i feel fine,
comfortable if you will,
you some how make me ill.
over and over i break,
over and over i hate,
over and over,
it's my mistake.
It's my fault.
now im looking up,
the sky seems so full of lust.
over and over i am dead,
over and over bright red tears are bled.
over and over im stuck way up high,
over and over i am ready to die.
so now that� it's over my head.
i must turn my self up and in to the lord.
to protect this shattered heart.
keep the broken pieces still beating,
and never ever leave me.
see over and over,
man will hurt,
but over and over GOD proves his work.
we shatter and break,
over and over THE GOOD LORD,
is our every� comfort.�
so please don't cry.
wipe those tearfs from said eyes.
and turn your head to the sky,
Here's an interesting thought. We don't just need a mental concept of God (info, thoughts, ideas etc.), we need an emotional concept of God, because ultimately our souls overrun our minds (which is
why we often behave irrationally). The idea comes from "Sidetracked in the Wilderness" by Michael Wells.
"The church today is full of unbelieving believers, who with their minds run to God, but with their emotions run away from Him. Much time and effort have been spent persuading people's thoughts to
agree with what Scripture says, but very little attention is give to the emotions, which need equal convincing; an emotional concept of God is just as important as the intellectual view."
So here's a little test I took. Answer the questions as if you were in your worst moment. Firs thing that comes to mind...
1. When I think about being with God I feel.... In my worst moments I don't want to be with God. I'd rather hide, it's all too hard. I am unworthy, distant, hopeless, don't want to talk to him,
feel unacceptable, feel like he's disappointed, aloof. Don't feel like he cares. I'd rather ignore him. He's a priority, a task, a chore, something else that I'm failing at.
2. When I have to trust God, I feel.... uncertain, resentful, I'd rather not have to trust him, I'm not sure if or when He'll come through. Can't rely on Him. He might, He might not, just depends
on something outside of my control. Trusting is not easy. It feels risky. Hard to do. Something I HAVE to do.... Obligated. Cornered.
3. When I think about God I wish... he wouldn't be so ethereal, difficult to grasp and to know, I wish he wouldn't be so invisible, unreachable, uncommunicative, silent, distant. I wish he was more
real...closer, nicer, kinder, more fun, less strict, demanding, more tolerant. I wish he was more approachable. I wish he was like the perfect daddy, who would hold out his arms and I could run
into them, knowing I'd done bad stuff but that it didn't matter. I wish he was more comforting. I wish he didn't just leave me to my own mess but that he would know when I've had enough and step in
and rescue me.
4. Sometimes I get angry with God when ... He doesn't change my situation. When he doesn't change my wife, my staff, my results. I get angry .. more resentful when He holds out on me ... when he
takes off and I can't get in touch with Him. When I'm depleted and empty and in pain and he's not there. I get angry because he makes demands on my life without helping me. It's all a one way
street sometimes. I get angry when I can't do what God wants me to do.... when I can't deliver the goods, can't live up to his high expectations, when I fail him and others. I get angry because he
traps me and there's no way out.
5. It frustrates me when God wants me to... to do the impossible. To live in pain. To meet his expectations. Keep going when I've got nothing left. Keep believing, serving, trying, reading,
praying. Why can't he do something himself? Why do I have to do so much and he doesn't have to do anything? Why does he get to sit back while I work my butt off. Why do I have to change myself, why
can't he change me? It's too hard for me, and a cinch for him. This doesn't make sense!!! It's frustrating building the house, when the Lord doesn't build the house, we labor vainly, but what else
is there to do? He won't do it, so we must!
6. I really enjoy God when... He speaks to me. When I'm worshiping him. When I don't have to pray, serve, read my bible or behave in a certain way, or get results. I enjoy being on holidays and
getting away and being in the wild, watching a sunset. When I'm out of phone range, and away from draining people and when I am confronted by beauty. In stillness, quietness, in reflection. When I
don't have an agenda, or a responsibility or a task. In situations where I can't really get anything done, but I can just be.... I really enjoy God when he does good things without me being behind
it. Spontaneous good. Awesome! I enjoy God when he uses me, when he inspires me, when he shows me the way, when he comforts me, when my paradigms shift, when I understand him better.
7. The one thing I would change about myself to please God is.... throttle myself and go to heaven?? ok no seriously... ummm this one's hard. I'm just a dufus, thick as a brick, a bit of a failure,
I would become more tranquil and heavenly minded.
8. When I think about God's commands I feel... impossible, defeated, go jump, it's too hard, imposing, nuisance, burdened, I'll never be able to do it.... no fun, out of reach..
9. Sometimes I wish God would... turn away. Not look at me. Leave me alone. Stop pressuring me. Just change me. Help me. Not stand around silently. Get involved. Work in me and through me. Help
Himself. Glorify Himself, bless me, give me peace. Lift me up, heal me. Stop being so mysterious and out of reach for the average person. He was more tangible in the bible, but right now he's
playing hide and seek. Show Up! Have a go! Do Something! Anything!
10. I can really depend on God when... When I operate in my gifts. When I let him lead me. When I give him control.
11. In my relationship with God, I'm always sure that He will... never leave me alone. Never give up on me. Always be there. Will be constant. Won't change his mind. Speak eventually. Won't let me
struggle forever. Have a plan for me and a destiny.
12. The one thing that frightens me most about God is... He could get me out on a limb and hang me out to dry. Publicly humiliate me. Embarass me. I could try and do something by faith and He just
might not show up and come through for me...
13. God surprises me when... He does something on his own without me making it happen through travail, prayer, confession, repentance, research, trying, believing... Like a breakthrough somewhere
in my life that I didn't have to contrive. When He changes a paradigm in my mind and I see things totally different. That's cool.
14. One thing I'm afraid God will do is.... Let me crash and burn, go too far and tip me over. Fry me. Push me beyond my limit to cope emotionally or mentally.
Apparently these are pretty standard answers. So it's no wonder the average Christian isn't close to God.