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David got home around 330am -4am this morning...I was so glad that he came home. We ran errands today. Things are very stilted between us now..

We went bowling today...I won 3 out of 4 games...it was a blast!

David went to Paul's house again tonight....I was so angry when he told me that he was going back over there, that I LEFT while he was taking Charlie out. I called him on his cell and told him that I was going to dinner and a movie...I also told him that I was not going to apologize for leaving..I told him that I was MAD! I also told David that he needed to make a decision...DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED OR DO YOU WANT TO BE SINGLE?!? I then hung up on him...I am not proud of myself...

Бьорн только что пришел из магазина (по субботам мы затовариваемся на неделю) и, говорит, ужасный холод. Так что Ребешку, конечно, я с собой на Крестный Ход брать не буду, пойду одна.

Во вторник мы с Ребешкой ездили к Оле с Настей и Ваней, на машине Бьорна, а он в это время отвез мою машину на починку. Провели весь день у Оли, уехали уже в десятом часу. Ребешка была просто счастлива. Дети теперь общаются между собой только по английски, но я была рада видеть, что все, что Оля и Руслан говорили Ребешке по-русски -она понимала, и делала то, что они говорили. Там мы ходили на ферму, как и в предыдущие разы (хотя последний раз мы у них были ровно год назад). Там были козлы-козы, свиньи, лошади, один индюк, одна гусыня, охраняющая свои яйца, и куры. Ребешка самозабвенно кормила козла (через решетку) соломой и листьями.Также первый раз она видела индюка и была поражена егонекрасивостью.Свинья виляла хвостом, как собака. А когда детишки втроем подошли посмотреть на гусиные яйца (через забор), то гусыня громко заклокотала, подбежала к яйцам, всем видом показывая, что будет их защищать. Это детишек впечатлило. А рядом с фермой выстроили замечательную детскую площадку, и онитамдолго играли, а мы с Олей болтали.В общем, визит удался на славу, дети наигрались, мы наболтались. При прощании Оля дала еще пакет Настиных вещей, детиотдали несколько своихигрушекей в подарок, аОля мне - винегрета. Я оставила Оле книжку "Казус Кукоцкого". Думаю ей понравится, она ведь тоже биолог, как и Таня в книжке.

На одноклассники.руменя нашла Света Терешенкова из класса. Она живет в Бирюлево с мужем и двумя сыновьями.А я нашла Иру Котову, так что мы теперь с ней тоже переписываемся. На майские праздники они едут в Лондон.

Машину мою починили. Заменили все колеса, обновили все, что надо было обновить. Механик сказал, что машина, хоть и старая, но в хорошем стоянии и готова к дальним поездкам. Будем надеяться.

A few weeks ago I got a mail from my bestfriend, and it was great news, I still get happy when I think about it! I met my bestfriend, Anna, when we went to the same school, and were to be room-mates, in 99/00, and we became friends right away! So I guess you can imagen that we weren't too happy when the school-year ended and we had to go home! Anna is from Russia, so we don't have the chance to meet up that often. But that is about to change, because Anna applied for - and got - a job in the north of my country, and she has also got the work-permit, so now she only has to apply for a visa, and since she already has the job and the work-permit, that shouldn't be a problem :)

My original plan for today was to stay at home, stay in bed as long as possible, and then go for a long walk with my dog, but instead I found myself going shopping with my mother! I have been trying to go for 2-4 long walks every week for the last month, but it isn't as easy as I expected it to be. But I am definitely going for one tomorrow! Although I amNOT going to get up as early as I did today.

I am so stupid!!! I sit here with a 16oz glass of whiskey, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I am so tired of being depressed, and weak.

I am 50 freaking years old. I have grown kids, 9 grandkids, have lived in two countries, and yet that scrawny 79 yr old makes me feel like I am nothing and I let her. It's so dumb!! I think why not write Dr Phil, but I don't want to make her mad. How very sad. It isn't like she was any sort of major success at anything. She was married twice, no actual career just a regular blue collar worker, no high school graduate, two messed up daughters that feel worthless when she is around. She makes us feel like lousy parents, and worthless humans. Oh sure, to others she says we are just peachy, but to us everything we do is stupid.

To my credit... I have wonderful kids whom I love more than anything and I know they love me. I lived in Germany learning to drive and get around with three kids and most of the time alone while my husband was in the field. I have been married 32 yrs to a man I have never doubted loves me more than anything in this world.

I don't understand why things feel like before I moved out. Asking before I do anything, feeling oppressed. I don't know if she loves me, but I am pretty sure she doesn't like me. She seems to think I lie to her, decieve, hide things, and I don't. If I said it was raining and my 8yr old granddaughter who is 8 says it isn't, I must be lying.

Iwant my Dad back!! I always knew he loved me.