anyways yesterday i said i cant keep helping ben out and shit but ive changed my mind. i just i have to try, because ima good friend and i know i am, and hes one of my best friends and he made me a promise and i have to keep it and if it means he will stop the thing hes doing. i miss himso much, not like as a boyfriend but just as a friend and im so happy that we're talking but i KNOW theres drama involved, but i guess ill deal with it. i just dont want to lose my BEST BEST friend over it and if thats what it means
fuck i dont even know what to write but i dont want to be judged i seriously just want to bawl my fucking eyes out. im sooooo tireeeeed:(:(:(:( and bitchy and SAD and depressed and i dont want to be like this. and math is getting to me SO Much. and the person i thought i really liked turned out to be a boring peice of shit which, i guess helped out my decision making but NOOOT so much because the other guy.. as nice as hecan be, turned out to bekind of a bitch to me. and then the guy that has always been mean tome, well i know he does it just because he can and i can never win, and somehow i find it attractive and so i dont know anymore about any goddamn thing. i want to crawl into a fucking hole and sleep forever.
GOD!!:@
i need a friend with me so i can just CRYYYY my eyes out
My sister who we shall call "Rosebud" is 2 years older than me, she couldn't be more different in so many ways, for example: She is tall, I'm a pixie. She is thin, I'm whalelike, She has beautiful hair, I look like an African Bushwoman. You get the general just here? lol, well, we are the closest in age out of all the sisters and we had our fair share of battles when growing up. I possibly won't be forgiven or could even be battered for mentioning some of those, but what the heck! Life is far too short.( she says, looking out her passport and case! lol )
I remember the two of us, sliding down the stairs inside sleeping bags, sitting on bed pillows. On one occassion, madam pushed me from the top of the stairs, deliberately, so I faked death at the bottom, a very brave move on my part, as there was the inevitability of agood old fashioned beatingwhen I was rumbled. I kept it up for ages, lying as still as possible while tears dripped on my face and I could hear the wails of "Oh no" ," What have I done?" and "I'm so sorry, "Please wake up". When I braved it and opened my eyes laughing, I, took a rather severe beating!
Rosebud just loved to persuade me to climb on the handlebars of her bike and pedal like mad towards the biggest hill in our street. I remember screaming as the bike tore down hill and eventually crashed into the old stone causeway wall, as I flew over it at top speed! Ahhh the good old days! lol. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We got in all sorts of trouble, always blaming each other. An all time classic was an altercation after a saturday afternoon lunch.
We were sat at the table, just the two of us, always a recipe for disaster. Can't remember how it started exactly, but I do, however, remember reading the paper and being bugged to "look", when I lowered the paper, I got a spoonful of jam flicked in my face, followed by very loud laughter! so I threw food back and ran round the table several times being chased, when I ran out the front door, I pulled it shut behind me! oopsie! I heard her foot go through one of the several small panes of glass. My poor dad had got such a fright when he heard, as he thought we had smashed the two enormous glass patio doors! lol.
My all time favourite story involving us both, was one of my dear old Aunts. To put you in the picture, our Auntie Mabel had a very deep, husky and slow, extremely well spoken voice. She wasour poshest relative! It was around Teatime at my parents' when the phone rang and I answered to disgusting heavy breathing. I kept saying "Hello"? "Hello"? "Who is that"?. After no answer, I hung up. It rang again. The same thing happened. I said "Please stop phoning" "Thats disgusting" I told Rosebud, as I was upset and she reassured me it was okay, she said if the phone rang again,she would deal with it.
The phone rang 10 mins later and she twirled the phone lead round the door into the bathroom and said some very, very, bad and threatening words to my mystery dirty phonecaller.To our utter horror, the phone rang again and our mother answered it saying " Oh Hello Aunt Mabel" "Are you okay?" Apparently she was pretty shaken up after phoning a "wrong number" and getting loads of abuse!! Oopsie! Aww Rosebud, we had a lot of fun.
We topped and tailed for years, I miss that sometimes,especially, If I feel really sad, even now, at 37! lol. It's hard to believe you will be 40 really soon and I wish you a very happy day. I Love you very much. Thanks for the laughs and for being my big sis. xxxxxxxx
Got my teeth cleaned recently... I was kinda having problems with #14 (top left second from the back). It felt like the floss would catch on the tooth but it never hurt. They said I had to get the old filling taken out and a crown. So, today I had to get it preped for a crown! I was very nervous and didn't want to do it! It wasn't that bad and I got a temperary crown until I can get mypermenant crown on the 21st.
CN and I don't seem to be getting along so great. I mean things "seem" fine but I have been super bitchy to him and he hasn't been too lovey! Sometimes I wonder if we are really meant to be! Maybe I am starting to take him for granted! I am still working on the house plans and trying to get my house ready to sell which he has been a big help with my house. He painted Oakley's room and did a great job! I need to be more grateful to him! I feel like he hasn't been talking to me about what he wants as far as this merge! who knows maybe he does't want it all and just won't tell me. Our communication isn't so great right now!
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