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    Janira  34, Female, Louisiana, USA - 19 entries
29
Dec 2010
5:38 PM
   

I'm going to Crack Up if I stay in this house any longer.

My uncle's not in his right mind does drugs and expect to live off of us and even says what's the point of doing it when I got six sisters to help me out. Where all living here with my grandmother who has a case of alzhimers and is in denial of it. My grandfather died this pass may and every excuse for her is my husbands dead. My mother has now taken the place of my grandfather and she doesn't want any of us to leave without her or leave the house longer than thirty minutes. My uncle uses my grandmothers fading mind as an advantage and asks for money for his drugs and liquor and acts like the house is his he uses all the food and gives it to the dog when we barley have none and by the time he gets his check it goes to the dope heads he borrowed money from. My grandmother doesn't want to get rid of him because he's her 'son'. Honestly with all this drama I'm about to crack! I'm in my last year of high school I have no job and I want out of here. I have a pet bird and after my uncle has either finished overdosing his self on drugs or has sold them to get his fix he tell me to shut up my bird which hey you dumb butt he's a bird!!!! When we call the cops he tries to sweet talk them like nothing wrong. He beats on his dog and says that's how you make him listen. The Veterans Hosptial mails him his medicine and can't even keep him over there how can you not control a sucidal?! We have to deal with him and his drug buddies. Even his drug buddies try to use her and hit on my mom. They want money for stamps or steal water from out house outside. And my grandmothers not even in her right mind. I can't take this any more I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not even eating right anymore like I use to. All my grandmother wants my mom to cook is chicken beef meat chicken ,spaggetti once or twice a month, chicken, sauages chicken. I mean we had a whole week nearly a month of notstop chicken. I'm to the point I'm about tired of eating meat. I've lost weight I'm stressed I don't even sleep right anymore... I wanna leave. I wanna be able to work out again, take care care of my self. My went to the store about 30 mins ago and now my grams is calling the store asking for her to call home. She's restless she sees things that aren't there. she doesn't know how to avoid a pole with a sign if it's in her way most of the time I need out!!!! I'm cracking mentally!!!!!!!!
2 comment(s) - 11:54 PM - 12/30/2010
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    lovelymonster  30, Female, Virginia, USA - 5 entries
28
Dec 2010
1:27 PM CST
   

When you are alone, you feel like something inside of you has died but you don't realize it because you're looking through a window with broken glass. Darkness surrounds you to the point you can't find any sign of life. After awhile happiness becomes a non existing emotion that isn't in your reach. You know a part of you has died when laughter is only heard by screams and your dreams fade into nightmares so disturbing you refuse to close your eyes. Sadness blooms inside you; nearly locked in your soul and the key is lost. You don't even try to find the key because you know it's impossible. Your thoughts become warped and twisted as you drift into something so terrible, that you can feel the life being sucked right out of your silenced chest. You try to fight your demons but you have no chance of winning the battle, the battle in which you have�already lost. You watch your life rot into dust that�is swept away by the wind. The demons inside you whisper in your ears such sick things that make your stomach turn in every direction until you find yourself on the ground praying to a God, that you ask for forgiveness and strength in, but you can't resist the dark command when you are�face to face with the demon. Suddenly you no longer live by your morals and you begin to swear by the book. Your cold fingers trace your tattered body that has taken part in your wrath and boils in your blood, pulsing guilty sins into your veins. Sharp objects leave wounds across your skin revealing a secret that you fear the most.�You are guided down deaths path as you struggle for your right to live, but you hold onto nothing that is worth saving you. Life becomes meaningless as the scarlet red blood you have taken from your own body arouses you. As you find yourself at your weakest, you stare out that broken window and you kiss the rain that hits the ground, reminding you of how effortlessly you let yourself fall into everything that never would have catched you at the end of your journey in the first place.
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    megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
27
Dec 2010
11:56 PM CST
   

