Well. SO MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPEND! since the last time ive been on here...that boy i was talkin to last..we dated..he was more than just a normal boy && i figured that out not in a well way. im not even too sure what happend still to this day..the middle of summer happend. he found a hotter girl..who didnt want him like i wanted him. but thats his mistake. in a way i felt like i made some BIG mistakes with him..i didnt know how to handle this 19 year old male who wants sex all the time. but i remember that night hanging out with him ..when he cut it off between us, as in dating. he tried to be so casual with it but i knew what that ass was going for. "this is our last night together so lets fuck" thats not the way he said it but thats how i heard it. but after him..i tried to be more cautious but theres been a few boys ive made out with..thats it..since him. he was my last serious deal. i need another one. its been too long && im not one to usually say that. but all these boys that i made out with...were for the wrong reason. i was using them for money, weed, drugs, alcohol...ya know the deal. i hooked up with 2 dealers..&& i got the deal...but wouldnt ever want a relationship with them. my mom would kill me if she found out i was datin the 20 year old mexican mafia dealer...the other one being 22...the 20 year old was sweet though...&& i might've but it wouldve been something on the low. my sisters couldnt even know. but then he disappeared the lene tex && like other mexican mafia drug dealers..they had warrants out the ass && couldnt get caught, so he said he was going out of town && he would be back but he never was. i would get random phone calls from him && we would talk forever..id let him know everything goin down in town..the business && what not.
but im falling apart...gaining weight which doesnt make sense..i guess because im not in sports anymore. i wanna live those days we were living last year at this time. i cant take this reminiscing anymore! it drives me nuts. i dont even party that much anymore..if u call sitting at your house drinkin with a few folks partyin then i am but thats not what i consider partying in my eyes. ive become a drug dealer in most peoples eyes. just get that little quick && make money && smoke for free. i feel as if school is going down drain too..but the grades dont show it. im making it. attendance shows it though..i cant help it! ugh! i cant write about my life anymore.
O termo é genérico, e carência é tudo aquilo que nos faz menos, seja menos completos, seja menos felizes. Muitas vezes compensamos, ou buscamos consolos (ou serão fugas?) nos outros, até na infelicidade alheia. Quanta vezes já fomos aconselhados a "olhar para trás", na triste constatação de que deviamos nos confortar no fato de que existem serês mais infelizes, mais sofridos.
É triste ser feliz pela existência de alguém que possa ser ainda mais miseravel do que nós somos. Pobre consolo. Acreditar que não fomos criados para a felicidade, mas só para ser um pouco menos infelizes do que quem quer que seja, é acreditar num plano de Deus fraquinho, num plano pobre...
So I should probably start from the beginning huh? I was born in a little hick town called Black River Falls, WI. My parents got married in November of 1987 (I was born in December) and thier divorce became final in March of 1988. Personally I find it pathetic that thier marriage didnt even last six months, but whatever, they got along for the most part while I was growing up. My mom met a guy, and started dating him and got pregnant with my sister. "The guy" then ran out on my mom and has never seen or spoken to Autumn. My mom then met my step father Phillip. They got married in 1994, but were together way before that. He was a great dad up until I turned 16 (which I will get into). With Phillip my mom had two boys, Jarrett, and Jeremy. I love em, they are wonderful. We grew up in Taylor (about 15 miles from Black River Falls) and for the most part we had a wonderful life.
When I was three, I was sexually abused by my grandfather, he went to prision for that. I dont really remember much about it, I supressed the memories, all I remember is telling my grandma what had happened. And I remember bits and pieces of therapy.
At the age of 16, I had to have a lump removed from my breast. The day I came home from the hospital, my stap dad started to sexually abuse me, it started out fondling and then turned into a daily rape session. Every morning that is how he would wake me. It was horrible, I told my mom, and she promised it would stop, but she didnt leave him. She stayed. It didnt stop, and I told her it was still happening, she PROMISED that it would stop. It didnt, in August of that year my grandmother died. I had gone to her house every weekend to escape what was going on, and then after she died I had no where I could go. I took her death pretty hard. We were close. On Christmas day of that year I was on the internet in a Yahoo chat room and I met the man of my dreams. Jeff. We hit it off right away and started dating...online...i called him every day on my way to and from work, i talked to him every night online. He was amazing. I told him my secret, and he set up for me to come to Denver and go to a shelter for Runaways, where no one could force me to go home until I was ready. I took a huge chance and went 1200 miles to meet a man that could have very well chopped me into bits.
A week later, I decided I was ready to come home and press charges on my step dad, Jeff came with me. My mom, at that point didnt want me because she planned on staying with him. Jeff and I moved in with my father. He bought me a car, and life was ok. I started seeing a counsler, and writing in an online diary. My dad read a poem I wrote and said I was suicidal, and him and the counsler started working to either admit me to a mental hospital or put me on meds. I freaked out and ran away again with Jeff, this time taking my car.
