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Trace 61, Female, USA - 38 entries

Nov 2006
7:56 PM EDT

Im actually managing to get through the first semester of math. I only have 4 assignments that I have to submit by this Friday. Thank God there was no final exam. I got a 83 on my final exam for Intro to Computers. I do not know yet what my final grade is for Strategies for Technical Professional, but I do know I passed; grade should be 90+.

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stillsexy 50, Female, New York, USA - First entry!

Nov 2006
8:15 PM EDT

I haven't journaled in about a year and I was not consistent then. This is a lil crazy allowing people read your thoughts but imma see where this takes me. Today I went to visit my pastor today because my husband and I have are in marriage counseling. I found out in the beginning of October my husband had cheated. With a women in the same neighborhood we live in. Isn't that some BS. I haven't shared this information with any friends or family.Partly because I didn't want to get the typical responses and there not married. So I learning to lean on the LORD. I know that God has the victory but it still hurts. I'm mad, I'm angry I feel like the jar broke befor had to use it. Does that make sense? I know that I'm not the first women to experience this. But I dont't want a marriage that is based on a lie. Not being able to trust.I guess that's it for now

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SallysSilentMurders 35, Female, Louisiana, USA - 17 entries

Nov 2006
7:06 PM EDT

"The worst thing you can try to do is cling to something that is gone, or to recreate it." - Johnette Napolitano I believe this a hundred percent.Especially in relationships clinging to something that just isn't there anymore is a bad thing.It can leave you more hurt then you really need to be.Never cling to things or try to recreate them always let them go whenever it's their time to die.Whether it be a relationship,a person,an animal,a feeling, or a memory.

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emma 34, Female, Kansas, USA - 12 entries

Nov 2006
7:04 AM EDT

if God had wanted people to give blow jobs then he wouldn't have given us teeth.

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1 comment(s) - 09:40 PM - 11/23/2006

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emma 34, Female, Kansas, USA - 12 entries

Nov 2006
7:01 AM EDT

my name is "Emma" you may call me Emma. i am ____years old and i live in _____, Kansas. my phone number is(___) ___-____, and i am not an idiot. i go to _____High school and i am in the __th grade. i am not a virgin, in fact it is a high possibility that i am pregnant. i have been smoking pot for 4 years, i have drinking for 6 years, and i have been smoking cigs for 4 years. i am a cutter...sort of. i promised my boyfriend i would stop if he stopped. my mother, whom i hate, has NO idea what i do in my "spare" time. she has no idea that i sneak out to get drunk and get high and make love to the man i love. she has no idea i'm no longer a virgin. my life is fucked up. i have been recently having quite a few thoughts of suicide due to the tragic death of me friends lives. 2 of my friend died in a drunken car accident on Friday, October 13th, 2006. my ex--that i loved with all my heart--, his father--who is legally insane--was his (while on his motorcycle) by an oncoming semi on the highway and died instantly. This friend OD'd on a Speedball approximately one month later. his sister killed herself by "playing" the pass-out game 2 weeks after that, and their mother who was best friends with my aunt, slit her wrists. Every REAL cutter knows, however, that you must walk UP THE STREET not DOWN THE STREET to do any REAL damage. i am sitting here in class doing something i'm not supposed to be doing...i'm masturbating. i'm kidding! that's nasty. not really...just don't get caught in public. use it as a way to make your boyfriend want you even more when you're talking to him on the phone. start masturbating while you're talking to him. tell him what you're doing and how good it feels. it will turn him on to know that you are pleasuring yourself while talking to him at the same time. it'll make him rush right over to see you! works every time! i get depressed really easily. a little advice from me to you...do not listen to Eminem's curtain call when you are depressed becaus eit will only make your shit even worse. believe me, i know from personal expierience. my mom is going to topeka today for job training and as a result will not be back until 5 or 6:30, which is way after my boyfriend and i get off of school. so i am going to make him come over and i am going to give him head and make him give me head. he LIKES giving me head though, so it's cool. just to let you know, i am a very open person. i am open about everything except where i live and people's names. i am open about sex and drugs and alcohol and everything bad like that. ask me anything. ask me how big my boyfriends dick is and i'll tell you it's 7 inches and getting bigger...for me. i might come back and write another entry later becaus ei do actually like this site. it's great for getting shit off your shoulders. i have been doing very good about not drinking lateley. i have been sober for a month and a week and i haven't cut for about 1 1/2 weeks. i haven't smoked in one day and i haven't gotten high in 4 days. my boyfriend, however, is not doing so hot. P.S. i cuss a-hella-mother-fucking-lot as well.

