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As i cry,

the diamonds fall from the sky,

as i cry,

the willow's weep,

as i cry,

i fall to my feet,

i cry,

because you no longer need me.

As I cry,

you walk away,

as i cry,

the pain begins to dance my days away.

As I cry,

no one stops to see,

the heart,

that's been torn right up,

and out of me.

As I cry,

daddy,

you're little girl is scarred,

as i cry,

mommy,

you're little girl wishes,

that you were there.

Have an overwhelming sense of being a leaf drifting aimlessly about a pond ... no purpose ... no direction.  A few years shy of 50 and nothing to show materially or spiritually in the way of fruit for the thousands of hours of labor and effort.  Never thought in terms of whether or not my life would leave a mark but feeling more and more often the utter meaninglessness of my existence.  Cannot point to a soul changed by my influence towards being used of God nor can I point to the far less important success in the esteem of men or the accumulation of wealth.  Friends are few, distant and seen at best once a year.  I still struggle day to day, and fail, just to manage to pay the bills.  My home is not even maximized for what it is but rather is a mess, an eye sore, an embarassment.  Worthless seems to be a word which describes and encompasses all that I am and do and possess.  I marvel each day that God even allows me to waste the air I breathe.  Many years back I made a conscious choice to ask that when my life reached a point at which it was without positive value that in mercy He would take me home.  Seeing, through my eyes at least, virtually no positive impact on anyone or anything I wonder if there is something I do not see or if there is some tremendous reversal of this misfortune yet to come for which I am being preserved.  All too often I echo those words of Solomon's despair "all is vanity and vexation of spirit".