Since the car wasnt in my name my father reported it stolen. While living with Jeff I became pregnant and decided I needed to come back to Wisconsin to deal with everything before the baby came. When I came back, I was no longer allowed to see Jeff unless Human Services sceduled a visit. Which was never. I lived with my aunt for a while, who then decided a pregnant teen was too much to handle and she sent me to a foster home. While in the foster home, I graduated high school, and pled guilty to Misd. Theft, and got sentenced to 18 months probation.
In December of 2005 I graduated, turned 18, got discharged from foster care, moved in with Jeff, and had my daughter, Chloe. In May of 2006 we decided to move back in with my dad per his request and help him out with cleaning and what not in lou of rent. In August of 06 I found out I was pregnant again, much to my surprise because I was on birth control. In November of 2006 we had a falling out with my dad and became homeless. We lived in a shelter until the end of January, and then we moved into the Apartment in two rivers. On April 29th I had another beautiful baby girl, Nevaeh Sunshine. In June we moved to Denver Colorado.
There, if you made it this far, Good job!!
This journal was made today!
The purpose of this journal is to document the progress of Group 23 throughout the Spring 2008 semester of Pharmacoeconomics. Please feel free to update it whenever you want to!
It was a bright and gleeful summer day. A day that any child would enjoy, as their friends come over and play outside or to become absorbed in video games; but for me, it was merely another day of hell…
"Asakura! Get your ass down this here this minute!" yelled his mother. The shrill of her voice filled the whole house and I reluctantly started towards the source. I trudged down the stairs with the taste of bitter disgust stuck in my mouth, anger boiling within me with each step that I took; a response spurred by the utter resentment I had for my family and nearly everybody associated with it.
I am a boy of seventeen. My mother hails from Japan and my father is Chinese. I had my heart stomped on, mangled and left virtually useless when my girlfriend of seven months left me with no explanation. I don't have the best family; and have practically no friends. I had nowhere to turn until I met my sweet gothic Naomi. She is the one who cheered me up when I was crying on the way home. Well, actually she saw the bad shape I was in and she slapped me across the head to knock me out of my slump, and told me to stop crying. As unorthodox as her methods are, they are the only ones that work. I saw sincere care in her dark eyes, something I so rarely see.
"Asakura Cozy, look at this mess that you have caused in the kitchen!!" Mom exclaimed. I narrowed my eyes slowly yet cautiously to see what disaster lay within the room ahead. What I saw made me stop and stare; I stood there amazed at what was once a kitchen that glittered and shone, but was now dull and nasty, as pots were dangling from shelves with slimy green liquid coming out of them, accompanied by a pungent smell that made my nose feel like it was about to melt off. So I started to turn away to gasp for some air, but before I could do that I felt a sharp pain across my back that almost made me fall to the floor.
I said in pain, "What was that for?" And when I turned around again, I saw my mother; her eyes were red with fury, her pupils nothing but black holes that led to torture. Before I could explain to my mom that it wasn't my fault (even though it would be a waste of my breath to argue), she pushed me into the kitchen and yelled at me to clean it up. As I stood there fuming by myself and glaring around at the miracle it would take for me to accomplish this task, my rage so great it overrode my impulse to vomit, I saw my two sisters Amaya and Shiri laughing their heads off at the torture that they had arranged for me to go through. But before I could find something hard to toss at them, they dashed off to safety.
It took agonisingly long hours to finish cleaning up the mess that was not my doing, and I was exhausted. With the taste of disgust and anger preserved with also the pungent smell which still burnt my nose and still made my stomach churn, I decided to take a cold shower in an attempt to get rid of this stress and anger that I was feeling.
Then suddenly I heard the doorbell ring and the thought that that person might be here to see my parents made me decide to move like my old geezer grandpa, which would probably have been the case either way with how tired I was; in short, I took a very long time to reach the door. And even then, I stopped for a while as I grasped the cool doorknob, various thoughts swarming through my head. The doorbell sounded again, but I still didn't open the door immediately. But I knew the reaction my parents would have if I took too long, so after waiting a few more seconds, I turned the knob.
When I pulled open the door, I was a bit surprised to see Naomi standing there. She immediately embraced me and held me so tight, it was as if she was trying to crack every bone in my body. I was too surprised to ask her why she was so excited, but I was glad to see her, regretting my little attempt at rebellion. Then, with absolutely no warning, she released me, grabbed what was left of my prune hands (from all the cleaning) and started leading me, a bit roughly, away from my house.
"Come over to my house," she exclaimed with a wide smile. "I've got a surprise for you!"
She almost didn't let me close the door behind me.
"Naomi! This isn't like you, why the hell are you so happy today, and what's this big surprise?" I asked, Naomi's dark hair flowing behind her.
"If I told you now it won't be a surprise," Naomi said, smiling gleefully. Then she tugged me even harder as we came closer to her house.
"Uh, come on, I wanna sleep Naomi, can't you show me this another time when I'm actually awake?" I retorted tiredly.
"You can sleep after, you big baby," she remarked.
We finally arrived at her house. Naomi swung the door open releasing me momentarily so I could climb the stairs without falling forward, although she still pushed me verbally. Then she took me to her computer, which had two helmets sticking out at the side of it. I looked at her angrily, a look of pure fury on my face. I almost felt like killing her. "You dragged me here for this?!!" I yelled.
