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lex 43, Female, California, USA - 137 entries

Oct 2010
12:32 PM PST

Moving forward into the holidays

Soooo last week I went to see Kirby in person just to apologize and I just made things worse by throwing salt in the wound but I haven't cried since and feel much much better. Seeing him in person really sealed the deal for me that I made the correct decision to end things. You know what they always say people show you why you are breaking up with them when you are breaking up with them. So he has lots of questions has sent me a few emails but I have decided to just not respond. He will move on eventually and so will I.

On another note I love this time of year the air just smells amazing and I love how it leads into the holidays :) Took a walk today it was so pleasant to see everyone's decorations and all the little kids running around in their costumes. So warming it just makes me feel good makes me feel happy to be in the place where I am right now.

Started going back to the gym trying to get back to feeling happy and healthy. I feel a lot more confident now that my relationship is over trying to move on and grow and become the person I want to become. more interesting, more vibrant, more enjoyable, more I don't know more than I am I guess. Feel like I'm finally comeing out of the relationship fog and setteling back into singledom.

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burqunde 34, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 26 entries

Oct 2010
7:13 PM EDT

my babe and i got married online today and now everything is not even close to wat we expected it to be. we barely spend time together, sometimes i just think the whole marriage thing was a big mistake that can't be fixed. man my heart is broken rite now.

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Sportygirl15 32, Female, Michigan, USA - 119 entries

Oct 2010
5:53 AM EDT

My inboxjournal isnt working... im pissed!

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iamunwritten 28, Female, Philippines - First entry!

Oct 2010
4:37 PM AWST

Dream.

Its 25th of October.�
and I woke up with a memory of magic. :)

It seemed that I was a Charlie's Angel. With my co-angels, Pauleena and Pearl. They were both my best friends which were lost and gone by distance.
Our mission is to free a Fire nation prisoner. My bestie, Abigail. Im with Pearl, so we have to fetch Pauleena from where she is. Boss told us she was at the GSCS building. We an to the school and found her with her SPHS friends, and as usual Pearl got jealous. (happens in real life) then we jumped out in the corridor from the 3rd floor and I just noticed that we were at earth kingdom. We were negotiating with the Fire general and pretended Abigail has been sick. So we told him we'd buy food and medicine for her, we expected he'd leave the place and leave those two Fire benders to secure the prisoner. We were rushed and thought they (the two fire benders) will kill Abby immediately. We rushed and ran thought the vendors of fruits, papers, I didn't knew why did I bought those index cards. Haha. Weird. Then we went back but got fooled by our instincts. The General was still there watching after Abigail then we pretended that everything's okay. We turned back and asked "Charlie" (the man behind our wireless micro earphones and mic) what to do. then we just snagged Abby away from the firebenders, carrying her, we jumped over buildings and got her home safely.. We talked and talked with our boss in the earphones. Then Pauleena was fetched by her Dad at the car and left us again. (sighs). Pearl and I just decided to buy some pizza. I asked her to call boss to buy some pizza for us but he's not answering.. we called again and he asked us what extra topping does he want. then a light flashed!�
Unluckily, I woke up,.

Too bad for the pizza. :(

�

Tags: Bestfriends, Dreams, October 25

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sigay 38, Female, Philippines - 25 entries

Oct 2010
7:13 PM PST

Fear

What am I afraid of? I fear what I don't know because I may not be able to act against that fear and suffer whatever grave consequence it might bring me. I am afraid of relationships, because it is a commitment, and I might not be able to sustain that commitment, lose patience, and lose the relationship altogether. I am afraid of intimacy, because it would be heart-breaking to be hurt by bringing foul to knowing what I am, my body, my soul and my flesh. I fear love, because it means that I have to take responsibility in taking care of that person, which I am not prepared to do right now. I am selfish, I admit. It is my way of preserving myself. Maybe in time, when I am more mature enough to do these things, then will I have no fear of these.

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1 comment(s) - 05:50 PM - 11/01/2010

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supercute1 37, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 15 entries

Oct 2010
5:02 PM EDT

I Found Me in the Middle of Everyone Else

Running to a dry fountain was not helping the fact I was thirsty. My thinking was wrong and I had no idea how to make it right. I also had no idea who would be around to help me. Thoughts of hopelessness and helplessness were playing in my head�like a broken record (replaying over and over again and again). I also had no idea who would be around to help me. I needed help but didn't know where to find it. All this thinking was consuming me. It was literally taking over my life.

I was in college and built a road to success. Within a month that bridge was torn down with a big mess. I know I was doing the right thing. I just don't know why I was putting so much pressure on myself. My doctor told me that I over analyze things. My family told me the same thing. But in all honesty, I was confused about everything happening around me. Talking to my doctor was the best route to take because that was where I found help. I learned how to take care of myself first. I learned that in order to love and care for anyone else I have to love and care for myself. Also, I learned that a happy life comes with the balance of work, leisure and sleep.

