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        couturevixen  39, Female, Wisconsin, USA - 10 entries
    23
    Aug 2007
    5:51 PM EDT
       

    My Crush

    Okay so I know I'm not suppose to be focused on guys right now but a girl can have her eye on someone right? Well I'll start with our first encounter it was like May 2007 and we (cb, j nelly, & I) decided to go see Nas the rapper at the Rave. We got free tickets and backstage access because cb & j nelly's mothers 2nd husband happens to be Nas's first cousin. Cool right so we get dolled up for the concert. I was pretty fresh if I do say so myself. So we at the show I'm not expected to see anyone of interest there because it's nothing but lames in the mill. But as I'm enjoying the show through the smoke crowded club this caramel skinned fly ass dude comes through by his self. He was looking so good. His outfit was on point he was my type of man well dressed, cute face, I'm sure he smelted good. I was speechless but just as quick as he appeared he was gone lost in the crowd. So I kept my eyes open for him through out the show and after. After the show before we went backstage we had to wait till the crowd in the club cleared. We were the last people in the club along with a few others. While waiting me and my friends ignored lame ass dudes trying to get us to kick it with them that night then I spotting him. He was in front of us talking to his friends I watched in amazement I know I needed him. I never been so taking back by a guy in my life. So I contemplated going up to him but I didn't have my phone so I used that as an excuse not to go up to him because what if he wanted me to take his number. I just stared at him trying to maybe catch his eye. When he made eye contact with me I almost melted. It seemed like he was lingering around with his friends for whatever reason. They moved from in front of us to the side of us a couple feet away. As I stared in his direction he kept looking but it was clear I wasn't going to move and either was he. When I finally worked up the nerve to go up to him me were being called back to meet Nas. Damn I fucked up & felt stupid right away. I talked about it the rest of the night feeling dumber & dumber cause I knew I would never see him again because the type of crowd that would be at a Nas show hung out on the eastside & I was off the north side. Plus I had never seen him anywhere. The mill is small but some people did slip through the cracks. He was one of those people. Any who 3 months later I'm on myspace looking at my brothers friend tony's friends list and I see a picture of this cute caramel skin boy wondering who he was I went to his page looked at his picture's and there it was him with one of the guys he was with at the concert with. I froze, then smiled from ear to ear. I found him now I have a way to reach him but now is not the right time in my life. I did however learn his name, learned that he is a college grad, 25 years old, not in a relationship, and is into graphic design. So I'm sure I'll put together some sort of plan to get him. One thing about me is I get everything I want. If one way doesn't work there is always another. I think he could be what I need but I learned through experience NEVER put all your eggs in one basket or get your hopes to high when dealing with people. We shall see what happens.

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        smb  49, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries
    23
    Aug 2007
    12:47 PM MST
       

    Last night was awful. I couldn't sleep... felt like crap and wasn't able to sleep from 1:00 on. I woke up gasping for air, and my heart was racing over 100. It really sucked, I tried to relax and sleep. I was relaxed actually but my heart was just going crazy~ So I tried to go to Dr. Biggs but after they took my BP and it was 176 over 99 they sent me to the ER! I spent 3 hours in the ER and got LOTS of heart tests done that are going to cost me an arm and a leg. Every test looked good but my TSH was high on the blood test. THe ER doc said he thinks I have the early stages of hypothyroidism. He put me on a beta bloker to lower my heart rate and BP. I will see a cardiologist soon.
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        rubierachel  30, Female, Utah, USA - 4 entries
    23
    Aug 2007
    11:46 AM MDT
       

    well, it's oficall, (my spelling stinks lol) my bff is moving...*sob* i cna't beliee ur moving to highland JJ! i just can't! who is gonna ride biks with me to artic circle? who's gonna tease me at church? who's gonna gonna be al the way in highland? :*(
    i dont want u to move JJ!!!! ur the only real bff iv'e ever had! u get along with my wacky family soo well! i mena becasue of ur mom, ur brother (D) is now in laiten...:( and he looked soo cute in his kilt! :*( i just can't believe ur going away! i always thought it would be me moving away from my friends, not my friends moving away from me! i just can't picture u moving away! and some one living in ur house. :***(
    Tags: i just cant belive it!
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        mRsZtw33tyB  35, Female, Nevada, USA - 2 entries
    23
    Aug 2007
    12:44 AM EDT
       