With a small voice, she answered, a bit surprised and disappointed with my reaction, no doubt, "Yes."
I was in no mood for this. I turned to leave but she was too fast; she pulled me by my shirt, dragged me to the seat as though I was her pet and slammed one of the helmets on my head.
"Quit it, Naomi! Games are for losers!" I yelled, my tone as livid as before. But the next thing I knew, I couldn't see or hear anything. What did she do?
The apprehension and fear lasted no more than a few seconds and presently, my senses returned. But I was no longer in Naomi's room; I was somewhere else. It looked like the scene from a fantasy flick. There were buildings around. They were not the concrete structures I was used to, but they were made of clay. The sign that bore the name of the town was made of wood. Street vendors called out to passer-bys the items they carried; like rare items, weapons and armour. This place… for some reason, I felt at peace here, despite the fact that strange-looking characters crowded the streets. The fresh air in this pristine world was wonderfully simulated. A beautiful, clear river trickled along nearby. Elaborately dressed patrons turned to look at me, standing there all alone.
Then, after a few moments later, a flash of flame bolted down beside me and when it was gone, Naomi was left; but she looked different. She had the look of a female soldier; her black hair with red highlights had been replaced by long snow-white hair. Virtual Naomi had a clear beautiful, tender body covered by a coat of amour with long leather boots. She wore a golden band over her head like a crown in the middle of it was a precious blue stone and finally she was armed with a beautiful – but undoubtedly deadly – sword with the edges glistening, as though it cut the sun's rays in every direction and in the middle of it were ancient symbols that were blue and glowing brightly.
It was then that I decided to see what changes this virtual world made to my appearance. Quietly, I walked over to the river and the person that I saw wasn't the Asakura I was used to. I still looked my age, but I was no longer the pale skin and bones I used to be. My hair was still brown, but spiked; my muscles surprised me but not as much as the glowing tattoos on my right arm. A very large sword (longer than I was tall, and I was taller in this world) rested in its hilt, which was strapped across my back. It had a golden handle with a dragon chain at the end. Instead of armour I was dress in black garments, you couldn't see my mouth as the clothes covered my mouth and stretched to my belt buckle as I was wearing leather pants with boots that felt as hard as steel and they too were black leather.
For a moment I stared at my reflection, I said softly, "This sure beats real life." Then I turned my eyes away from the new me. I stretched my new muscles, realizing the just how tired I was. Although reluctant to leave, I didn't see anywhere to sleep in this place. "How do you take off the helmet?" I called over to Naomi.
The stunning figure before me answered with seemingly great disappointment that I wanted to leave already. "You have to pull it off by holding your head then you pull it up," she said in a low tone. I tried it, but still found myself in the game.
"Idiot," Naomi said as she made the same gesture; NO LUCK! She looked at me in astonishment.
For a moment I just stood there thinking it was all a dream; actually a nightmare. While Naomi tried constantly to take off the helmet, each time to no avail. Then with the anger from earlier and the tiredness that I felt, I let out a loud, anguished cry. I didn't even care that my tattoo began to blaze even more brightly and that the crowds of passer-bys, vendors and customers, turned curious eyes in our directions, probably wondering if I was possessed or something. From there tears of sorrow and anger began flowing down my face as I stared at Naomi, she was now coming up to me, with her mighty sword she used the handle and thrashed me across the head.
"Cut the crap, Asakura! This isn't helping either of us!"
"Well, you knocking me in the head isn't helping either!" I retorted.
"What're you lookin' at?" Naomi demanded as she turned to the curious eyes of those around us. Either losing interest or not wanting to challenge the obviously angry – and possible insane – pair of warriors, they went back to their business.
I did feel a little better, though, after crying a bit and yelling at Naomi, although my head still hurt. This virtual reality was amazing; each sensation must have been sent directly to my brain, so it felt as real as if I were in my own house getting whooped by Mom. I stared at Naomi's character and I said in a low tone, "What're we gonna to do?"
Always quick to answer, she said, "Guess we have to finish the game and see, we also have to find a guild."
I asked her to explain what she meant by "guild". She said it was a group of people working together for the same thing - a team. As I was about to ask her one final question, she appeared to read my mind.
"This game is called The Terra; I won it in a sweepstakes I entered."
I then took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and looked around again to see what journey I had ahead of me in this
"Terra," I thought….
To be continued……
Well guys I finally got over the fact that I'm stuck in a virtual world, I am happy though that I can get away from my parent. The only hard part now is that I have to make friends Ugh (lol).
Next: Chapter 2: The Trials Ahead
oh, the trials and tribulations of one so terrifically troubled.
Today was the first day back, and was it boring. I just couldn't stop thinking of the fact that those annoying days of teachers excessively talking and tests, and homework came back. Vacation just seemed so relaxing, even though they seemed very short, boring, and uninteresting.
But anyways, not here to whine about homework, instead, to avoid homework, I would like to talk to friends online, myspace, msn, and everything. I'm taking a "break" from homework. Write to me, I'd like to meet somebodyhere. c/b
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regnor 35, Male, Canada - First entry!
