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        morninglaurie  71, Female, Indiana, USA - 9 entries
    13
    Sep 2010
    12:05 PM EDT
       

    Sept 13th 2010

    Ok it’s been almost two months….I put my faith and hopes in Jesus Christ. I came to San Diego with anticipation, excitement and joy at living here with my kids and grandkids, friends and beloved job. I got an apartment with son to help him out and then …..flop…..it all hit the fan. I have no job and my options are quickly diminishing. I asked Bob if there was any way I could go back to Indiana but he said no! What is the purpose of this? I trusted God to meet my needs and nothing…..I have almost no choice but to give up and just sit here. That’s next on my agenda. Sadly…do I continue with my part or just not worry about my part….I think I will continue with my part and still have a mustard seed of hope.
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        girlgal101  31, Female, Canada - 3 entries
    12
    Sep 2010
    7:52 AM EDT
       

    Why cant i be just like everyone else i do wish more people liked me and i got hotter guys. i am okay i not that high up in high school i have the same old firends since grade nine well for the most part i have the same old friends from grade 9 some move some made better firends. i just know that one day i am going to breack from all the drama the frist week of school and drama drama already wtf i wish there were a school that had no fucking drama ya right that would just never happened really?? high school is the time of your life i see all the other girls going to partys having good boyfriends getting high drank. do bad things which they talk about in class and i have nothing to say nothing to be like ya that party was great i neven even been to a part i wish i had. i wish that more people liked me and life was easyer to have to do. i dont have every many friends and one of my friends are going to a different school this year which is bad what am i going to do with out her. she sick of all the drama but i try to tell her thats theres always drama in every school that you go to. which is up to her
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        girlgal101  31, Female, Canada - 3 entries
    12
    Sep 2010
    7:28 AM EDT
       

    Meee

    So here i am, i though of getting a online journal because well my mother reads mine. and i got a laptop and i lock it so she cant find out about my life. i do tell her what she needs to know but to read what i write and for no one else to know thats something else so i though there got to be something on the web. and i know that i might bee a bitch lol wow because i dont want to tell my mom everything. its just when i do try to tell her things she gets mad and she like ohh you can tell me anything, i dont know what is wrong with me like i can talk to other people about whats going on but i cant talk to my mom. idk whats wrong with me like wish i could but there are some things i just dont want to talk to her about. and the wrast of all is that she tells people she tells my aunts like really if i wanted them to know i would have told them. i just kinda wish thats she was a cool mom i am not even going to get started about when i go to my friends houses i have to call her and talk to her for like five mins and its dumppp and i hate it. so i stop going to my friends houses all together and she wonders why. or why i dont like to have friends over. i guess maybe b/c i went to my friend house and stay over there and she did not really know her and my brother told my mom that she does drugs and that was the end of that so i guess that on reason but none of my other friends does drugs. and shit like really
    idk my mom is just got mad with me she never did that with my brother like wtf??
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        monkey10  25, Female, Nevada, USA - 9 entries
    10
    Sep 2010
    5:12 PM EDT
       

    Heyyyyy it's monkey10 got big soccer game manyana (tomorrow)srry dono if spelled that right
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        auxilary25  40, Female, California, USA - 32 entries
    10
    Sep 2010
    4:40 AM EDT
       

    Back to Sqaure One

    After everything we had overcome we're now back to not speaking to eachother. The court was on Wednesday and the only way I could get get the judge to understand why I don’t feel comfortable with time taking the baby is by saying everything that happened including him kicking the dog. Contrary to his belief I didn’t say these things to be vindictive and screw him. I did it because I want him to get help and realize that abuse is not fine even if it’s just with a dog at first. You get used to the idea of hitting something when you get mad that’s defenseless and perhaps one day you cross that line with a loved one.
    �
    I’m sad because the judge ordered us to communicate. We have parenting classes we need to attend together and a DRs visit to discuss the formulas she needs to drink and the changes that will take place if the court approves unsupervised visitations. He’s supposed to visit her every day, I sent him a text asking him to coordinate with me that I’ll back off and give him space to be with her alone either in her room or the room downstairs but he didn’t respond.
    He kept texting me the day before how much he loved me & missed me. He wouldn’t walk out on us but now because he didn’t get his way in court he’s going to have a temper tantrum and stop talking to me? I get it; I ended things the day before and told him how much better my life is when I do not love him. This is because every time I open up to him I find out he’s lying somehow and it tortures me because then I jump to the conclusion that everything he says is a lie.
    I really don’t know what else to do at this point because we have a daughter together. I didn’t MAKE him do those things. I didn’t force him to kick the dog, I didn’t force him to drive fast, park, and get off leaving me in the car…so why get mad @ me for saying the truth??? Doesn’t he realize that at least I’m not inventing these things??
    I’m leaving it in Gods hands. We’ll see if he eventually comes around like before.
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        auxilary25  40, Female, California, USA - 32 entries
    10
    Sep 2010
    3:01 PM EDT
       

