I'm really sad that noone had any advice for my last post...because I'm a mess! I don't know what to do anymore, I thought I had everything under control but now I can't even sleep because I'm thinking about him. It's really tearing me up inside because I don't know what to do: keep my mouth shut and just be friends with him or tell him and hope for the best. I'm pretty sure he'll turn me down, but at least he'll know and I won't have to carry this huge weight around. I have never felt this way about anyone before and I hate myself for falling for him but I just can't help it. I could really use some advice right about now....
my life is getting better everyday
2007 年3月1日
小时候俺喜欢坐在俺爹的膝头仰着脸问俺爹，他以前打仗时的事。爹不太爱讲以前的事，在俺一再地坚持之下，俺爹轻轻地抚摸着俺的头，双眼凝视着远方，像讲古一样给俺讲述了两件事。
第一次上战场，俺爹年轻，还不太会扔手榴弹，将手榴弹扔得太高，手榴弹刚到半空就爆炸了。当时俺爹所在的部队装备很差，可敌人看到凌空的爆炸，以为共军装上了小钢炮，纷纷慌张地退下。阵地保住了。真可谓，兵不厌诈。听到这，俺笑了。俺爹也笑了。
有一天夜里，俺爹上岗，到了换岗的时候，俺爹走下岗亭，另一个年轻的小战士爬上了岗亭，不到几秒钟的时间，那个小战士，就从上面滑到了坑道里，他的喉部中弹，几乎说不出话来，他用双手拼命地抓着俺爹，用尽全力说，：“快，快，快叫排长来”。 鲜血从小战士的喉部喷洒在俺爹的脸上和身上。听到这，年幼的俺流了一脸的热泪，俺知道，是那小战士的死换来了俺爹的生。那一刻，俺爹像雕塑一样的脸永久地刻在了我的心里。
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