    Learn From Their Mistakes. Today was coo (I guess) :/ I learned that it's okay to be yourself around new people. Like, It's coo to talk to otha people without having to feel guilty ya know? cuz some people + just to be friends + real coo associates. You don't have to like everybody you meet. Cuz I know I flirt alot so..to me that's a good lesson learned. :) Especially when they look "good" or they got gear and all that other materialistics bull-iish. It ain't gone get you nothing but attention, and what ood is that?? And another thing money ain't everything either. I mean of course it sounds good when you gettin everything you want..DUH!! But I mean what good is all those clothes + shoes when you + you're loved one (and /or kids) are hungry or need a place to stay?? Then what are you suppose to do?? I mean I think it's okay to buy a couple outfits and shoes for yourself or whatever(of course) but I think all that stuff should apply when?? 1.You out of yo mama crib 2.You in yo own stable environment(+ you ain't gotta worry about coming bacc) 3.you're fully independant SO SERIOUS!! If none of those 3 apply, they maybe you need to rethink yo life REAL TALK!! Espcially if your PASS teenage years. But hey that's just my opinion you know? Everybody has their own perspective right?? So that's why I'm planning what I wanna be + asking all he possible questions about my career. Becuase I have witnessed several people (who are VERY close to me) that I think in the past were my idols, because then they had something going fot themselves, and they were doing something with their lives. But now their miserable. I'm talking relationship wise, financially, mentially, socially and everything. And In their younger years had great things going for them that's why they were my idols, but somehow they seem to have got on the wrong traks and everything ain't goin so well. : ..( And I hope to come back in the NEAR future and add a more disceet sentence about them maybe even one that has their names in it and says that their doing GOOD at the moment. I DID feel guilty about saying this kind of stuff about my own family but then again I gotta learn from someone's mistakes right?? But it just seems like people procrastinate and say "oh yea imma do dis imma dat" and most of the time it never gets done. And I believe that's why I have a hard time putting my trust in people because I've been sufficated by habituous liars. So, but I do appreciate it + I am thankful for it because every time they slip and drop the ball it reminds me : TO GET THE JOB DONE!! So I won't end up like some of the people I love and care about but I do pray for they I know The Lord WILL come through for me because he always does. Goodnight **3:56 am** Andrea Sims A*K*A Tweety B. {{Smootches}} Chapter 1 Continued. I've realized that watching oher's relationship's ups + downs, that some people just don't change. And when a person is trying to change another person then it only makes the situation worse. Some people actually do change + the person that changed them think it's for the better, but most of the time they don't nessasarily thing about the future. They tendto think about the present. And If they are thinking about the future the closest thing to it is like.. the movis this weekend or some idiotic immature thought like that. Just becuase Im 13 don't mean I don't think about stuff like that I have a brain too I like thinking about serious stuff. But In some cases people prefer to keep (NOT THEIR RELATIONSHIP) but the things they say and do in the relationship private. And that in several ways is a good idea because the only nessassary peice of information worth knowing is that you two are currently together. I mean duh people call their bfffffs to tell them everything that you and you're gf/bf talked about on the fone a couple seconds ago I won't lie I have too because the exitement you get hearing that person's voice and the sweet things they say just accelerates ya know/ so.. But sometimes it's not OKAY to spread ya business to everyone. Some things are just meant to be kept to yourself. So just think about that the next time you hang up with your bf/gf and your about to dial you're bff's number.... Andrea Sims A*K*A Tweety B. {{Smootches}} Get Hight Off Music. W.0.W IT'S LATE Im tired but anywho. ????????????*question*???????????? Have you ever been in a situation (good or bad) + you hear a song + that artist is singing or rapping about the EXACT thing you're going though??(remember good/bad) That;s why I love music. the artists are just expressing how they feel or how they once felt + that's funny because we think "oh they're life is perfect they rich they can NEVER be heartbroken" but really their going though the same stuff we do. And they have feelings too. I mean DUH we're all human. So that's kinda why when something is going on I just get lost in music until my head is clear again. Of course I fee like crying cuz my feelings are eazily hurt (BUT i AIN'T NO WEENIE) But yea, when you feel like giving up, and you really have no one to turn to... just listen to music. And by the way he song doesn't have to be a sad or slow song. It could be a heavy metal type song if you angry or a hip-hop song wit lyrics you can relate to you know?? But I just bock the world and all tha bull-iish out and juss sit down + press play. Just get high off the lyrics..you ain't gotta go out + smoke yo life away, Im tellin you it works! It also relaxes you too. So yea juss remember my advice the next time you goin through it or you on clod 8419817894789. Finf you a happy song that won't bring you down off yo high..lmto Cuz I kno right now Im high as a kight off a bunch of weed..