    Disappointment

    I'm disappointed in you. I really believed you changed and cared about us. I thought u wanted to be a father and a part of her life regardless of us being together. I believed in you when you said you loved us. Believing in you was my mistake.

    I wish you'd see that I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm not ur enemy I really do love you. I wish you'd help urself and heal your mind so that you can be a part of our daughters life. I wish things could go back to how they were when we were happy.�

    God knows why things happen and nothing in life is a mistake. If you leave, if you don't look back then it's for the best. One day I'll find happiness and that man can be a wonderful role model for our daughter. Although you have ur issues u are her father and I'd hate for you to lose that bond and connection. I wish this was easier and she could have her daddy to run to...if only her daddy loved her to get help.

    Dear God,

    Please heal the wounds that this separation has caused us and our families. Please God light the path towards restoration and peace. May we survive these hard times to have a stronger bond even if it's just a co-parenting relationship. Please wash away the anger, resentment, and any evil thoughts that ruin the happy moments. Please God only you have the power to heal him. If it's ur will just think it and he will be healed forever. Please drive out the demons that cloud his mind and prevent him from finding his way to a life in Christ. If he finds his way to You, God I know he'll never do harm again because anyone who has God in his heart has a conscious to do good. Please let Ur will be done and if it's Ur will for us to go through these hard times and separate then so be it God.

    I love you, strength me, and I will try my hardest not to fail you. But I beg You bring peace to my family and the families of everyone in this world.

    God is love.

    Amen <3

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        MrsBaz  62, Female, Florida, USA - 8 entries
    09
    Sep 2010
    6:42 AM EDT
       

    What advantages have I been given in life? 2020

    I was given the gift of faith!
    I was given the gift of love!
    I was given the gift of joy!
    I was given the gift of education - OK, busted my butt for this one!
    I have a wonderful husband (usually, he has his moments) whom I am totally in love with!
    I have the best children in the world - and grandchildren!
    I have an awesome family to stand by me.
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        MrsBaz  62, Female, Florida, USA - 8 entries
    09
    Sep 2010
    5:01 AM EDT
       

    I expect others: - to be supportive. - to be kind. - to be polite. - to be honest. - to have a sense of humor.
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        MrsBaz  62, Female, Florida, USA - 8 entries
    09
    Sep 2010
    4:29 AM EDT
       

    Weight Loss Journey: Day One Statement

    Well, today is day 1.� Not meaning it is the first day I have made an attempt, but meaning that this is the start of my recorded journey.� I have tried so many times to loose weight - sometimes succeeding, only to gain it all back - and then some.

    Yesterday I stood on the scale and it showed....�� 243!� That has to be my OMG moment.� OK, it was wrong - but not by much....� 235.� What is important is that I am almost there and definitely going to be there and over 250 soon!�

    THIS MUST STOP NOW!

     I don't know how this will be different; I only know that it must be different.� Melissa is going to contact Physicians Weight Loss Center for information.� I know that I need help, maybe going with something I have to pay for will help me to succeed.� I am going to watch my calories and start exercising today.� I will record what I eat and how much I exercise.� I will brag and boast of any goals met...�� I will cry and whine about goals missed...� but I will record all of them.

    I did the PWLC assesment last night.� According to thier online test�my ideal weight is between 99 and 121, so I should shoot for 111.� Don't know that I honestly believe that.� Don't know if that is possible for me.

    Well, here goes...�

    Tags: Weight Loss Journey
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        MrsBaz  62, Female, Florida, USA - 8 entries
    09
    Sep 2010
    2:52 PM EDT
       

    What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your life this year? The single most important thing I could do... lose weight. It would improve my health, my self image, and my ability to play with my grandchildren.
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