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eveycan2 49, Female, Illinois, USA - 5 entries

Nov 2006
3:19 PM CDT

well Mario and I still living under the same roof but ever since I have been seeing that there is no hope for us my feelings have changed so much towards Mario. I don't care what he does or how he feels about me anymore, and it's not like things have changed between him and I. You would think that since I dont pay as much attention to him as I was before that he would grow a little closer to me but that is not the case. Not to mention I was at a club 2 weeks ago and I saw this girl that Mario and I know, she was telling me that at a picnic over the summer her cousin and Mario hit it off, she said that her cousin liked him and they exchanged phone numbers...and get this..........she's a stripper!!!! Well when I confronted him he said that all he did was help her get a job at a strip joint that he used to go to..oh yeah, that helped!! Im so over this stage in my life, and ready to move on, my b-day was last week 11/3 and im now 30 years old, Id say it's time to get my real life started and stop living a lie!! It's time to move on. Im going to do just that. I need to relocate for my job in 3 months anyway. Everything happens for a reason, this permotion was my savior, and made me open my eyes and realize HE WONT CHANGE, they hardly do!

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Jane 58, Female, Illinois, USA - 50 entries

Nov 2006
4:59 AM EDT

Hardly do you ever get what you ask for but I guess the “let it snow” thing really worked. Boy did Athens get hit with quite a snow storm on Friday. It was exciting to see the snow but it put a little damper on our travel plans for the weekend. Laura and I were heading to Prescott to visit Dan and Renee. Our original plan was to leave about noon. We were going to stop in Chippewa and take a tour at the Lennie’s Lodge and then head over to Lake Elmo, MN and go out for Happy Hour with some of the Retail Construction Folks. Well by noon we had heard such horror stories about the roads that we put our plans on hold. About 1 o’clock we called our cousins who was also traveling to the Cities and they said once they got to Chippewa the roads were fine. So we dug out the car and started out on our trip. Getting out of town and on hwy 97 the roads were pretty bad. Highway 29 was not too bad and just like they said once we got to Chippewa the roads were clear. Because of our late start we could not fit the Lodge tour in – maybe next time. We arrived at RCI at 5 minutes to 5. Just in time to head to the Twin Point for a drink. They did not have 1 flake of snow in Lake Elmo!!! J

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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Nov 2006
1:41 PM MST

What a busy last few days. CN is still here! He and my brother put in my new flooring in the kitchen in about 3 hours last night! It is beautiful! Should be for what I paid for it!!! BUT I LOVE my NEW kitchen! It looks so good! CN worked on "finishing" it (trim boards etc) all day! THEN when I came home there were flowers for me! He's amazing! I do love him!?!?! my inlaws called and said they were at the Jr High and wanted to stop by. I was so worried, and really wanted to "kick CN out" for a few hours while they came over but instead I had him stay and acted as if he were just a friend who came over to do my floor and I was cooking him dinner to "thank him" Well, that isn't a lie! I didn't want to make it a big deal~! But yet I also felt I couldn't ask him to leave when he's been here for over a week being my "right hand man" and helping me out more than ANYONE else in my life right now!~ I am sure they have tons of questions and are upset to see a man sitting in their son's chair at the dinner table! HOW hard that must be for them! I can't imagine! However I feel, A little sugar coating, on my part, doesn't hurt~! I want them to gradually work into the idea that I may have moved on,,, but I can just imagine that they are going to be "checking" for his pickup in the driveway and asking the boys and just "checking up on me" I know how they are!!! OH well, I can't feel guilty! I didn't do anything wrong and CN is the most wonderful guy I could've ever found to be with us... I know CN will NEVER replace D but he sure could fit into our family and he helps makes us happy (all of us!) LORD JESUS- I thank you for this day, I pray for Tom and Connie that they can understand and accept and hopefully even learn to like CN! I pray for You to help me feel okay about this and ease my mind that I made the right decisions, tonight and even for the past few months! I love you JESUS! AMEN

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TrulyMe88 37, Female, Colorado, USA - 188 entries