(weed+songs) l0l Andrea Sims A*K*A Tweety B. {{Smootches}} I Promise To Be Better Than Her. Practice what you preace.. what does that mean?? Is it not contradicting yourself or is it just simply giving orders and following them as weel?? Some people say it's plain discipline. Learn From Their Mistakes. Today was coo (I guess) :/ I learned that it's okay to be yourself around new people. Like, It's coo to talk to otha people without having to feel guilty ya know? cuz some people + just to be friends + real coo associates. You don't have to like everybody you meet. Cuz I know I flirt alot so..to me that's a good lesson learned. :) Especially when they look "good" or they got gear and all that other materialistics bull-iish. It ain't gone get you nothing but attention, and what ood is that?? And another thing money ain't everything either. I mean of course it sounds good when you gettin everything you want..DUH!! But I mean what good is all those clothes + shoes when you + you're loved one (and /or kids) are hungry or need a place to stay?? Then what are you suppose to do?? I mean I think it's okay to buy a couple outfits and shoes for yourself or whatever(of course) but I think all that stuff should apply when?? 1.You out of yo mama crib 2.You in yo own stable environment(+ you ain't gotta worry about coming bacc) 3.you're fully independant SO SERIOUS!! If none of those 3 apply, they maybe you need to rethink yo life REAL TALK!! Espcially if your PASS teenage years. But hey that's just my opinion you know? Everybody has their own perspective right?? So that's why I'm planning what I wanna be + asking all he possible questions about my career. Becuase I have witnessed several people (who are VERY close to me) that I think in the past were my idols, because then they had something going fot themselves, and they were doing something with their lives. But now their miserable. I'm talking relationship wise, financially, mentially, socially and everything. And In their younger years had great things going for them that's why they were my idols, but somehow they seem to have got on the wrong traks and everything ain't goin so well. : ..( And I hope to come back in the NEAR future and add a more disceet sentence about them maybe even one that has their names in it and says that their doing GOOD at the moment. I DID feel guilty about saying this kind of stuff about my own family but then again I gotta learn from someone's mistakes right?? But it just seems like people procrastinate and say "oh yea imma do dis imma dat" and most of the time it never gets done. And I believe that's why I have a hard time putting my trust in people because I've been sufficated by habituous liars. So, but I do appreciate it + I am thankful for it because every time they slip and drop the ball it reminds me : TO GET THE JOB DONE!! So I won't end up like some of the people I love and care about but I do pray for they I know The Lord WILL come through for me because he always does. Goodnight **3:56 am** Andrea Sims A*K*A Tweety B. {{Smootches}} Chapter 1 Continued. I've realized that watching oher's relationship's ups + downs, that some people just don't change. And when a person is trying to change another person then it only makes the situation worse. Some people actually do change + the person that changed them think it's for the better, but most of the time they don't nessasarily thing about the future. They tendto think about the present. And If they are thinking about the future the closest thing to it is like.. the movis this weekend or some idiotic immature thought like that. Just becuase Im 13 don't mean I don't think about stuff like that I have a brain too I like thinking about serious stuff. But In some cases people prefer to keep (NOT THEIR RELATIONSHIP) but the things they say and do in the relationship private. And that in several ways is a good idea because the only nessassary peice of information worth knowing is that you two are currently together. I mean duh people call their bfffffs to tell them everything that you and you're gf/bf talked about on the fone a couple seconds ago I won't lie I have too because the exitement you get hearing that person's voice and the sweet things they say just accelerates ya know/ so.. But sometimes it's not OKAY to spread ya business to everyone. Some things are just meant to be kept to yourself. So just think about that the next time you hang up with your bf/gf and your about to dial you're bff's number.... Andrea Sims A*K*A Tweety B. {{Smootches}} Get Hight Off Music. W.0.W IT'S LATE Im tired but anywho. ????????????*question*???????????? Have you ever been in a situation (good or bad) + you hear a song + that artist is singing or rapping about the EXACT thing you're going though??(remember good/bad) That;s why I love music. the artists are just expressing how they feel or how they once felt + that's funny because we think "oh they're life is perfect they rich they can NEVER be heartbroken" but really their going though the same stuff we do. And they have feelings too. I mean DUH we're all human. So that's kinda why when something is going on I just get lost in music until my head is clear again. Of course I fee like crying cuz my feelings are eazily hurt (BUT i AIN'T NO WEENIE) But yea, when you feel like giving up, and you really have no one to turn to... just listen to music. And by the way he song doesn't have to be a sad or slow song. It could be a heavy metal type song if you angry or a hip-hop song wit lyrics you can relate to you know?? But I just bock the world and all tha bull-iish out and juss sit down + press play. Just get high off the lyrics..you ain't gotta go out + smoke yo life away, Im tellin you it works! It also relaxes you too. So yea juss remember my advice the next time you goin through it or you on clod 8419817894789. Finf you a happy song that won't bring you down off yo high..lmto Cuz I kno right now Im high as a kight off a bunch of weed..(weed+songs) l0l Andrea Sims A*K*A Tweety B. {{Smootches}} I Promise To Be Better Than Her. Practice what you preace.. what does that mean?? Is it not contradicting yourself or is it just simply giving orders and following them as weel?? Some people say it's plain discipline.
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        berries7cinnamon  38, Female, Singapore - 20 entries
    22
    Aug 2007
    8:16 AM EDT
       

