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Ah. >.< I cnt do this twice.. like seriously why does he make me so happy. No I cnt like him i seriously cant. I mean he's my ex's friend and its slutish of me to go around making his friends fall in love with� me.. ahh i wish he wuld just stop telling me he loves me but then idnt want him to stop. He makes me so happy & I need someone to make me feel loved & special.. I just feel so lonley and i need someone to love me.. and i think thats why i keep talking to sam.. Hes such an amazing guy & like ahh i just dnt know.. last time we tlked on the phone for like 4 or 5 hours. N theres just something about him.. <3 but waiit noo..! I'm not gonna like him..! I promise i wont..?? Ok?�

but theres a part of me that wants to give him a chance n then another part thats like whata hell..! u cnt date ur ex's friend.. its wrong..!! but ehh.. im not gonna fall for someone like my ex again.. :/ its just too much pain.. ughh.. why cant i just find someone who is serious about a relationship and actually means promises and actually cares and loves me� and doesnt hurt me and ugh..

But besides all this guy things everythings never been better.. Im So happy and i love it :] ahh i g2g.. ttyl<3

Hahahaha I�did and it was fantastic!!! nothing happened I swear! it was�just a lot of making out, talking, laughing and cudling....really great night.....

:)

i can't figure out why it is that he's now in charge and taken over everything ......� which he says is going to all work out....� yet i still feel the world crashing down around my ears....� i feel like the world is laughing at me cus im a huge freaking joke of a human being.� the baby came home for good today.� i wonder if i'm up to it..... though when the mood hits him he takes care of everything himself.� it's just that the mood comes and goes....� i've done nothing but sleep or cry all day.....� i guess now that its actually a normal time to sleep i'll take something to help and go to bed....

i can't figure out why it is that he's now in charge and taken over everything ......� which he says is going to all work out....� yet i still feel the world crashing down around my ears....� i feel like the world is laughing at me cus im a huge freaking joke of a human being.� the baby came home for good today.� i wonder if i'm up to it..... though when the mood hits him he takes care of everything himself.� it's just that the mood comes and goes....� i've done nothing but sleep or cry all day.....� i guess now that its actually a normal time to sleep i'll take something to help and go to bed....

today was ok. am notw in the sixth form and am slowing being crushed under the amount of homewokr that is given. i never actually thought that it would be such a step up from gcse years, but it so is. i still feel a bit, kinda blurgh, cos i havent really made anymore propoer close friends. i dont�know...

i have actually statred to count down the days untik half term, 2 weeks�to go! although there is one highlight beforehand- house music, which�i have managed to avoid for the last two, but it is actually really fun, we're doing the circle of life, from the�lion king, and it has really got us hyped up about next year, co sthen it will be my turn to order people around- mwah ha ha.�

went to lily's indulgence�tosay after school with emma and sahira, which was�good�as we havent been out after school fo rages, although we�talked a lot about school�which atilll annoyed me.�

have started�to plan my birthday party. cos�sahira is only 2 days after me we are going�to�have a joint party this year- yippie at her house so it should be a�lauh- fingers crossed x x x�

�today has been such a brillent day. and tommrow will be even better. we are going to the food festival in manchester agin. W are also going to �my in-laws �house which is in clifton england i call it riley mansion. It is so gorgeous there.They have a big garden. And there is a path that i walk down and visit the horses. They also have sheep. And the church we go to is also a favorite of mine. It is called st.john fischers. I think �it will be an exciting day. We plan on coming back on sunday. �I'am hoping that the weather will be really good.We take the bus. This time i am packing alot lighter then before as it is easier to carry that way.

�Last week we had a brillent party. there is alot of people in our family and about 20 of them were there.There was alot of terrific foods and it was so nice to visit.My sister in law also has a mini trampoline that she lets me use. �I have been on a weight loss program. I started doing belly dance for fun and excersize and lost from 165 american pounds to 126 in three months. That is from 12 stone in brittish weight to 9 stone in three months. and i am manageing to keep the weight off but latly i've been eating alot more so ill see if i can keep it off. �wish me luck!! i hope you have a brillent day take care