�Wil Mr. Right for me ever find me, does he know how to get in contact with me. Is he aware that I exist outside of his childish fantasies? I have been told on many occasions that god has someone specifically designed for me. Well where is he, and why hasnt he manifiested himself. I'm ready! I want someone who is kind, gentle, warmhearted, attractive and attracted to me. A man who is trustworthy, sincere, affectionate, humble, emotionally, physically, financially stable with very little drama. If he outgoing and� enjoys children and loves to laught travel, and watch movies this would be great.� Lastly he needs to be a christian that lives what he says.
Maybe I want too much , I dont believe this is the case though. I just dont want to be hurt again.
I dont understand why I continue to conversate with Gene. He is an asshole, every since I told him that florida people are backward thinking. He is just dumb I meant domb as my father would say. LoL. I can see his mind churning, he isnt getting the goods and neither is anyone else for that matter. Today seems kind of warm, I hope this is a good day. Everything he says is "you know what I mean. And he calls himself educated. Why am I wasting my time? He is intimidated by me its so obivious. I guess he came here to escape his felonious past. I hope he didnt kill anyone. You can never be sure with people these days. Hell shawcross was a serial killer, yet people say he was very tame. On to another subject Randy he is very territorial. I am not his woman, I get the impression he would like me to be. I will not commit to him or any other man at this time. Oh yea I fell up the stairs yesterday damn did it hurt too.� Alone I layed supine on the floor in a daze. I was scared that I wouldnt recover! I have a very long scratch under my breast to my my waist. It is ugly!� Told walt about it and ask could he put some cocoa butter on it.� First time for alot of things.... I change before he came had on boxers, switched to capri's. Too much skin exposed.
Of course he obliged without hesitation. This was the closest we have ever been. Then he pulled me close to him it was nice. Here's the shocker he KISSED ME. Let me rephrase that we kissed, I didnt pull away. I kissed him too I should have used more restraint..As long as I've been� aquainted with him, he has never� touched me, I mean Never ok. Not holding my hand nothing, so I asked him did he drink some courage juice or something. I would have went to his house with him� to chill but he told me that was not a good idea plus my shoes were no where to be found.. Probably right about that. At least I�can read him easily. I didnt tell him this but, I saw another side to him, he has been hurt bad in the past.� I could see past what I call his� thug facade,� briefly, he is soft. Walt has never put the moves on me, or tried to force me� into doing anything. But when he kissed me I was stunned. I did tell him though I do not make it a habit of kissing my friends. He makes me laugh, his sense of humor is awesome! Not sure how the subject came about but he told he is working with� 12 inches. So Iam thinking another dude bragging as always. Then he proceeds to say he is dick is 2 inches and his tongue is 10, that is some funny shit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!� Another year,� THANK YOU GOD, for this year.� I can't believe I have� lived 3 years longer than my first husband.� He died when he was 30.� Sometimes I miss him so much still, which is wierd becaues I am remarried.�
Cory is gone, out of town working,,, weeks of no husband SUCKS!� So, thankfully I have a great mom, who lives close enough to surprise me.,, She brought me starbucks, flowers and donuts to my at work, and then took us out to supper,,,and even brought a lil' carrot cake to supper.� I love my mommy!�
THANK YOU LORD!
Hey everyone, it's me, Sunlight! ^_^ except i'm nawt alone today... my friend and Sis Cici the hedgehog!! <3 Cici: hey everyone! what's up? It's yer girrrrrrl... Cici in da HOOOOOOOOOOUSE! X3 go on wit' your bad self.
well... now that THAT'S out of my system... let's get on to buzzzinass... lol�that sound funneh XD um... me and Fury are NO LONGER together >.> i got Amy and Shaddie-kun (Shadow) together <3 and Sonic... well... he's SONIC X333 um.. Rouge and Knuckles are doin' well... they figured a way to balance de skool thang and ze babii thang out purrfectly ^_^ i'm so happy for them...
ps: the title is part of the song "What Hurts The Most" by Cascada
i can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
i can take a few tears now and then and just let'em out
i'm not a-afraid to cry every once in a while (cause that's not what gets me)
there are days every now and again that i pretend i'm ok
but that's not what gets me
what hurts the most was being soo close
having so much to say & watchin' you walk away
never knooowin' what could have been... not seeing that and lovin' you is what i was trying to do
it's hard to deal with the pain of loosing you every where i go
but i'm doing it
it's hard to force that smile when i see you're old friend and i'm alone
it's still harder...
getting up getting dressed living with regret
but i know if i could do it over
i would change all the words that i saved in my heart that i left unspoken
having so much to say and watchin' you walk away
never knooowing what could have been not seein' that and lovin' you is what i was tryin' to do (Oh woah! heeeey yeah!)
i'm not a-afraid to cry every once in a while even though goin' on with you boy still upsets me there are days every now and again i pretend i'm ok
but that's not what gets me...
what hurts the most was bein' soo close
never knoooowin' what could have been not seein' that and lovin' you is what i was trying to do...
i'm very sad as you can see... well, journal and people out there... i'll see ya around... whenever.
