Has anyone ever just thought of how fucking sad it is that everyone has hopes and dreams of traveling and just�being happy...
And all they need is money. the money.
people blow money every-fuckin-day and don't give a rats ass.
how is that even remotly fair? all those people who just wanna be happy...
it's ridiculous and sad.
On a lighter note:
Life blows.
Thanks for listening dumbfucks.
today is like any other day here, its cold and Iam expieriencing S.A.D. right now. I have to escape this place, need a change of scenery fo real. Talk to my mother and she got it rite this time , about sabatoge. This how I operated in the not so distance past any time I felt like I could fall in love or my feeling were getting deep I would cut off a relationship with someone. Not a good habit, so Iam trying very concertedly to� change this. It is quiet around here, kids are at school despite our weather being in the single digits. My sister was/is supposed 2 show up and help me do some domestic stuff. Appears she is a no show, then again I should not be suprised.
Trying to keep my mind off of "him", attempted to write a poem but cant find it. Thought I saved it in my email as a draft its not there. Have to start from memory all over again. Going 2 take a power nap I need it.
Chris and I just had a big fight over money. His buzz words that I interpret as blame..."your mother's flooding our basement" "your mother cost us over $10K" "I told you to put a brake on her expenses, that we would not get repaid"
All is true, but looking backwward, I need to focus on the future. I need hope. And a forward looking plan.
January 16, 2009
JUST ABOUT THE DAY
�� Well today was an okay day. We had people come to our school and talk about what engineering was. And I think I could really benefit from that. I think I would like chemical engineering. I'm really going to think about pursuing this as a career. I've been running after school so I canbe read for track, but I just couldn't today. I was way to sore.
�� It was pretty cold today. Around 20 degrees. That is really cold for Alabama. I HATE the winter time. I'm already cold all the time, and the winter just makes me colder. I just wish I was on the beach soaking up the sun. Man I can't wait until summer-time. I love going to my friends house down the street and just jumping in the pool with her. With all of our clothes on. It makes me feel worry-free.
Well, it is Friday night and I'm stuck at home once again. Nights like this make me regret the choices I've made. Maybe if I wouldn't have lied and snuck around behind their back, I could actually be somewhere right now. I just wish I could go back in time, and stayed at her house like I was supposed to. Like my parents thought we were doing. I never did any drugs, drank any alcohol, or had sex that night. I just wasn't where I was supposed to�be.�� *sigh*� "If Only, If Only" I told myself to stop thinking about what could be or could've been. I really wish I could though.
� Well this entry turned into something a little to personal... But I won't delete anything. It doesn't seem right...
-Karmen
so far so good .. meaning this time I'm taking it slower and with more purpose my weight problem .. instead of looking at the whole on how much I want to lose ...I'm trying to see if I look at it as im smaller goals that I can reach ... every little bit will add up and then maybe I have a better chance to get to where I want to be.. its funny , to me that when I look at myself I don't see much of a problem .. but I guess I have been fooling myself .. so I guess this year is a bit of more of self awareness for me .. taking it slow ... walking a little bit a day and cutting back on bad food .. since its the first week and I haven't given up on myself .. so far so good ...I'm still trying to keep up on the time I spend to write a little so I can keep thinking about what I have to get done so I won't talk myself into not doing anything .. my middle that so many people ask me if im pregnant is my biggest problem .. buying clothing is the next women pants are too tight ... so I moved to men jeans ... but the only thing good about those is that they fit around my waist but aren't very figure flattering to a womans figure .. so i keep trying ... I like buying myself clothing a pretty blouse so im not too frumpy ... help some but my big front make it hard to buy what I really want to wear .. if its too tight I look too fat .. and too lose I look too fat .. the middle is where it's hard to get right ... I'm still shopping and smiling I know im not the only one so its not a total disaster so I'm still cool.... C-Ya
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kapowkristen 31, Female, Kansas, USA - 11 entries
Karma15 31, Female, Alabama, USA - 3 entries
