"If you think healthcare is expensive now, just wait until you see how expensive it is when it's free."
- P. J. O'Rourke
地板师傅
�
我家的地板该保养了, 地板油公司用提供免费服务的方法推销他们的产品. 我做了准备上钩的鱼, 答应她们派师傅上门服务. 下午一点我开门, 一个瘦弱的男孩拎着一大箱的工具和地板油, 站在我面前. “我应该管您叫阿姨吧?” 我说, 叫啥都没问题. 我说: “不好意思, 中午我忙着吃点东西, 没提前在这候着, 让你在大门外多等了一会”. 他说: “对不起, 实际上是我早到了一会.” 我问他吃饭了吗, 他说 “没来得及.” �
他的工作服后背上印着显眼的‘地板师傅’四个大字吸引了我的视线. 20年前我曾经研究过社会阶级阶层, 还真无法想象如今的社会分工都精细到地板这个层次了. 他态度谨慎, 动作小心, 喷洒涂抹, 一板一眼. 他边干边聊家常, 今年21岁, 是安徽人, 干这活有几年了, 他得卖掉地板油才会赚到钱. 我说我明白, 免费服务一般来说不成立. 家里还有不少地板油, 如果我满意他的活, 我会考虑用他们公司专业服务. 听到我说会 “考虑”, 男孩本来自然的脸不由地紧绷了起来. 涂完油后要晾干一会才可以抛光, 他立在厅里等. 我说 “我给你买点面包, 吃完再干”. 他说: “不用了, 公司有规矩, 不许吃客户的东西”. 我说: “你可以坐在沙发上休息一会. 公司总不能剥夺你坐一会的权利吧?” 他说 “我不能坐下, 因为坐下以后, 再站起来继续干就有些困难.” 显然失望的情绪增加了他的饥饿和疲惫感. 空着肚子渴望做成的生意现在希望渺茫, 他连站起身得力气都没了. 他板着淌汗的脸, 尽量让我看不出来他的沮丧.
一小时的活干完了, 我很满意地看着干净光亮的地板. “我得卖掉地板油才会赚到钱.” 他开始收拾东西时又小心地强调了一次. “谢谢你, 我要六盒地板油.” 那张紧绷的脸终于松弛了下来. 他似乎不相信地说, “东北人做决定真是痛快. 我今天挣到了60元!” 我对他说, “年轻人, 你知道东北人家并不缺地板油, 东北人是想让你知道, 只要你坚持认真干活的态度, 就不会白干, 总是有回报的.”
Im about to fuck dj up, its like once i go oops upside his head he can act like he got some fucking sense. Isaiah is alright for the moment, but I cant lie they're are those times when I think... wooo, that bout sums it up. DJ needs to be on his medication fo real. xc is acting like my sister's kids tuning me out when I know damn fucking well she heard me the first time. All day I've had this sense of sadness.��A beat down is the cure for all/everything. Contemplating checking for good.� I cant take this shit. Hate it when dumb ass motha fucka's tell me this is my job.� Then what is their father's job? Why do men get to walk away, but if I were to even attempt this I would� subjected to all kinds of bullshit.
�ok Iam getting more and more frustrated by the minute. Daniel is going to make me beat his ass, my sister's kids are ok right now. They are a little hard headed at times. I havent a clue as to what she plans to do about her living arrangements. Bet she doesnt care. She needs to figure it out. One to another topic. Daymon hasnt called all day. I guess he talked to larry. Perhaps the joke is on them both. I cant stop my mind from wandering. Tony keeps coming to the fore front of� my mind. I need to leave this house. Dont want to chill with randy the guy I met a year ago. Or daymon cause I cant loosen up and be myself. Herbie will never get oustside the friendship zone, nice to chat with but nothing more. He is very clear about what he wants, besides I have a funny feeling he is in a relationship with his baby mama. Then there's Eli, who believes I need a total makeover, begining with my hair or lack thereof. Will it ever happen? Who out there is like me radical, progressive, or fearless? I dont want to marry or date a carbon copy of myself. Jeez is having something in common so bad though? I need intimacy right now. How can I get it? That is without giving up the goods? Tony comes to mind... had to back up off of him. Last time he was off the meter. Got all aggressive, quite scary. He choked slapped me during sex. I would enjoy being held by someone nice.
