Love to me is not just girls and guys together. Love is a way of life. You love your friends, your life, maybe a certain kind of food, maybe you love loving! I know I do. So to me that's what love is. <3
and
AND
AND my...
(Adorable babies)
AND THAt'S A FACT! But there are too many things to list........
He's suddenly not himself. We took him to see the vet on Tuesday after he fell the second time. When he went down the first time we heard it but no one was in the room to see what happened. We just heard a loud noise and when we got there he was laying on the floor instead of his pillow, all stretched out on his side. We knew the noise was him hitting the floor. That was Monday night, then Tuesday morning again - this time I made him stand up and he really had trouble getting on his feet. His legs seemed very wobbley like he could go down at any point.
The whole day before seeing the vet he was only interested in laying on his pillow, he even ignored his food! When the man came to work on my PC he usually barks alot - nope, he ignored that too. We had to lift him into the truck - no way could he jump up there like he used to. He usually is very excited whenever he's in the truck but he just layed down - wierd!
At this point the vet isn't able to pinpoint what the problem is exactly, he was only able to say that from what I told him, the xrays and the bloodwork results he believes there is something seriously wrong.
I knew that! $500.00 to learn what I already knew! All he could do now is to refer me to specialist - uh - no. Can't go any further, we can't afford even what we've spent so far.
I'm left with guilt, anxiety and sadness. He's been a good dog, he's our friend and I don't want to see him suffer. At this point all there is to do is wait and see & HOPE.
Some people think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.
Sylvia Robinson
Ok talked to "him" for awhile on and off today. My mind began driftin into dangerous waters, could've drown myself in the freaky thoughts going on n my head. We are getting more frank about our feelings for each other. Especially him, he told me last night that he wanted to make love me, then during our texting he revealed intimate fantasies about us, in addition to the fact that he has a romantic side. Never would have guessed it, thought he was too jesus/holy also too rigid. Oh how wrong I was was:)
I had to abruptly shut the computer down..I want him so bad it disturbs my sleep. Last night without prompting he stated he wanted to make love to me, also that 75% of a relationship is sexual. Not a problem for me, at all. Yesterday was the first time he ever revealed any sexual attraction towards me, shocked yes! He is unpredictable which is quite refreshing!
Occasionally I question whether Iam deserving or enough for him. He is cognizant of this insecurity I possess, however I dont make it obvious or anything. I cant wait to start our/ my life with him. He has real expectations as do I. There is no such thing as an ideal relationship, yet I would like to get as close as possible.
Its almost time for the kids to go to bed, cant wait for some peace and quiet. Or chatting on the phone with him, snoring but trying to convince me otherwise.
I filled in my new calendar yesterday. I went page by page copying the important dates from the last year's calendar. I made note of the ages of the birthdays we'll celebrate, I note the years of the anniversaries, the age of my dog and the years we've lived in this house.
It always is amazing to watch a year go by in just the 10minutes it takes to organize the days on the pages. I know time doesn't pass that quickly but by this time next year I'll have my doubts about that!
I wonder what memories I'll have, what goals I'll reach, what I'll look forward to.
Time is such a wierd thing, while we don't notice it as we drift along we tend to take it for granted and only appreciate that when we are faced with the possibility that it will end. Having the honor of being part of Shirley's last days has me wishing I had the power to stop the clock, or at least freeze it now and then.
I could cry (and I have) when I realize that this life I have will not last forever. I hope my love will. I hope I'll be remembered, what can I do today to make sure I am? That sounds like a resolution!
Turn your wounds into wisdom. ~Oprah Winfrey
Yes this is from Oprah...while she is seen as a farce by some, and a Goddess by others, I just see her as a woman that has gone through things in life.
This quotation, means a lot to me, I have done exactly this, or have tried to in life.
I have taken the wounds that I have been dealt in life into wisdom, seeing as how most think that history repeats itself. If we take what we've done in life, and turn that into wisdom, we shouldn't repeat what we've already done.
I know that some mistakes that I've made in life, some that I've regretted, I don't anymore, because I have learned from them, gained the wisdom that are in those mistakes, and used it to my advantage.
Most are afraid of making mistakes, well depending on what they are, yes be afraid, but most of the time, MAKE BIG MISTAKES!! That is our motto in chor, make big mistakes so then we know what to do to fix it.
How I have been hurt in life, only add to what I have to offer people. The hurts that I have, allow me to relate to others better than most. I use these to my advantage not only so the one hurting me doesn't get the satisfaction from hurting me, but the advantage I gain is being able to help others, and that's a reward in and of itself.
So, if you've been hurt, take the time to lick your wounds, still the hurt won't go away without taking time for yourself, but also turn that hurt into a positive force, by allowing yourself to learn from it, gain the wisdom from it, and live life by making mistakes to only learn from them, and break that vicious cycle of repeating history.
