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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Oct 2006
1:18 PM MST

another day! Thank you God, I made it through, not quite sure how, after how it started out! I hit something on the way to work (something blew out in front of me or something!) anyway, got a nice hole in my passenger side, front tire! SO , I dropped J off at school and headed back into town and went straight to COOP, I made it before I was driving on the rim! Got back to work but had to take an hour off! AGH! Then I picked J up from school, took him to Janes, went to the dentist, got my teeth cleaned! and then I picked the boys up and went to the REC, (*REC daycare open from 4:30-8:00pm!) I only did 10 min. on the treadmill, I am so OUT OF shape because I don't have TIME! but oh well, still making time to lift and it SHOWS! I am pretty proud of how I look! WOOHOO! Wish D could see me now, wonder if he'd be proud! I MISS HIM! THEN by the time we got out of the REC we were all starving so I went through BK drive thru and got dinner! AGH! Oh well, quick and easy. What a busy day! I was actually gone from the house over 11 hours! Poor Sadies! She seems like she is doing okay but I feel like I have to prepare myself for her to kick the bucket, possibly any day! TIRED, sore and grouchy, gotta get to bed, don't know if I will call CN... don't really want to but feel like I should!

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NITA 61, Female, Wyoming, USA - First entry!

Oct 2006
12:05 AM MST

HEY STEVE, ARE YOU GOING TO POST A JOURNAL OR NOT? MOM SAID YOU WANTED US TO COME TO THIS SITE TO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU. LET US KNOW SOMETHING!!!!!!!! YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU VERY MUCH. BE CAREFUL AND TAKE CARE.

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bettyboxedin 35, Female, Canada - 24 entries

Oct 2006
11:23 AM CST

I got a hold of my boyfriend finally!! I am waiting for him to come on msn so he can tell me were he went dissapering to. he was missing for a week andnobody knows where he went. i am working on a novel i want to publish and it is coming along good. i have that and a few other novels i want to publish and some plays i have written. my life is soooooooo boring!!! i will tell you about how i hate every kid at my exhighschool and how NONE OF THEM GIVE A SHIT!!! I was taken out of school put in a mental instatution and nobody even bothered to call me. everyone is afraid or ashamed. WHY THE HELL ARE THEY ASHAMED!!! if i show the cuts on my arms everyone gets embaressed but the cuts are on my arms not theirs and i am not embaressed i am not trying top hide the past that built me to be the person i am today. THEY CAN ALL F*ck themselves for all icare i am sick of eveyone feeling embaressed. thank you for listening and now if you are one of those who judge and sh*t maybe you will think twice. Oh ya and emo jokes and calling someone emo cus they use to slit their wrists NOT FUNNY! not everyone who slit their wrists is emo. and emo kids are kids with mental health issues so if it is okay now to make fun of kids with dissabilities i guess it is okay to go out and laugh at parapaligics or kids with cyrebal palsy. WEll what is so funny about that? my cousin has cerybal palsy and i don't laugh at him cus he has a dissability. SO WHY R PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES FUNNY TO MAKE FUN OF? i feel you may not agree mental illnesses are worse than any physical illness. what ever your opinion having Schitzophrenia, manic depression, anorexia, bulimia, social anxiety, seperation anxiety is like living in hell i am suprised i am still alive i should have killed my self long ago

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SallysSilentMurders 35, Female, Louisiana, USA - 17 entries

Oct 2006
1:03 PM EDT

Farewell tore me apart time and time again. ripped me to shreds. just I stand here. watching you walk away. far beyond me, I can't see the light. cause it's gone out in my world. but don't worry. I'll be ok. I just have to say. That today's the day, I go crazy. Today's the day, I'm going to loose my mind. I'll loose control, and let the tears roll down. as they flood down, my cheeks, I'll say goodbye to you. I don't want to go. But I don't want to hurt. so this has to be, my last farewell. so farewell I love you still. so much that it hurts me. but it hurts me more staying here. standing here watching you. cause you keep walking, away from me. leaving me standing by myself. in the rain crying. I can not sleep at night. I just stay up, and cry but not anymore. this will be my final goodbye. I love you I've said. Now I must leave. But before I go. I want you to know. I'll never forget you. you're the one I'll, always remember inside of my heart. you'll stay forever. apart of me. by:Sally

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bettyboxedin 35, Female, Canada - 24 entries

Oct 2006
9:15 PM CEST

I went to my therapist today...unfortanitly she suspects now that i have stopped taking my meds six days ago i am showing not just your old fashioned depression but manic depression. my doctors keep makeing so many mistakes. like six months ago i was written up not schitzophrenic and went untreated for months. IT WAS HORRIBLE. They still say i am not Schitzo but i have all the symptoms so i am filed as possible schitzo. Are there any good doctors left? At least not in this town. not one good doctor. I had this doctor who was horrible a man who was like satan, first was an angel of god who wanted to be god but couldn't so now he is like the devil. ruining everyones life taking pleasure in making his patients suffer. There have been many complaints against him and my therapist suggested i go to a hospital where that doctor doesn't have any rights at. Still haven't seen my boyfriend:( It really sucks there is no one at his house because the cab went to pick him up and no one was home. No one is answering the phone and he is never on msn. I had these horrible night mares about him and he was in my old room at the hospital and he was laying there hooked up in all these tubes and he was dead. the life support just shut off. i fall to my knees in the dream my hands on his and my head on my hands crying uncontrolably. i don't know what i would do if i loose him i love him with my heart and soul he is my best friend. My first love died and i can't go through that again. Things are just not going right today.

