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sunkissed 55, Female, Oklahoma, USA - 2 entries

Oct 2006
8:30 PM CST

10/21/06 Divorce, not so much that but being alone and maybe he is right, no one would ever want me. Having to support 2 kids in the way we are used to living and having to do without the things we want, not need but want. Being belittled to the point that you start to believe that maybe you are worthless and stupid. Being told that I may be pretty but no one would ever want me for me......I mean what if.

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crazynluv 38, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 4 entries

Oct 2006
9:24 PM EDT

Never try to hold on to something that isn't there.

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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Oct 2006
6:21 AM MST

Doesn't seem like it has been since Tues. that I last wrote! Been busy and not a whole lot to "vent" about. Lets see, CN and I are talking every night, but NOT saying 143. I am trying to "just be friends" and he is very upset about not getting to see us and wants everything back to normal. It sounds like he's started venting to his friends and they don't sound too pleased with me but oh well,,, don't really care what they think. He will probably come over for church and an afternoon with ME. mom P might come watch the boys. I have been pretty emotional. I keep thinking and replaying the day DB died... and how rude I was to him on the phone right before he died and how I'd give anything (except my boys' lives) to back up and be given a second chance to say "I LOVE YOU" I am hurting so bad, and miss him so bad! I've been crying a lot more and just want to be "healed" and "better" and "over it" but I Know it doesn't work that way! POOF, wish I had a magic wand! Found out about his life insurance (private entry). I am VERY emotional about that all right now. We didn't go to FT collins,,, will go next weekend when the weather is better, it has been snowy, blowy and cold! SO, I am glad I got to go to the Christian woman's fellowship thing at GBC... it was really fun and nice to "get away" but I almost cried like 5 times. Last night I talked to Jill for an hour and half and that was great! It might seem like she isn't "there for me" but she is,,, just a phone call away, hey what are best friends for!? and she is just that! I am so grateful for my friends! What a blessing, it just sucks that I have to swallow my pride and call them first but when I do they are always "there for me" Not getting much sleep, I talked to CN last night until 12:20 and then O woke me up at 6:20 and I never really got to go back to sleep after that! OH, my knees are hurting me,,, I don't want to have to go in but I know i need to have them looked at, they are just getting worse, specially my left!

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Queenie 38, Female, Ohio, USA - 29 entries

Oct 2006
9:08 AM EDT

I'm afraid of failing . I'm afraid of failing because , I have so many people to disapoint. I know it's the dumbest fear but it's true. I don't like to see the disapointment upon my familys face. Especially when they start out so proud of me . I'm scared of being alone. Mainly because Iwant to have someone there with me all the way. It's better to have someone by your side then you walking alone in the dark.

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1 comment(s) - 04:37 PM - 10/25/2006

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bl69 33, Female, Texas, USA - 32 entries

Oct 2006
5:51 AM CDT

hey guess what?? our neighbor found our puppy! yay! super duper..well i am supposed to be typin but im just chillen listenin to matt's mp3 player. yeaa..tonight should be fun! hell yea its friday and theres a football game but i havent figured out yet if im goin but i got a ticket just in case but i think i am gonna chill with joey tonight. haha..well gotsta go deuces!

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jleigh09 38, Female, United Kingdom - 35 entries

Oct 2006
10:16 PM WEDT

not much happening lately really am missing steven alot while he at work cant ait till we live togeather he said he will never walk out on me again an get drunk he has never done it before but since working ina restaurant/bar he has a couple of drink most nights he never used to drink at all it doesnt bother me much as it with his work colleagues but if he ever walk out on me and tyler again and gets drunk i dunno if i will be so easy on him again. he worried me so much and iy scared me in away he nevr done it b4 but he been ok since and cheerful said he missing me a tyler bless. sometimes i think i give in to much on him and give in to easy i do anything for him when we argue i always apologise first.i would give him the world if i could.

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1 comment(s) - 10:21 PM - 10/22/2006

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Atrio3851 35, Female, Ohio, USA - 4 entries

Oct 2006
4:05 AM EDT

well I'm sitting in my computer class, and it so boring, so I thought that i would post. My boyfriends done being an idiot! Homecoming is tommorow, I am so stressed out, I'm tired and run down the last few days have been a rollar coaster and a half. Actually my love goes out to all the people who some people just dont get, and they often feel alone. I hate that so many people dont understnad what bipolar means, or depression, or OCD. And tring to make them understand makes things a lot harder! But thanks all for ur comments, they help me get through the day

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1 comment(s) - 09:37 PM - 11/10/2006

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99tracy99 41, Female, Hong Kong SAR - 33 entries

Oct 2006
3:55 AM AWST

慘~~ 講錯睇怕要收番拿~~~ 我認我會咁講不過我唔敢包個result 會點

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bettyboxedin 35, Female, Canada - 24 entries

Oct 2006
11:30 AM CST

I AM SOO PISSED OFF! i am sitting here on a friday night all alone! ditched once again by my boyfriend, no one is on msn, i live a thousand miles from anywhere, my dad is hogging the tv, the pastor of my church is an asshole, by "bestfriend" is a caniving little bitch i cant trust any one! i am sick of friends they are no good there is no such thing as a real friend ship is there? i have never had a real friendship in my life! everyone who claims to be my friend just screws me over in the end! (no offence to my inbox journal friends i don't know you so i can't ssay the same for you this is only for the everyday assholes in my life)i am gonna go break something or just write an angry letter to the pastor of the church telling him what an asshole he is. GOODNIGHT

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Queenie 38, Female, Ohio, USA - 29 entries

Oct 2006
10:47 AM EDT

Today is a wierd day. I don't know what to think about it . I am getting a little bad and good with it . The man that I am spending my life with is almost perfect in all ways . I seriousley don't know how to handle it . I have tried to be confedent and trust him. Yet I have been hurt so many times . SO that brings in the jelouse factor . I don't know how to react to him. How can I trust him.? How can I just forget my past and not hurt myself in the proses . Someone help me please . I don't know what to do

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