Ok, well I don’t know what to talk about really. Not much has been going on other than all this crazy weather we’re having. I swear, two days ago I was hot! Like, it was hot to where I was thinking about turning on the central air hot! And now today, there are icicles on the branches. It’s crazy! I’m just like, what the crap! Oh, and for my New Year’s resolution is to stop cursing so much and to also stop drinking soda other than if I’m at the movies because I’m not going to pay $3 for a bottle of water! I mean, I can’t do it. Water should be free and I disagree to pay for it. Well I mean, we pay the water bill and I’m paying in that way but c’mon! Water costing $3! That water better make me lose a pound in that one bottle! Let’s see what else. Oh, well we got this new worker, I’m his trainer. He’s cool and all but I don’t know. He keeps on talking about girls and this and that, and I don’t think he’s too fond of gays. He talks about it’s not natural and this and that. I’m just like, oh, ok, you know. I think he’ll probably get me to come out and just go bad on him. For one, I hate when people say, oh it’s a choice. Ha, yeah, I CHOSE to be different. I CHOSE to be hated by homophobes. I CHOSE to have to feel scared about being with a guy. Yeah, I CHOSE to be gay and like men. It’s so dumb, I don’t know. I should just write a book. And of course he continues to go on, he said something about, “Oh, I studied biology and I know that there is no way a rectum should be use for that” or some crap like that. I was just thinking, Ok, a girl’s mouth isn’t used to suck d**k but bet he wouldn’t mind if the girl got on her knees. Am I right? Really! And to be honest I do like the feeling, LOL. I don’t know. He doesn’t want me to come out because if I did, oh I would let him have it. You wanna be a great debater, let’s go! But yeah, I don’t know. Umm, let me see what else to talk about. Oh, my freaking sister got in a wreck (while I was with her, my first time in a wreck!) while she was driving my other sister’s car. Yeah, it was really scary! But no one was hurt so that was a blessing. Umm, let me see what else. Oh, my cousin has continued to be a rotten mother to her kids. She dropped them off at my grandma’s house just like she did to us. Yeah, I don’t know if it’s because she doesn’t love them or just doesn’t behave the way a mother should. I mean, I don’t think my mom was a very good mother but I loved her to death and I know that she loved me to death. I mean, the woman would cry over anything. I remember when I cut my foot on some glass and was bleeding she started crying. It didn’t hurt too badly but it sort of felt good to know that she loved me. I guess I always knew, I even remember when I was younger, like 3 or so, I remember telling her I wanted to marry her, not knowing of course how nasty and wrong that would have been, LOL. I was even telling my sister that and she was just like, “Oh, that’s so cute!” I was like, yeah, when I was younger she was my everything. She was the world to me. It’s sort of sad to think that her daughter won’t feel the way I did about my mom nor does her mom feel that same about her. I don’t know what is the matter with that girl is. All I can think of is, “THIS IS YOUR BABY!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE AND WANT TO CARE FOR YOUR BABY!!!” But maybe one day she’ll learn a thing or two about them kids but when that day comes, it will probably be too late for them kids. Umm, what else to talk about…oh, we also got this other new guy. He’s a little slow it seems like. Sometimes he talks and I’m like, what the crap are you talking about. He thinks he’s hot or something. I’ll give him a 6 out of a 10. 10 being crazy cute where I look at you more than once and just say to myself several times, “Dang, you are SEXY/CUTE!” I’ve seen maybe umm, about 5-10 donors that we’re like oh crap and maybe 2 ½ workers. ½ meaning I thought this guy was really super cute when I first saw him but now he’s like an 8. Just when you’re more up close you know, LOL. Yeah, well anyways, he’s a 6. He talks about girls but he never really discusses gays or whatever. Guess haven’t gotten to that subject. I don’t know why me and Pete (the other guy) discussed it one day. It was weird. I want to say it’s because there’s this girl who works there and I told him she’s lesbian and he went off from there. He says, “I don’t dislike gay people. I love gay people. I just disagree with their relationship.” What kind of stupid CRAP is that? Umm, gay people and gay relationships…sort of go hand in hand don’t you think. Being gay is your sexual orientation meaning that some kind of sexual relationship is involved. Yeah, I don’t know. Anyways, back to the other guy, Robert. Yeah, he just talks about girls and crap once in a while but he says he wouldn’t cheat on his girlfriend because he wouldn’t throw away what he has for p*55y. So that’s good I think. I tell him I’m going to message his girlfriend and tell her and he was like, “Nah man!” LOL I wouldn’t do that of course. That’s him and her. It just seems that the majority of men are pigs. It freaking sucks. Rob and another guy were talking about a donor and the other guy was telling Rob to like put her number in his cell with a guy’s name. I just think, dang are men really like this??? I mean, yeah, I know my occasional a-hole such as my cousin and stuff but really! I don’t know. Well hopefully I can find a good guy one day. I hope. Well until next week. I’ll talk to y’all later!
That's how I'd describe my paternal father, he is insensitive and selfish that is putting it midly. It took alot for me not to curse his old ass out. How dare he come to my without any gifts for his grandkids, but want me to wrap some gifts he bought for somone else's children. Regardless of the fact that my children have plenty of material things, I cant see his logic. He has always done me and his other children this way, going the extra mile for others while his family does without. Maybe I shouldnt expect anything different, after all past behaviors are indicative of the future. When my sister came to the door I informed here he was here, she got back in her car and drove off.
I chatted with "him" briefly" via text, he also called me,apologizing for not giving me "phone time". I was being neglected by him, what took him so long to see it? Huh men I tell ya. Often times I cant read "him" left guessing what is on his my mind dont like this. I would prefer he told me was forward with me. Trying to occupy my time with whatever distraction is useful. not working out to well/. He has alot of idosyncracies, that may provide a challeng for me. I have a list of his peculiar behaviors, I should put them on paper. Everything he consumes is done so with a fork, (even ice cream) his clothes must be folded immediately after coming out the dryer, no sleeping or lounging on the furniture, all clothes must ironed in a room (not on the floor), all music must be confined to the bedroom on low, no food in the fridge with foil on it, dont reheat his food in the microwave, no dishes left in the sink over night, dont use the dishwasher, hair products ,curling irons in the bathroom only, no food of any kind in the bedroom, no trash in the house, Im sure there is more to come. He is very rigid in some of his views, ridiculous I would say
secretnotes 20, Female, California, USA - 
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shevieisinlove 18, Female, Philippines - 