I just got off the phone with walt the guy I took keyboading with @mcc. He is crazy, he makes me laugh.� Sunday he gave�dj� and I a ride to church, this was the only time he's seen� me in a dress. Walt was like damn girl you fine,� he cut some one off in traffic just so he could get a closer look at my legs.� It is nice to�be wanted. on to another topic, Daymon. The handsome, arrogant often judgemental, controlling sexy as hell deacon@. Yeah the one I have been liking for ions! I finally gathered� the courage to call him, to say he was shocked is stating it midly. We have been chatting on the phone for� a few days.� It's obvious he's been hurt. So have I, may times. He has some character flaws, but this doesnt prevent me from wanting to know more of him. In the short period of� time that I've been aquainted with him he's managed to�reduce me to tears, touch my soul as well as break down some barriers. Often times I can see how fragile also vunerable he is.
�Yet, I can not help wonder if this is a game for him though. Seriously. He's larry's friend who swears Iam sent from heaven for him alone. Larry and I have never had a relationship nor will we ever!� larry believes that Daymon� is the man in my life. Why daymon would mislead larry or taunt him with blatant untruth's is beyond me. I think Daymon is down right cruel!� Im thinking this is some type of competition for them both. Two grown men behaving like kids! Daymon thinks I enjoy this attention, I dont. My intent is not to hurt either of them. I already made it clear (or at least I think so) to daymon that I am interested in him alone at this point.
Ok here I go again,I lost my password to my�previous account. So I just used the same name with a different spelling.� Wow much has changed but much is the same. CPS is still in my business "like a wendy interview". It has been four years. I cant believe it myself sometimes.��
The worker the kids have now is ok for the most part, however she can get a bit nosy. Inquiring about how I pay my bills, do I have help (like a boyfriend or� something). Shit I wish this were the case. I want someone nice for my children. A positive role model, not a father. Although their father's aint worth the tissue each of them wipe their ass on they're� father's just the same. Everytime I think I have met someone I can build something with, it goes to shit. One was married and allegedly divorcing his wife of 11yrs. Then there's Eli who cant accept no or my terms for friendship. He always wants�more. I cant see myself committing to a man who believes and says that Iam easy.�He has these ideas about who Iam what Iam and how I should live my life. Why are men who are domineering attracted to me? Perhaps they think they can break my spirit? NEVER! Hmmm, let me see oh yeah, tony called me out of the blue� last night. He wanted to hook up, of course I was tempted to take him up on his offer. Remembering what we did....hmmm�good� god almighty he is blessed.�That's all I�will say about that. . At this time in my life I need more, substance. Which he isnt offering. He's now aware of how I feel about him. I had to spell it out! I told tony I had a boyfriend, yet he doesnt care. He wants me, end of conversation. I must've struck a nerve, cause he got real quiet then said ok beth. That was it. If it werent for the fact that Iam trying to behave myself� IDk what would have transpired.� I need to be close to a man, well not just any man of course. One� that� has a mutual attraction,is single and prepared step out of his comfort zone. Yes Iam a christian, however I have needs. And lots of wants lol. I ponder whether there is someone that is designed specifically for me. I just want to be loved as well as accepted. Is this too much? comprimising is fine but I refuse to altar my entire being to please or pacify. Although on many levels I feel unworthy of attention, intimacy,also adoration yet I� crave it. Is there anyone out there for me? Or�am I just wasting� energy that could be used doing something more gratifying?�
it went bang, the starting gun
and we both began to run
pounding feet and rhythmic arms
and you never lost your charm
in the stands my friends did cheer
but the only sound i hear
is your voice, oh so close
and you never lost your motivation
the race, the chase
the time is here
for you to choose
for you to near
the finish line
or never cross
but i hope you got
i hope you got
the need, the speed
the want, the greed
to have me close and never leave
and i know you want to run with me
and i want you to chase, i want you to chase me
and your eyes glow over me
and in this yerning i cant breathe
and my heart is gaining pace
so if you really want to race
put one foot in front of
the other and begin to run
now the finish line is near
and you want to end right here
but you know the race is long
and i hope you liked this song
and want to..
to race, to chase
your�time is here
you get�to choose
you get�to near
i hope�cross
�and i know you got
i know you got
you can have me clase, take the lead
and i�hope you want to run with me
the music of the sympony
remind me of, yeah you and me
but the sound is gone, the song has passed
you shut the door, this never lasts
why dont you stay?
why dont you staaaay in this place
i will remain
i will remaaain in my place
and i have lived entirely
upon the words you sang to me
but now they mean nothing to me
now you mean nothing to me
and yet
i want to stay
i want to staaaay in your grace
i cant refrain
i cant refraaain from all this
theres so many things that i'dd say if i werent afraid
if i werent afraid
theres so many times that i'vve missed my chance to explain
my chance to explain
all of the feelings i have kept
under the rug and table set
paterbabe 54, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 69 entries
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