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        MariPanda  31, Female, Nevada, USA - 17 entries
    03
    Feb 2007
    10:53 AM PDT
       

    Hey. Today, my parents bought new furniture. Hooray. Also, I want to talk about a friend of mine. She goes to my school, and is in three of my classes. She's nice and everything, but there's just something about her that I find annoying. She's always sad or depressed most of the time, and she won't admit it. She'll always say, "Nothing's wrong." Pssh, sure. Oh..we're doing a project for reading, and I couldn't find a person to research. My teacher said we could work with a friend, so I asked Deanna*. Deanna said okay and we went to go find a book together (we were in the library). We found a book on Isabella, the Queen of Spain, and sat down at the tables. We started skimming through the book and wrote down some info. Then, I thought this project would be easy, since I had someone to work with. Wrong.
    When the bell rang, I packed up my stuff, and started talking to Deanna about how we were going to share the book.

    DEANNA: What? Um..I'M doing Isabella, remember?
    ME: ??? What? I thought we were gonna work together.
    -We were working on it like, 2 seconds ago!-
    DEANNA: No, I didn't say that. -starts hugging the book like a child-
    ME: Deanna, you said we could!
    -confused-
    DEANNA: Psh, no I didn't! I'm working on Isabella, not you.
    ME: Then why didn't you tell me before?! Then I could've checked out a book on a different person!
    -You made me waste freaking time?!
    DEANNA: Whatever.


    What person would actually do that? Tell a friend you would help her out, and back out the last minute. Now, here I am, stuck with a-soon-to-be 'F'. Thanks Deanna. Anyways, she's just.....annoying. Or boring. It's like she doesn't want to be my friend, but she does. I'm like, quit lying and just say it! You don't need to make someone annoyed for nothing! She dislikes most of my friends, just because she doesn't have that much as I do.
    (That sounds selfish, I know, but I'm on a roll here)
    If she does something biznatchy again, I'm gonna explode, right in her face. Seriously. But I hope she'll change.

    SAM!!!! How I would love to meet him someday. His smile always makes my day. Always. I want to be the REASON he smiles.
    (Corny alert xD)
    But I'll have to give him up someday, somehow.
    But the someday hasn't come yet ;)


    *=Name has been changed
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        questioningeverything  38, Female, California, USA - 16 entries
    03
    Feb 2007
    7:45 AM PST
       

    Over 100 more Iraqis died today in one blast. For days now I have heard 100 lives hear 100 lives there as if it isn't a big deal. What the hell is wrong with this world? The numbers of Iraqis dead since the beginning of this war varies from 60,000 to 600,000. that is so many people. Not to mention our soliders and other countries' soldiers. How can people honestly believe violence is the solution to a problem. I didn't realize how much I don't agree with this war and war in general. Last semester we talked about war in general and if it is necessary. Even World War II, the good war, I don't think was necessary. The Revolutionary War which is what our country was found on was necessary. This world would be a different place though. If you look at Canada they gain their independence without a war. Live how you feel you want to live, but no one knows how we're all supposed to live anymore than the next person. who says I am living the way I am supposed to? Religion seems to be the cause of so many wars and I am sure whatever god or spirit or tree you believe in, I don't think you are supposed to kill or hurt others. How can people think they have the right to fight someone because they believe something different. In India, they have countless religions from Muslims to Catholics but they never or rarely have any religion problems! It isn't a problem. You live how you live and I will believe what I live and we can work and live together and then go to the temple and I will go to church and see you tomorrow. How can they report on 100 more people dead because of a bomb and we all listen to it and say nothing. I was just sitting there listening the news. Another bomb has gone off in Iraq and over 100 killed. It is the biggest killing with one hit since the US invaded in 2003. Moving on, there was a hurricane in Flordia 19 are dead. Next, AIDS has killed 1000 around the world today. That's nice. Britney Spears is going to get married next week and possible adopt another baby. OMG what is she thinking? How could she do that again? She is going have some messed up kids. Oh wait 1000s of people have died and you react to the news about Britney Spears. Think about it...
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    1 comment(s) - 09:23 PM - 02/03/2007
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        Ashli  34, Female, California, USA - 24 entries
    03
    Feb 2007
    10:46 AM EDT
       

    hey every 1 remember wen i told u about stephanie and how nothing really happened with that...well aparrently it was just miscomunication on both sides cause i thought she didnt want to talk ans she thought that i didnt want to talk...so we talked and now we are going to try this again and i really think that this time it will work out alot better...im so happy... :)
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        sk8t3rgal4eva  31, Female, Nevada, USA - 2 entries
    02
    Feb 2007
    4:52 PM MST
       

    ummm... hi! i am soooo bored. i usually never come on here, but i did today cuz i cant sleep, but now i am getting tired so goodnight!
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        SamanthaAlexandra  37, Female, California, USA - 60 entries
    02
    Feb 2007
    2:38 PM PST
       

