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    shiningizzy  54, Female, Connecticut, USA - First entry!
Dec 2009
4:15 PM EDT

me and him

12/12/09 7pm

Well, today I'm having some emotional struggles up and downs.� I've had moments that my heart jumps and think on how prior to exactly 7 days ago he used to always ask me if I still love him (constantly) and that If I was his, and I'd ask him if he's mine and that if he has eyes for me only or if he's always faithful to me while he's at work, he'd always answer yes and I'd always answer yes too.....� today, we don't care to ask that to each other any more.�

I found out he has been making "social" phone calls to different community hotlines for a while now..... when I first discovered it over 4 months ago he swore up and down that it was a co-worker who he was lending his phone to, yeah right!� I confronted him about a recent activity which happened to be on a day that I was visiting my mom who was sick over at a hospital which was over 1 1/2 hr drive.� When I discovered this he said it was not him, that the phone is acting up, he also did it during a day that we spent at DMV to inspect his vehicle to get it back on the road again.� WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?WHYYYYYYYYY????????????????? gosh, it hurts soooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He finally admitted it, looked at my crying and swore that nothing bad ever happened, that he never spent a penny on it., and that he won't do it again because he loves me, I believe him.�

I won't lye, I've been checking the phone records, no sign of daring calls like that, but then I wonder if he's using his business phone to do those calls, or maybe even meet someone physically or be with someone physically while he's at work, I worry so much, it's not even funny.� It's very very very hard to trust him again.

Can someone outthere gimme please some encouraging words.� I'm hurting so much, I love this man soooooo much!

5 comment(s) - 11:18 AM - 08/18/2010
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Current Tags: betrayal, love, man, meeting singles, phones, relationships, social networks, trust, woman

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    Meggies14  36, Female, Illinois, USA - 2 entries
Jun 2008
12:06 PM CDT

On your own now...

On your own now...
In my dreams I see you
I see you sitting there across from me
With a blank expression on your face

You're watching me…watching you

Then you stand up, take the last sip
Of the whiskey you had poured yourself
�€�In that short crystal glass
Not knowing this was the last drink you were about to take

As you grab you're throat
You're eyes build up with tears
You choke
But while trying to understand the current affair
Your life flashes bits of its pieces before you

You see your childhood
Your father that was never there
Your mother, Your brothers
And everything that meant something to you

But right in front of you, you see me
You see what had taken over you
What had changed your life
What had given u something that you never truly had before

While i had previously added that demise into your glass
I had thought about how I before tried to save you
To save you from that life that never gave you shit

But being you
The only you that you know
Could never give back what I had given to you

You were once a piece of clay�
That I sculpted, molded, shifted into what you were never before�

Yet you could still never give
Never give back to me

Everything I had poured out to you
Everything I passed up to be with
Everything that meant everything to me,�
had meant Nothing to you

Words were never enough for me
It was your character
Your phony sense of love

The one who raised you never gave you their appreciation
In which you never gave to me
You were always that person

I love you -Ok -
Ill be there
You never came till morning
At 3 am I smelled booze on your breath
As u finally entered my door
A liar
Something u got from your father

So now you stand there Gripping your throat�
Now understanding how I have for the past 2 years
Strain, deceit, pain, exhaustion
love and hate

Take your last deep breath
Hope to your God that he will be there
Because I will never save you again from what you have become

1 comment(s) - 11:38 PM - 12/09/2010
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Current Tags: , betrayal, letting go, poetry, revenge

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