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The person i admire the most is my brother

hes very responsible

and seems to know what hes doing with his life

and he doesnt let other people tell him what to do with it

:]

Im not sure if i see myself as him right now

but maybe someday.

Summer Time

I just love it other than the fact its almost over

i mean only one more month left and i will be back in school

but i guess so far ive had a really good summer

hanging out with friends.. getting to see my brother.. the beach

its been good

i have had a lot of time to think to

and ive noticed that im finally pretty much over the guy i never thought i would get over i just dont want to waste my time on somebody whos never going to be there for me.

We went to the Passion Play last night! It was really neat. CN about fell asleep twice and didn't act too interested but I was impressed. I liked the scenes that looked so real,,, like a painting! IT was beautiful! Jesus gave his life for us and this play depicted that very well. It made me sad for Jesus and sad that I'm not a better person. I know I will never be good enough.

We were invited to CN's friends for a BBQ. I offered to bring beans... I made a huge pot and then they canceled and NO ONE bothered to let me know! OH well, now we have lots of beans to eat! We just stayed home and did NOT MUCH!

Back to CN--- This had been a tough week living with him in Spearfish! I do like him but I don't feel anything special (now that I "cut him off" because God has made it clear we are not pleasing HIM by having sex) with him! Sad but we don't have much true love without sex! I don't know what I will do but I need to talk to him because I feel like I need more feeling, more emotion and NOT just when we are having sex! I do realize he is an amazing man, who has accepted us and loves my boys and he is nearly perfect but I don't think I can be with a man that I don't feel "Totally in love with" I want it to feel like we were meant to be not just in a comfortable relationship I can't get out of! Also, I wish he could feel the same as I do about the God and sex thing! He just doesn't care and that makes me feel uncomfortable about his faith. I want a man who wants to please God, not go against His wishes, when he knows what is expected of him! YES we miss the mark, yes, we are NOT perfect but CN just doesn't seem to care about something that he just needs to demonstrate his will power that I know he has!

当上本本族了！

终于结束了慢长的学车生涯，长嘘一口气！不过，扶着自己家宝莱车的方向盘，咋就觉得挺迷茫的呢？唉，只能当本本族了！

学弟'胖哒'是我介绍给师傅当徒弟的。为啥叫胖哒呢？因为他潜意识里追求完美，凡事都觉得要温故才能知新。所以在整个考试过程中，他绝不一次通过！一定'double'!第一次考法规，自觉天资聪颖，不看书也行，结果离90分的及格线总差个几分！只好再来一次！学车的时候倒是不错，毕竟是男生，对车车有手感！不过，脚感嘛..... hehehe.倒车考试估计是受我影响，有心理障碍了。考试那天天气不好，心情更不好，被师傅骂了一通后，得到了预想的失败结局。准备补考前的一次模拟时，看到了胖哒的火爆脾气。居然对着师傅大吼，师傅估计也没见过这样的徒弟，立马看上去像个徒弟了！师傅终于明白激励的方法不是靠骂人的。倒车顺利补考通过！小路考我们又一起练习了。开了几圈后，我看出来他的问题就是起步熄火。于是提醒他考试的时候，一定要穿软底鞋。可是，考试的结果还是坡道起步熄火，关掉！在期待小路补考的日子里，胖哒估计在享受着老婆制定的'零花钱减半'政策了。哈哈，祝胖哒小路补考顺利通过。愿大路考时胖哒痛改前非，一次pass! 彻底当个没车的本本族！