Nov 2006
2:01 AM MDT

(the heart of the matter - india arie) for those of you who've heard it, is something that i have felt but have not been able to explain it. those of you that know me know that i carry the world on my shoulders and all that i have ever lived through has accumulated and become this burden that continues to knock me down when i believe i am standing on top of it, and it is no longer on top of me. well i was wrong. life is about what you learn but the experiences you have overcome to learn those lessons are not suppose to linger with you. i have realized that our society is fucked up. yes, i mean all of us. the american culture has our mind twisted and manipulated, we have been decieved and we can not depict everything that we say in television. it's acting! yes i am guilty of this, we all are. in one way or the other we try to recreate what we say on tv. whether in our family lives, love lifes, or personal. we can not overcome things the way we do because it's not real! our families can't be the cosby's, we can't have perfect love without frustrating problems that cause conflict that last for days, and we can't come to realization within hours. well this is your reality check so you can at least make an effort to change. i am personally guilty of this. i take the people that have let me down and attached that to their persona. i expect that from them so when they hurt me i'm quick to say "well what did you expect". well you know what i give up. i am starting over. i have learned many lessons and they continue to be reiterated, i obviously didn't learn them properly. so i need to refresh my spirit, lay all my burdens at His feet, and redefine myself. i need me and i need Him that's all. the rest of you are just additions. i love my best friends to death! but they are only additions and it is ok to lean on them when He tells me too but sometimes i have to know that i will be ok if i have to do it on my own. i've always been forgiving but i have never let go. i'm letting go and whether you hate me or love me, appreciate me or ignore me. i am starting over. i'm not telling anyone to come to me with acceptance of what i am doing cause only one person needs to accept me and what i do. i don't need anyone to complete me just add to my life. i need to re-find happiness within myself because i have lost that. my judgement has been clouded and my decisions influenced. i love you all for who you are but i have to be me now. i can't carry you on my back, that's what He is here for. He wants you to come to Him, i'm here but i can't be what He can to you ... find Him. i am finding myself. redefining myself. loving. re-learning. letting go. forgiving. and accomplishing. not for you this time, for me. and if you don't understand it's ok. the more you know the more you don't understand because i am going against the rhetorical. yes it's radical in words but hey, i feel like i need this more now than ever. you should let no one ever tell you who you are. by actions or by words! love you. and when you say you do. mean it. on ALL levels! love is amazing but so is freedom.

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sublettt30 70, Female, Texas, USA - 66 entries

Nov 2006
3:48 PM EDT

Q: When did you realize you wanted to be a writer? A: I started writing poetry in college. I likely decided I wanted to be a writer in my apartment at the age of 18. I confessed to my X-husband that I want to be a writer. The self-_expression and the sense of connection were there no matter what was happening in my external world. What I wrote for love in poetry was a consumption to get me attention and validation. I was hungry for that, for being heard and understood. Q: How and when did you make this dream a reality? A: During the eleven years I’ve been divorced, the strongest desire was to publish a newsletter. My father encouraged me to write him letters when I was growing up so writing was a natural thing. So I did. From that experience I always had a desire to publish a newsletter. So when the Lord asks me to work for him I perceived he meant for me to write. I published my first newsletter about the Kingdom of God in 1996. My very first published piece was in the Real Estate Digest for in which I was paid $50.00. And, I am writing a novel now, which is total out of my range. The irony is that I've become a professional writer in the world. I have articles placed in local media, and in state publications. People who stop me to talk about my writing want to talk about those. I joined a professional writing organization on the strength of the number of articles I've had published. I get paid for those articles through non-profit organizations working to prevent substance abuse. Not at all what I imagined for my life as a writer. I still need to make the dream of having my novel out there in the world a reality. Q: What's the most important lesson you've learned so far in your writing career? A: How the best creative ability can come form God because I know him. Writing is a simple commitment to do that: take time to just write. Q: What are you working on right now? A: A guide about real estate investing, my experience of buying and selling. Updating my web site. Writing more columns. Q: Name some authors or books that have influenced your writing life in a positive way. A: Oh gosh. Any author I'm currently inhaling influences my writing life--but the ones who have taken the time to mentor me, talk with me, give encouragement have meant the most. The two books I use most often when I'm teaching writing are: "Your Life Story," and "The Writer's Journey" (on fiction writing). Q: What have you recently read or what are you reading right now that you would consider an outstanding work? A: I've been enjoying finding things that will keep me reading. I know that I need to be completing, that novel, that project, are trying to get more ideas. I have been reading “Sometimes a Wall Can Really Talk” The Donovan Maxey Story, by J. Edward Griffin I love what I notice in the writing. Q: What excites or ignites your soul? A: Continuing to build my relationship with God and the web community. Joy lives ordinary. She works, and writes from life experiences of dramatic success, diverse training and a wealth of experience-based wisdom.

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