    I'm realizing that my life is a lot like that of Zachery Braff's character in The Last Kiss. My life is exactly how I had envisioned it as a kid. I'd be in a good college, persuing my amazing future career, balancing school, work, and friendships. Some bumpy spots, but overall, no surprises, nothing interesting is happening. Now, if I get a boyfriend, I'm not going to go behind his back when we get into a fight and start fooling around, but I really hope my equivalent to that comes soon. My wrench in the machine, crack in the sidewalk, white carnation among a field of red roses- I'm ready for it.
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        jazzsoulp  40, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 32 entries
    02
    Feb 2007
    3:24 PM EST
       

    I always tell myself I'm not going to write in the journal today and I end up doing so..dats because I love words..They are ours and no one can take it from us. I wrote 2things today...I wrote my first song and it's entitled Goodbye...Or something of that nature...It's my not my very first song but it's the very first one I am sure of...As u can tell from my name, it's a soulful song. Sounds like a Meshell Ndegeocello meets Norah Jones....hehehe..Cool!!!...Ok, So I had my fone turned off all day because of my usual stalkers. This one guy actually called my friend turned room mate whom is the love of his life but they stopped talking because she doesn't fancy him, more like he disgusts her,..Ohhhh it's a long twisted story...Did I mention that me n him had a fling sorta thing sometime ago then he decided to fall in love with her,..my friend who was once the object of his loathing and whom he used to call names like b**** and h**. Well he decided to hide it from me and she asked me if it would be a problem and I said no she should rock that boat...But then he still kept it from me...So I confronted him and he denied it by denying her and when he was in the tightest corner that had him at a loss of oxygen, he had no choice but to confess to save the rest of what our friendship was and also the rest of his dignity, but killed it by saying..."I understand if you dont want to be my friend anymore"...THEN and THERE...I hung up the phone...hahahahaha....it was hilarious.....*catching my breath*. Yah...i ended the friendship but he lied...he dint understand that I didn't want to be his friend anymore because he kept/keeps stalking me...sad!!! What really hurt me the most is that he told my friend "Well,....I have my ex- girl(Some random chik) and my very good friend (ME) fighting with me because of you, so you need to make a decision"...WOW....More like ARROGANT SON OF A very nice woman (I know/like his mum,..so i'll leave her out of this)...well...he doesn't know that I know that he said all that and that is my basis for being distant becaus I dont think a FRIEND would be so willing to dump you like dat because of hormones..He made me an option which hurt me to my nerves mehn...it killed my spirit for days...But then I had a long summer vacation in Europe so I left all that behind in the states...But I had to come back someday...I did and he is always there...hunting me...I make him sound real bad innit..he's alright,..just when he's away from me. But then he's now like a stalker...I know he is still using me to try to get close to my friend which makes all his invitations to stuff feel wrong..So i've rejected every last offer...Painful, but hey...I have to do what I have to....Spoke to my mum twice..Called her at 4:00am then she woke me up at past 7....hehehe..I lover that woman. O yeah...DK actually called me tonight...dint speak to him tho...thank God...He left a message on my phone @ 3:00am his time...He was definately drunk. I hate when he calls me drunk. Dint we just have an argument about this last weekend...But deep inside me, I think It's cute because it means he's thinking about me when he's having fun...makes me feel special but I still dont like him getting drunk...Sounds hypocritical innit...O well...Sue me...Good Night Journal
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        retirik  58, Female, Illinois, USA - 36 entries
    02
    Feb 2007
    2:19 PM CDT
       