    i don't think i will ever get used to death. everyone will walk the same path some day in life, yet it's hard to accept.

    today i went to her wake and i kept looking at her big photo that's been placed just in front of her coffin. aunt had wanted a coffin which allowed us to see only her face through the glass. the number of times of me going to look at her through the glass increased.
    we were so near to each other; we were within reach, yet i feel that we were miles and miles apart.

    i told her the truth today and i told her that i love her. i keep telling her so many times in my thoughts, that the words seemed to flow into one and became a feeling for her. a feeling that will always stay with me; my love for her.

    i know there's nothing i can do, yet i couldn't stop my tears from flowing and how much i miss her.
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        shadowlove  35, Female, New York, USA - 60 entries
    22
    Aug 2007
    7:13 PM EDT
       

    I've been ignoring these e-mail... I have no idea why. whatever.
    I got my learners permit today!!! I didn't think I really cared about it but when I learned that I passed I realized that I was SO excited.
    I also saw the movie the Bridge to Terrabithia today... and LOVED it. I've never read that book, but I want to now. The girl in the movie was so adorable!
    Tomarrow I hope I'll be able to go over Amanda's house... I feel like I haven't seen her in forever and I'm looking forward to it!
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        couturevixen  39, Female, Wisconsin, USA - 10 entries
    22
    Aug 2007
    6:47 PM EDT
       