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1 comment(s) - 07:11 AM - 10/17/2006

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xyzz 33, Female, California, USA - 2 entries

Oct 2006
11:59 PM N

Hello everyone this is my new private journal

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1 comment(s) - 02:24 PM - 10/17/2006

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llarson 59, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries

Oct 2006
6:31 PM MDT

today was exceptionally bad, thought I lost two very important people in my life. I am not really sure why life is so difficult. I keep hearing about karma and how you do unto others and good will come back to you. There are those people like us who give and give, when is this big return? I know people who take and take and still walk on a bed of roses. Makes me sad to think about it. On top of it all, seems like every person I know is cheating on their respective other. In this world today no one values friendships or relationships. Breaks my heart to know that our kids have to grow up in this fucked up world.

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sublettt30 70, Female, Texas, USA - 66 entries

Oct 2006
8:11 PM EDT

Oh today we finally got some cool rain. I like the rain clouds and the wetness. We had no rain in this boring town since spring. All summer long it was dry. Now the fall can bring a new season of fresh air. So much for my 12hr work day.

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ladybug20 39, Female, Canada - 9 entries

Oct 2006
2:45 PM PST

Heres the rundown ...the guy I was seeing, who was one of my best guy friends, and I are no longer friends. I know it was the best thing to do ...things were just getting too complicated and I was tired of playing his games. I think he is too confused for his own good, and im tired of trying to help. I am tired of the stress being caused by him ...im tired of waiting. I no longer want to date anyone or ever think about a relationship for a very very long time. Men are nothing but trouble ...oh I'm sorry ...BOYS are nothing but trouble. What are women to men? Play things? I hate to sound so harsh, but there are so many bad ones (aka assholes) that we take it out on the good ones. Anyways I just got home from Langley ...I gotta finish some things up before I go to bed ...no sleeping in or hitting the snooze button in the morning ...gotta pick up my manager for work, lol. G'night ...

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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Oct 2006
2:30 PM MST

HUMMMM, what a day, Last night (24 hrs ago) I went to the these websites, Loveadvice and askmen.com and it was men giving men advice about woman. The repeated message was woman need their interest level to be above 51% or they are going, going, gone~! and how men need to quit being "whipus americanus!" and stop pressuring, all that does is push em away. I even sent CN a link to one, that was at least nice and not so blunt. Do you think he went there? NO! I am really losing interest FAST! I'd say my interest level is down to 25%! I wasn't going to call him, and he called me, interupting my show I am trying to get into! AGH! BUT, I talked to him and it was fine until we went to hang up and it was like I wanted to say, "well, have a nice week, or have a nice month!" I'm just not into him right now, not at all! BUT, who knows, maybe that will change tomorrow! As up and down as I have been its hard to say. Work was fine, boys were fine, but just didn't listen very well, but that's nothing new! Took Jett to counseling, tried to get my counseling bills figured out. they are over $600.00 Went for a walk since I didn't get to workout, and won't tomorrow either since I have a dentist appt! I will only get to work out Wed. and so maybe I need to find an alternative for these days, like taking the boys with to the REC later in the evening! Gotta do something! I gotta have my workouts! Evonna called (D's cousin) and still wants to take me out to dinner for a late birthday dinner, probably with andrea too! Will be good to see them, I've always trusted them and enjoy sharing my heart with them, they are a safe, non-judgemental place for me to talk! LOVE them! Hopefully Stacey T and I can make it out to dinner WED. she is just too busy! I feel like I don't want to bother her anymore, her life is too busy for me I don't want to cause problems, I know her hubby is frustrated when she wants to go out because they are just too busy, I think they are probably over commited and don't prioritize.... I guess I think I should be on the top of everyones priority list! BUT I KNOW for a fact (the way the phone hardly ever rings)that I am not even close to the top,,, and not just of Stacey's list but everyone else who is "my friend" OH well, they have a life to lead and it wasn't their husband who died! Well, O puked in the toybox at daycare today, she called me but I said he probably won't do it again, and he DIDN'T! and he peed his pants! That was sad, he hasn't had an accident in probably 3-5 weeks and he has been waking up dry! I am about ready to take him out of pull-ups,,, NOW J on the other hand is wetting the bed almost every night! Wish he could get it figured out! I am sure the Stress of being daddyless isn't helping though! Well I am hungry and tired, and missing my Buzz! I need to go pray to God to give me strength to get through another day!

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