so had a tired morning kicked myself out of bed and finally reached work where my boss left no attempt to kill me with pile of pre scriptions...hmm ...seriously why dnt you give this much work everyday why on the day m really tired
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    megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
27
Dec 2010
10:09 AM CST
   

sleepless night and a drunk boyfriend who is not going back to his home ..these are two things you do not want ..so my BF DRANK too much and i tried so many times to wake him up but he wouldn't get up....and finally i was successful at 2 am i finally send him back .....but then calls from australia wake me up...at 3 am then again tried to sleep could not and finally after trying hard i went to sleep at 430am and here i am on monday morning gettin ready for work...i hope my day goes little better....
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    lovelymonster  30, Female, Virginia, USA - 5 entries
27
Dec 2010
1:30 PM CST
   

Why must love be so difficult? You feel amazing�as if�you are�flying but then when you look away to wish on a star everything changes. You are no longer flying and you suddenly realize that you are�falling and it is�only a matter of time before you crash and burn. Then you think to yourself, "How can something so sweet, so lovely, wither away in the palm of your hands and the world continues to go on like nothing ever happened?" You feel like your heart has been strangled by love and everything inside your chest that used to keep you happy seems to have spilled out on the floor and vanish into the air that is now suffocating your every breath. The warmth inside your soul no longer seems to keep you warm and you feel lost and bitter. You notice that your trembling lips that once used to speak with such grace doesn't speak more than just a word, a word that isn't exactly truth but a mask hiding your�emotions so you don't have to explain your reasons for feeling nothing more but numbness and cold tears that escape from your no longer sparkling eyes. Suddenly you don't feel alive but yet you welcome death at your front door because you rather feel something than nothing at all. As time passes by, you have�become something so small that you are almost invisible but it doesn't hurt you because you have�learned to not feel but that still doesn't stop the undying tears. But at the end of the day, you know what you want and you know what you need. All you need is to spread your love and fly away.

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1 comment(s) - 09:55 AM - 12/29/2010
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    megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
26
Dec 2010
8:53 PM CST
   

just now my boyfriend called me hezzz such a sweet guy he drives 40 minutes jus to spend 3 hours with me ....and today i am feeling so low and i told him not to come but he insisted to see me .He said he ll take me for a movie or dinner ....my choice i am already feelin better !!!I wish every1 get a sweet boyfriend like him..I wish to spend every single moment of my life with him but unfortunately his mother hates me and do not want us to get married ...I have not done anythin bad with her ..i have no bad feelings for her and i can do anything to make her like me if only she gives me a chance..she has givin me such a wonderful person and i will be always thankful to her for this ...
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    megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
26
Dec 2010
8:56 PM CST
   

today is the most dead day of my life ...i am so bored ...emotionally broken,financially broken and no one with me i feel so alone ...have to study a lot but don't feel like ..i can watch movies but dont feel like ..i can cook but forget abt it ...why is that whatever i do to improve my life i am back to that unsatisfied feelin why i am never happy ..why i crave for a companinship ...why can't i find happiness within me..!!! hmmm m dying to go for work 2mrw ..atlest i ll get to see people ...
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    megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
26
Dec 2010
8:56 PM CST
   

I think sitting and applying nail polish is the single biggest time waster in my life especially when i have lot of things to study...nothing unfortunately my nails are too yellow to keep them without nail polish so i have to keep doing it ...lolz
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    megg  39, Female, Arizona, USA - 6 entries
26
Dec 2010
8:15 PM CST
   

well i am never afraid of failure ....My goal is to clear the Physical Therapy liscence exam i am trying to prepare for so ..if i get a chance i would like to give that exam today nd even if i ll fail i would be happy to prepare again and again nd again until i pass that
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    rued159  31, Female, United Kingdom - 17 entries
25
Dec 2010
2:59 PM GMT
   

Its christmas!

happy holidays to all n hope u have a gr8 tym.
so many things going on with mwa bt overall im happy!
so much going right hardly anything going wrng ==> :D
XXXXxxxXXXX

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