    Let Me Fill You In

    Currently I'm in a weird situation let me back up a couple months from now. March 2007 my parents & I weren't seeing eye to eye on curfew & life in general so they told me and my older to move out. Which we did with no problem it was getting that time anyway but it happened so fast we were about to go out & he told us not to come back only to get are stuff. So we did my brother moved with his girlfriend & I moved with my two friends & there mother in a tiny 2bedroom apartment. Also both of my friends have kids and they are taking care of there nephew. The living situation was cool a little crowded but if you have no other place to go it's cool. Now speed up to the end of July there great grandmother passed and the funeral was in oklahoma so we all planed to go down there. Honestly I didn't feel comfortable going cause it wasn't my family. And a 12 hour car ride with 4 adults, & 3 babies didn't seem appealing. So I asked my parents if I could crash at there house which they were fine with. Any way being there made we realize trying to go to school & work in a house full of people wasn't going to work. My parents were filling the same way and asked me if I wanted to come back home. I agreed but in the meantime my house mates had returned from there trip and didn't brother to call and say they were back so I stayed at my parents house for 2 weeks before I called them and came by the house to get a few things. There other sister had returned with them from the trip and was going to be staying at the house two which meant no room for me anyway. They acted funny when I came by didn't speak bullshit like that. So now it's been about a month and I haven't called or went back. I feel bad but I don't know how to make the situation better. I have to go get the rest of my things from there house this weekend because I start school next week and I need my clothes. Hopefully things go well with that. I still want them in my life but just not like it was. I feel like the path that I want my life to go down they aren't tryna go down thus causing us to grow apart. I'm not sure if things are going to be the same but then again things were headed in a odd direction any way.

    On another note me and my brother who were extremely close haven't talked in almost a month. It brothers me a bit only because I'm use to talking to him everyday. We have been through so much it's weird not having him to share my problems with and just to talk to. But I guess we are grown now so things change when you get grown. Personally I rather be alone but that's so topically for me. I that girl in school that everybody loves to be around because she's the life of the party, pretty, smart, creative, and fun. I like the attention and the friends but deep down I'm empty and I rather be alone because I'm scared to let people in because I feel like I'm living a lie. Every thing I've been through in life I fill like I don't deserve to be happy, I can't be pretty, I'm not smart just got through life on common sense, and no one should want to be around me but I'm going to try and change that in 2008. I want to become more social get out of this pattern of pushing everyone away. That includes trying to get into a relationship with someone because I'm sure I deserve some kind of love and affection. I'm really damaged from seeing all the shit my mom went through with my dad, rasing myself along side of my brother cause my dad had my moms head fucked up and being treated like trash by my dad's family and it's time to address my issues instead of pretending they don't exist. I've considered seeing a professionally & getting there opinion. I'm much better than how I was a few years back. I've learned to love myself and put me first, so I am growing I believe the next step is healing from my past. But I need help in that department I have no clue where to start or what all I need healing from. 2008 will be the year I change my life and myself. I will be taking a test for the united states postal office soon that's $20 an hour. Besides school and that I'm going to start networking for my clothing line, start my portfolio with that and modeling. Actually doing things that make me happy with two middle fingers to anybody who's against that. My personal and love life will be but on pause until I accomplish some of my goals. My plans for the next few months will be working for my dad part time cleaning schools at night, college, the post office hopefully, my clothing line, & remaking me. After I get things in order then I can concentrate on friends and getting a boyfriend becauselove is life andif you miss love you miss life. By Spring 2008 I should have things together.

