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I just don't understand how people can just assume that they will know how they feel in the future about something, someone or anything for that matter. How do we know ? Yor emotions and values can change especially if you are an undecisssive person. Peopl go on beleieve that sometime from now there friends will always be there friends. That one day something might happen and their not your friend or that the one you care about it always going to be that somebody in their heart when sometime down the road it could likely change. For some people this may occure faster some others may take more time on how theri feelings change. Although you may not change your mind frequently if ther people around you change the opinion and impressions change of that person to in alot of cases. This causing you to change how you feel about something or someone. we need to just sit back relize that nothing is for sure and just hope for the best by merely trying our best. Enjoy what we have and appreciate it good things never last !!

ughhh.... i'm soooo confused right now. for some reason i keep thinking about drew. even tho i like never talk to him anymore i just cant stop. but then there is brandon who i do really like, and he really likes me or at least he says.but he is 19. i know age is nothin but a number but i mean he is 19 he can do so much more. i'm still in school will be for awhile. we will never see each other. and were 5 years apart. it would be better if it was drew i really liked and and if he really liked me cause he is 15. but its whatever. i'm not going to try to make anything happen. i'm jut going to let things happen. its prolly way better that way. i just am really confused and i dont know what to do at all. :(:(:(:(:(

Hello my name is Polina and i guess i decided to folloe throught this thing two years later hahaha i love that every time i check my email there would be new messages every day replying back to my little journall and at first i ignored them but then i started to read the responses and they actually were pretty amazing i almost thought it was a computer writing them! i hope not� at least! Well from 2005 alot has happened i matured alot and i think i actually found my self alot of people tell me i am way to mature for my age but barerly thew people actually know my age since i was born in europe i dont like the states very much they say its a free country but i think its anything but free basically all my friends in europe dont have curfews drinking limits or ids and they are all perfrctly fine and here in the states my friends have all that and they very drunk and stuoid all the time i guess its called a sense of rebelleiust liosm and i used to be like that and i actually changed at a very young age where most people start! and i am very proud of my self!Lets�go back acouple of years when i first posted thid thing i was all about fitting in being popular and shit like that and guess what its not the best thing for you my fresh men year i hated so i transfered into independant studies and out� of nowhere i got all these friends that people in my grade looked up to and they all wanted to be my friends and guess what the people that i used to be wanting to be friends with so bad dint even matter any� more i just loved the friends that i had at the moment but more than half of them became back stabbers all the sudden i realized what it was like to have alot of friends in the states and it was not a good experience!

People are just soo jealouse and i always had to step down let my girl friends have the guy� so there wont be any tention! Now my best friends name is steven and i love to hang� out with him i guess i became thats oc party girl but im more that just that and sometime my friends wonder why i hang out with steven and honestly its because i am sooo sick of o.c�califronia i love right by the beach a block away i have all the friends i ever wanted i get invited to alot of parties and now i barerly go to any of them orange county is fake most of my friends are fake i want to go back to europe i can not stand haning aroung people my age they are wayy to immature and i cant satnd going to stupid parties where every one lives of denial of the future and just parties and does drugs maybe thats why i have a fake or maybe its because where i was born and i thought my self at a very young age how to be responsible

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It's been a little but since the last that I've written. Life is a lot easier right now. I guess that Christy and I are back together for now. I know that it's the wrong thing for me to still be with her, but I am so addicted to her. And yes a little in love too.

She wants to keep sleeping with other people, but be with me. That's going to be hard to get used too. I am always wondering who she is with when I am not around. It's not as bad as not being with her, but it's still pretty hard.

It's only a matter of time before she leaves again, so I had better have fun while I can.