I am consumed with crazy shit running through my mind. I should make a choice,guess I already have. Seeing that I can never be with a woman totally and openly (because i have a healthy fair of hell and the big dude)plus I aspire to get married one day. I have a little flicker of hope left. Very little, a black man is a turn off as far as having a meaningful and serious relationship. Stereotyping isnt cool but hey most of them are liars, unemployed ,dead beat dads and just full of shit.
I have been abstaining from sex. Well actually I have been running from it literally! Its not easy at all. The phone rings and it all starts, when can I come out. What's up tonight? Can I bring Jade out. Jade isnt a real person its what my ex calls the freaky side of me. He likes it when I get aggressive during sex . A few times I slapped the hell out of him, he was suprised:). He liked it ,even told his now estranged wife about it. At least he wasnt married during that time. Scooby is on some get back shit, cant do it. He wasnt man enough to tell me we were done face to face. That is a black man for ya. Damn cowards I bet he wishes I would put this on his mustache but it aint happening. Not any time soon, he is going to suffer before I fuck him. It has been year or more since i messed with him. His shit is good but it that serious, I have options. He is clearly on the rebound.
Tags: Confused

    nodeadends  19, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries
08
Aug 2007
8:51 AM EDT
   

ok here we go, I chose this color because it matches my current mood i feel like shit. my birthday was on monday, the bitch from department of social service just called me. All she does is get on my damn nerves and try to pump me for fucking information that she can uses against me later. zay is on some bullshit she sneaks out of me house all hours of the night, last night before she tried to escape I informed real grown ups dont do this. she swears she is so damn grown , yet depending on me for everything. Including the air she breathes which i want to cut off quite often. Daniel is in virgina with joey and he is very much enjoying himself. He was working my last good nerve,I was about to snap on his little yellow ass. Isaiah is with my mom and doesnt want to come home right now, this works for me. So the only person home is princess, zay doesnt count.
today is the eighth shanay is suppose to be coming home after doing a year in a girls home. My life is moving very fast, I still have no where to go with the children. Iam stressed out, the jerk mike refuses to return my six hundred and fifty dollars. the apartment is a shit hole literally! All the walls have there own color;flourescent pinks, blues and greens. Mike calls this "art", I on the other hand call this a hot ass mess! Oh I failed to mention that the apartment has no runnning water, no toiliet and the icing on the cake is it that it has no electricity.
Mike came on to me, i think that is the reason why I wont rent the apartment .
I am turned off by men right now, not sure how long this will last.
Curtis came and got me from my mom"s yesterday that was nice. However I know that he does nothing without motive just like me. While he was driving i said I have a secret to tell you. He says "what your're gay". I explained to him that I suffer from s.s.a. or what some refer to as s.s.a.d.
He thought I was lying or perhaps trying to shock him. Why is it that the few people I have chosen to disclose to dont believe me or have a hard time accepting it.

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