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        Perdyxox  35, Female, New Jersey, USA - 2 entries
    22
    Aug 2007
    12:18 PM EDT
       

    *YEStERdAY*

    - i ClEANEd -HAdd fUNN -dANCEd -AtE A WHOlE lOt
    i fOUNd OUt ON MYSPACE dAt ASMA WAS tAlkiNG ABOUt ME.
    dAt REAllY HURtS tO fiNd OUt dAt SHE WAS tAlkiNG SHit
    BUt itS OKii... WEll SHE CAllEd tO dAY WEll lOUiSA did && i HUNG UP ONN HER =]] i KNOW i AM MAdd HARSH
    <33
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        couturevixen  39, Female, Wisconsin, USA - 10 entries
    22
    Aug 2007
    10:22 AM EDT
       

    Hi Everyone I'm New Here So I Just Wanted To Say Hi & Tell You A Little About Myself. I'm 21 Years Old, I Am In School For Interior Design. I'm Currently Single But Looking To Befriend Someone & If All Goes Well Turn It Into Something More. Right Now I Have A Crush On Someone But It's Not The Right Timing In My LifeTo Pursue Him Right Now So We Will Get Back To That. In My Free Time I Enjoy Shopping, Writing, Reading, Going Out, Being With My Friends, & Designing Clothing. My Goals For 2008 Are To Start Modeling, Start My Own Clothing Line, Get Into Real Estate, Travel, & Find A Boyfriend. I'm A Cool, Laid Back Simply Girl Who Likes To Have Fun& Enjoy Life. I Was Born In Los Angeles CA, But I Grew Up In Milwaukee WI. I Have 1 Older Brother, My Parents Remarried When I Was 16 After Being Separated For Over 10 Years. I Grow Up Hard But It's Made Me A Stronger Person. I'm A Gemini So I Have Lots Of Personality & I'm Very Outgoing Usually The Life Of The Party. Having This Online Journal Is Important Because Maybe The Things I Go Through Can Help Somebody Else Going Through Similar Situations. I Plan To Be Open & 100% Honest. This Will Be An Account Of My Day To Day Trails & Tribulations. Enjoy.

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        nodeadends  19, Female, New York, USA - 29 entries
    22
    Aug 2007
    9:31 AM EDT
       

    A few more days til the princess'es birthday. All she keeps asking me about is "black" cake. She really means chocolate. When I was pregnant all Curtis ate was cake and sweets,which is what she loves as well.
    Went to walmart yesterday the first cake was 77 dollars crazy for a kid. When I ordered her a cake that was comparable to the first the chick had a foul attitude. She rolled her eyes, when I spelled out princess'es name. I was like bitch whatever you dont have to take my money in my mind of course.
    I also attempted to go to bible study to relieve my stress go figure no one was there. Eli took me to see the apartment again on hobart street, the landlord promises me its mine. I am worried though, it is a decent place. Eli once told me to stop assuming that he want to sleep me cause he dont like me like that. Yesterday he was on me like flies on shit. Begging talking about he will do anything if I just give him some. ugh ! He cant fuck, a generic energizer last longer than him! Yeah he is handsomebut he is an asshole for saying in the past beautiful people like me deserved to be raped. That is the main reason why I will never....
    He is so sorry always claiming he has no money or food.
    on to another subject, James called over the weekend to invite me to a dollar movie. Men are so damn corny, does he believe he can actually win my affections with that invitation. He always tries to get me alone, even after I told him I will never be alone with him. He is so transparent, and self absorbed. He defines himself by his employment. He can lull me to sleep with his constant inflating of his already magnamious ego.
    Curtis and I chatted again about being together I have reservations. Questioning his motives at this point, does he think that laying down with me will prove to be beneficial to him. Not. I love him however, I want more than what we had. In some ways he has changed for the good that is. He is more outspoken. Wonder how he feels about marriage now or are his thoughts still the same. At one time I wanted so much to marry him, but now its likeI dont care. Being with Curtis isnt asroutine as it use to be. And that is all Im saying:) One thing I admire about Curtis is his quiet strength. We must get re aquainted, there are many awkward moments between us. I am often unsure of when to or how to approach him.
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