Forever and always, ~Sunlight <3�
September 10, 2008
This week the new Z Max dragstrip next to Lowe’s Motor Speedway is opening.� Last night they had a VIP party there.� Apparently anybody who is somebody in the racing industry was there.� The guests who attended were able to take their personal cars and race them on the drag strip.� We saw everything from Ferraris, Porsches, Lamborghini to a Jeef Cherokee.� Oh yah, and a Ford F150.� There were several NASCAR drivers out at the event.� We saw Kurt Busch and Kasey Kahne driving there cars. �It was a pretty neat event to watch.� Now, I’m not quite considered a VIP on the local scene here….. so how I go invited?� I just happened to have worked last weekend with a guy that works over at Lowe’s Motor Speedway and he invited me to go.�
well things cant get much worse so i'm waiting for it to get better thats what they say when you hit rock bottom theres only one way left to go and thats back up.so here i am sitting in anticipation of what life is going to throw at me next and guess what no matter what it is i;m just going to smile and get on with it life is too short for self pity if you sit round feeling sorry for your self then one day you will drownd in and i'm too good a swimmer for that they say these things are sent to try us well they definatley are very trying
�
中秋游泰山
今年的中秋节, 我带着敦敦兴致勃勃地踏上了先父生长的齐鲁大地. 我们清晨到达泰山站, 敦敦尊其父旨, 一路左手拿着大行囊, 右手护着老妈. 不瞒你说, 当娘的有机会享受被儿子照顾的感觉, 真是十分的美妙.
当天下午, 我们缓步孔府, 孔庙和孔林, 先用佛道儒三合一哲学沐浴露洗了个澡. 孔林给我留下最深的印象, 孔林占地很大, 树草繁茂, 墓碑林立, 错落有致, 坐车游览都有苍苍碑海望不到尽头的感觉, 这是世界上唯一的一座79代家族墓地. 我一直问自己一个问题, 上下五千年, 芸芸众生, 志士文人, 帝王将相, 为啥只有孔家人有这样的完满归宿, 在游完墓地的时候我都未能完成对这个问题的思考.
第二天一早, 我们带着圣人的气味, 开始行泰山, 泰山是神山, 泰山老奶奶有求必应, 不然乾隆皇帝不会御临泰山九次, 岱庙里, 敦敦虔诚地点燃一个 ‘福灯’ 祈福全家人都心想事成. 庙里的人蛊惑我们, “这个 ‘福灯’ 一生只要点一次. 而且不用还愿.” 点福灯要付一百六十元, 为表对泰山老奶奶诚心敬重. 我们母子自愿被忽悠了一次. 免得心不诚被他老人家贬在泰山脚下回不了家.
祈福完毕, 我们便翻了一个 ‘奥地利’ 跟斗 (缆车是引进奥地利技术) 登上了泰山. 中午在 ‘南天门’, 饥肠辘辘的娘俩撞进一家山间小店, 山东大娘拿来煎饼卷大葱, 韭菜饼和香椿拌豆腐, 我们三下五除二把肚子填饱后一口气登上了泰山极顶, 玉皇顶, 因为不是凭体力爬着上山, 自然没有分外的喜悦. 我们在玉皇庙里独尊冥想了五六分钟就开始顺着陡长的十八盘下山. 敦敦一路遥遥领先, 时不时就得停下来等老妈, 偶尔爬上大的山石睡一睡, 体会一下武松当年躺在青石板上的惬意. 最令我们心旷神怡的是下到半山腰, 挥汗回首十八盘和南天门. 用心跟薄雾中的泰山平等对话. 此时你的身体跟大山相比是何等的渺小, 但你的心灵在大山的衬托下显得无比的高尚.
在下山的路上我们迎面遇到三个泰山挑夫, 他们都是大约40岁上下的男子, 每个人都光着上身, 脚山的布鞋都有洞, 肩挑216瓶水, 喘着气, 一步一步往上蹭. 其中一个瘦的挑夫, 心肺功能不好, 嘴呈现缺氧的紫色, 脸色黄白, 棕褐色的脊背被扁担压变了型, 他每挪一步都在挣扎着透气. 实在有点不敢正眼看他, 感觉他时刻有跌倒的可能. 我向路边卖西瓜的小贩打听挑夫的收入时才知道, 挑夫们的收入本来就十分微薄, 可恨的工头还要把挑夫用血汗换来的钱吞掉一半. 望着他们的蹒跚背影, 我明白了一个道理, 不管他们的身体是多么的柔弱, 命运是多么的不幸, 只要目标坚定, 这些被社会底层踩着的挑夫们不是用身体而是用心把水挑到自己的目的地. 力争自己的圆满.
每个爬泰山的人都对这座神山心怀敬仰, 大家不单是来赏景, 更重要是来净魂. 泰山的迎客松虽不及黄山迎客松的名气大, 但论其姿色丝毫不逊于后者. 虽然泰山不及黄山美也不及华山险, 但历史上它是地位不可撼动的群山老大, 你很难听到有哪位雅士用 ‘稳如黄山’, ‘峨嵋压顶’ 之类的词.
短短两天的经历让我们感到齐鲁文化不可思议的厚重, 今天凌晨走下从泰山到上海的火车时, 我嘴里还有很浓的山东大葱的味道. 这个中秋过得真是不同寻常.
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