    Опять объявился Карл и снова зовет нас переехать в Балтимор. Карл - это друг Бьорна, чью квартиру во Флориде мы использовали позапрошлым летом. Он и Бьорн вместе работали у Франка в летнем теннисном лагере. Потом Карл переехал в Балтимор (он начальник тенниса в очень престижном кантри-клубе) и стал настойчиво звать Бьорна к себе ассистентом. Обещает обалденную зарплату, бесплатное жилье на первый год, соцпакет, но правда и работы будет много. Этим летом Карл успел жениться на женщине с ребенком. Они приезжали в Чикаго в конце ноября и мы с ними встречались. Мальчик, приемный сын Карла, на год старше Ребешки и они с большим интересом друг к другу приглядывались. Мы обсуждали возможность нашего переезда туда. Мы дали им спонсорские бумаги и договорились, что в ближайшем будущем мы съездим в Балтимор на пару дней (за счет клуба, конечно), чтобы осмотреться. В принципе и Мишель и Карл мне понравились, но мне не нравится, что он время от времени без объяснений пропадает - не отвечает на звонки и сам не звонит. Вроде приятный, но ненадежный. За время дружбы Бьорна и Карла такое случалось раза два-три - Карл пропадает, а через три месяца звонит как ни в чем не бывало. Почему нам это важно: Бьорн не может подавать на визу без спонсора (так как на бумаге мы малоимущие). Карл вызвался быть спонсором. Но! После этого он пропал на два месяца. С самого ноября его невозможно было найти. Мы повисли в воздухе - не можем подавать на визу за неимением спонсора, не знаем, едем мы в Балтимор или нет. Ведь у нас была куча времени съездить туда во время Рождества, чтобы посмотреть, что это за место, что это за работа, и могли бы мы там жить. Но Карл на звонки не отвечал, и время было упущено, и спонсорские бумаги не были подписаны, и в Балтимор мы не съездили. Мы решили, что он передумал, или что жена уговорила его не брать на себя такую ответственность, как спонсорство. И мы решили забыть о Балтиморе. Вдруг, на прошлой неделе, звонит Карл и сообщает Бьорну, что он обо всем договорился, его ждет хорошая работа и хорошая зарплата, обеспечено жилье, и даже спонсорские бумаги будут подписаны. Но что Бьорн должен прибыть до 5 апреля, и решить - да или нет - должен в течение текущей недели. Что это за ерунда? Все обещания на словах. Бумаги "будут подписаны". Неужели мы должны срываться с места только на основании обещаний Карла? В защиту Карла, я должна сказать, что оказывается за эти два месяца он перенес две операции. И все же, он не в коме лежал, уж номер набрать мог бы, нет разве? Вообще, Карл много болеет, и может выйти из строя в любой момент. Конечно это от него не зависит и никто не виноват. Но, положим, мы переедем туда, и Карл выходит из строя. А мы там больше никого не знаем, и Бьорн еще не успел установить личные связи. Страшновато быть в такой зависимости от Карла. Бьорн тянется туда, я это вижу. Обещаны огромные деньги. Он говорит, что хочет обеспечить меня и Ребешку. Это, конечно, хорошо, но ведь и в церковь мы переехали с мыслью о деньгах. И уже в день переезда было ясно, что мы допустили ошибку. Я привожу все эти доводы Бьорну, доказываю ему, что на одного Карла полагаться нельзя, и он со мной соглашается. Но он на сто процентов уверен в Карле, и что тот не бросит его в беде. Единственно, когда я думаю, что неплохо было бы переехать в Балтимор, это когда выхожу на улицу. Минус тринадцать, а с ветром наверное минус двадцать. Я отвожу Ребешку в школу, а школа в пяти минутах ходьбы от нашего дома, и десять минут прихожу в себя, отогреваюсь. А Бьорн ведь все время на улице, да еще у самого озера. Тогда мне хочется переехать, чтобы он не мучился на морозе и ветре. Главное, у нас особенно выбора и нет. Визу не дадут, если спонсор не будет найден. Кроме Карла, помощь предложили Брент и Франк. Брент наш давний друг, с ними мы проводим каждый День Благодарения и вообще встречаемся. Он не обещал помощи, просто сказал: "Пошли мне эти бумаги, я гляну на них". Бьорн послал, и пока на этом все и закончилось. Конечно, нам никто ничего не должен, так что обижаться мы не можем. Ну, также и Франк, работодатель Бьорна, пожелал взглянуть на бумаги. Этого шага Бьорн боится, говорит, если Франк будет спонсором, после этого он будет в пожизненном рабстве у Франка. Я пытаюсь его убедить, что Франк это лучше, чем ничего, и лучше, чем срываться и ехать в другой штат с ребенком, базируясь на устных обещаниях. Но если с Брентом и с Франком ничего не получится, то у нас ничего и не остается, как Карл и надежда, что он подпишет спонсорские бумаги. А если он подпишет, то у нас нет выбора и придется ехать. Дорогие мои, молитесь за нас, чтобы все сложилось к лучшему для нас. Ребешка вернулась в садик после болезни с большой радостью. Принесла домой отчет учительницы о своей "успеваемости" за прошлый семестр. Все в норме и учительница написала очень положительно о Ребешке, было так приятно. Правда, неправильно были подсчитаны Ребешкины пропуски. Она пропустила 15 дней, учитывая поездку в Москву, бронхит и три дня простуды перед Рождеством. А написано было 26. Бьорн пошел выяснять, но оказалось, что и другие родители были не согласны с подсчитанными пропусками. Учительница пообещала, что в следующем семестре все будет подсчитано правильно. Ребешка пристрастилась слушать истории на дисках. Я помню, у нас с Сашей были пластинки, Бременские Музыканты, Маленький Мук и другие. Сейчас уже время пластинок прошло, но есть диски. У Ребешки уже набралась небольшая коллекция, и она играет в куклы и слушает свои истории. Я вернулась на работу. Было приятно вспомнить, что я люблю и умею учить других людей. У меня есть напарник, Даглас, он ведет понедельник и среду, а я вторник и четверг. Это второй уровень, не первый, как раньше. В этом тоже плюс, так как они уже больше разговаривают и лучше понимают. В классе 15 человек, в основном болгары, поляки, югославы, а также две кореянки. В общем, пока мне нравится. От моего дома до ОРТа ехать совсем недолго, минут 15-20.
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        storminorma  64, Female, Florida, USA - 34 entries
    02
    Feb 2007
    10:05 AM EDT
       

