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I sit here wondering how life is going to be next year. There's a new school, with all new people, I'm not sure how I'm going to do. This year, everyone changed. There are a lot of people that now have fake personalities, and talk about me behind my back, just like they do to everyone else. It hurts, cause I was best friends with all these people last year. I don't know what's going to happen next year, but I sure hope things get better. I've tried hurting myself a couple of times, but luckily I have some good friends who stopped me, and I'm not very good coping with pain. Then there's dance..I'm a competition dancer. But, it's not as great as it sounds. A lot of the dancers don't like me, it's my first year as a competitive dancer, I'm sorry I'm not perfect. There's a pool party today, so I better get ready for that. I'm so sick of babysitting my sister everyday of my summer, and it's only the first week. Lovely.

I am such an emotional wreck. I have fallen for this guy and this guy doesn't know that I exist as a member of the female gender. I�long to have his arms wrapped around me, or to nuzzle my cheeks in his chest. Geez! At forty, I act like a teenager before this guy

I had an MRI of my knee this morning in an attempt to diagnose what has been wrong with it ever since it buckled on me while I was in pursuit of my son a month ago.� Being claustrophobic, it was a less than pleasurable 40 minutes, and I can only hope that it does indeed reveal something is wrong with my knee.

Of course, I do not like the prospect of needing any surgery to repair what damage I may have caused, especially with the looming visit to the orthopedic surgeon about my hips.

All of these leg problems before our approaching trips to Chicago in July and Walt Disney World in September could not have come at a worse moment.� The worst that could come to pass is that I may require a wheelchair to get around on both vacations, and at my age, I do not like this idea very much.� It certainly does not sit well with my ego, who still believes me to be around the young and tender age of 20 (and in reasonably good health).

Alas, all that I can do now is wait and see.

Our class are going to Arethusa venture center in Rochester, by the river Medway, on Monday and I can't wait. We're going to sleep in separate dormitorys with our friends, I'm going with Chris, Oscar and Oli. All of us are going to bring sweets to eat in the night, its going to be really cool. At the venture center there are climbing walls, an extra large swimming pool, the river which we are going to go kyacking in, an archery ground and lots of other cool stuff. We are going with Mr Johnson and Mrs Cullinane, who have been many times before with other classes. It's gonna be great! This is the website: www.arethusa.org.uk

i wasnt feeling well. it was so hOoT the whole day..

i feel like im goin` to die. it's so humid..

work was kinda slow and� boring..but im still TIRED!!

i hate felling tired..its really killing me..

by the way, i haven't introduce myself

who cares! its not a big deal tho.. RIGHT?!?!

i dont care what are you gonna say

but i want you to listen

to everything words im gonna say..

i need you to listen..

im sad..im really really sad.

i need help..

i dont know what to do..

i cannot help myself from holding back

yes im with someone else right now

but its not right..you wanna know why?

its because..im just lying to this person

i know its sound� so BAD..

but im not a bad person..

i just want to make this person to be happy...

what should i do?...