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lex 43, Female, California, USA - 137 entries

Oct 2010
12:32 PM PST

wow what a couple of months

It has been a while and I have to apoligize so much going on and I really should be journaling more would def help keep my thoughts in check.

So I broke up with Kirby last week......It kind of came out of no where and it kind of didn't . He is wonderful truly a great guy but just not the guy for me. We kept having these talks about me being more open him needing more from me more support more affection and I just tried to tell him I'm not like that but I would try to make it better and work on it all and i did I became more open and tried not to hold back to speak up more when things botthered me and I did well he even agreed but then last week he was quite and not really making contact so i went to a music fest and gave him some space apparently that is the wrong thing and got an email refering to his once again unhappiness with our "connection" and I was just fired up and threw up my hands I don't know what he wants he wants someone who isn't me is what I have figured out.� There were a few other factors but that was the main one.

So i broke it off and told him we needed to date different people and it wasnt fair to ask each other to be different to fit into what each other needed cause to me that should be natural we shouldn't be having these conversations in the first place. Truthfully I knew from the beging he wasn't for me but he was just so nice and attentive and not bad to look at I might add very adorable but in the end not the one for me. I tried I really did. I cried cried cried spent all day in bed on Friday sobbing it really hurts eventhough I know I made the right decision for me it doesn't make it hurt any less. Everyone seems to be backing me which is great to have my girlfriends behind me. I mean I seriously could have prob dated him for a few more months had a great time but know that it was never going to turn� into love cause i just don't have those feelings for him eventhough on paper i should be in reality i don't. so i bit the bullet and ended it now it hurts but better now than a year from now and I don't want to waste his time or mine turthfully if i know now that this isn't going to work might as well end it not fair to either of us.

I learned a lot in the six months we were together one, that I should be open and honest from day one no wasting anytime no trying to be perfect all the time no saying what i don't mean no trying to be who i think the other person wants me to be. two, listening to my intuition right off the bat that is a big one. three, really listening to myself and the people who know me.

So now back to working on myself starting this photo business and getting back to the gym seriously all i've had for the past five days is grilled cheese and cookies.........it's gonna be a slow recovery but i know deep in my heart i did the right thing for me. This relationship stuff is tough! it can really hurt sometimes but it can be really good sometimes too :)
�

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supercute1 37, Female, Rhode Island, USA - 15 entries

Oct 2010
4:21 PM EDT

Upset and hurt

I have another account with this sight. My username is: redshotlizard
Minutes ago I�tried logging into my old account and could not. I tried over and over again and again. Anyone that writes understands how upsetting it is to lose matterial they thought of and wrote on their own. I want whoever is out there that hacked into my accountto know�it is�pointless, it is�hurtful and it is selfish.��I'm just glad my most recent entry�was saved.�I am going to re-enter it.

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2 comment(s) - 10:37 AM - 11/05/2010

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kate 57, Female, United Kingdom - 11 entries

Oct 2010
8:58 PM GMT

AH&B on Thursday. They were very attentive to me. Very nice. And then I picked up my dress in Debenhams. I simply love it - it is gorgeous. Yesterday I had an all over waxing, which was not very painful. I think lots of women are just that bit wimpy - how they ever give birth, I don't know. How can they think waxing is painful when they've known vagina-splitting agony?

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whoami? 40, Female, Nebraska, USA - 60 entries

Oct 2010
6:24 AM CST

Fast to find the slow

Fast: Only three of the fifteen definitions for this word have something to do with abstaining from food or certain foods. The others all�have to do with quick movement, hurrying, rapid tempo, etc.

Interesting that we, or at least I, find it necessary to "fast" in order to slow down because the pace of my life is far too fast.�My struggle lies in the need or desire to slow down, but my flesh fights me and tells me that food is what I need rather than rest. So rather than slowing down, I eat in haste, I eat...fast. This in turn causes more anxiety and stress and makes me feel like life is moving even faster than before. So this is where the "fast" falls into line. It puts life back into perspective. It reminds me who's is charge here, not me. God. God is in charge here. His pace is so different than ours. Time is in his hands. He created the world, he sustains the world, and he'll be the one to end the world as it is, and begin new life eternally with all his family.

So why do we let the world today dictate how we live our lives? Why do we let others set�our pace? Because that pace is entirely too fast and I'd rather let God be in charge and listen to him when he tells me to enter into his rest, to slow down, reorganize my priorities, and just praise him. Praise him with every move I make and�every breath I take.

Today I'm fasting. It's a fast to find the slow. Not to find the lazy, not to find the excuse to do nothing, but to find Jesus in the midst of this chaotic life. To find Him so I can reflect him and stop following the ways of my flesh. To find Him so I can live Him, so I can be Christ to a lost, crazy, busy, lonely world.

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