    I would have to say Jesus Christ. A mortal being full of peace, and love. He left an example of how we should be to God and one another. He was a Teacher of teachers, and we crucified Him. I try my best to follow his footsteps, albeit human, and although we all fall way short of His greatness, we must keep striving toward the ultimate goal, which is to Love one another, as He loves us.
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        retirik  58, Female, Illinois, USA - 36 entries
    01
    Feb 2007
    8:04 PM CDT
       

    Решила записать, пока не забыла. Ребешка очень ревнует, когда мы с Бьорном подолгу разговариваем. А если обнимаемся, то обязательно просочится, чтобы быть посерединке. Меня это очень забавляет. Она настойчиво мне объясняет: "Мама, это мой папа, а не твой. Когда я вырасту, то выйду за него замуж". Я говорю: "А как же я? Можно я тогда выйду за твоего кавалера из садика - Чэза?" Она: "Ни в коем случае. Папа мой, и Чэз мой". Я спрашиваю: "А за кого же мне тогда выходить?" Она: "Выходи за дедушку. Он хороший". ("Why don't you marry your Dad? He's nice".)
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        lockshockbarrel  39, Female, Canada - 4 entries
    01
    Feb 2007
    6:29 PM EDT
       

    Feb 1 2007 At one time I had controll of the things in my life. I was happy, comfortable and content. Then something happened and someone changed their mind about something with me. Then after all that time and effort it all ended so quickly. Now it's been almosy a year and thing have changed I'm still lost and have not yet found my control again. My decisions are lost and out of focus, I can't seem to hold on to anything and don't know if I even know what I want other than one thing. This thing may be lost forever and there may not be anything I can do to fix this or change it and all maybe lost forever. If only I knew what to do when I should of done something. Just it's when things come at you so unexpectedly you just don't know what to do or say about it. You panic and freak and fuck things up and possibly worse than I even planned. First I had so much anger and didn'y know how to disperse of it. Thinkng that it would dissipate and vanish my mind and then I could go bcak it just grew. It grew because I became selfish and wanted more. not thinkng about the factors and trying to understand anyones positioning. I lost sight of what I really wanted for one point, only because I wanted irt in a more intense factor so quickly and right away. Looking for all the wrong things. I wanted him to show that He still needed me and he didn't he found someone else, this just feeding the growing anger that was already refusing to stop more and more everyday!! Soon it became that if I couldn't have exactly what I wanted then it moved on that I didn't want anything to do with him at all. So I pushed and pushed and became angered to the max, only as a coping mechanism to make myself feel better and have it easier on myslef not thinking about how he may feel about it. After that it was just a matter of blocking him from my mind completely only making myslef less in control and more and more of a fuck up because I am no longer myslef but ingoring mysels so I can ignore my emotions. Then a chance is asked to be given and instead of allowing I fought it in anger. Resenting the loss of his love not realizing that I was dumb and it was still there. Wanting nothing still because I couldn't have it all, be selfish and wanted only what I wanted and if that wasn't happening that I wanted nothing at all. So there I go again pushing and pushing applying intense anger in hopes once again that it would just make things easier on my behalf so I wouldn't feel the hurt I was block out of my hearrt and my mind.Then one more time a hope I destroy all over again, not showing the care and true empathy I feel. Asking finally the one thing I had feared and thought I was so sure about. Getting the answer that would make everything so much better and then once again because of the such surprise of what I heard I freaked and got lost in my emotions and thoughts blurting out what is yet again another defense and possibly destryong everything I had just wanted back in the first place. I just was confused because I thouhgt I was so sure and yet again I wasn't and then became upset with the fact that why? Why wouldn't you try to show something or to let me know. How could you really feel that way and not have tried to do anything more that what your were. Having me even more lost and out of control now. Now I can only make sure that all the anger is gone and realize that I can't expect so much so soon and how wrong I really was and should have given so much more.I see cleary and maybe I have gain some control at least about how I feel and what I can do to make thigns better if this isnt completly irreperable and utterly damaged. I guess I will have to learn to live what I have done. Just remebering the wonderfully sweet good things that are and always will be in my memories. well till next time be strong and fucking figure things out !!!
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