He's making a list … Gonna find out who's ... in the Book of Life?
There's a Christmas song I used to sing as a child about Santa “making a list and checking it twice” … you know the next part. It taught that only the nice got presents but if one was naughty then they'd get only a lump of coal for Christmas. Well the Lord is making a list too [“The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.” - Proverbs 15:3] … those who are His children by the new birth and those who aren't.
I'm not trying to treat this matter with lightness, but to indicate that the account we must give to God is far more serious than Santa checking to see if we are naughty or nice. It would seem that we are ALL on God’s “naughty” list. “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one” – Romans 3:10. If we don’t get put on the “nice” list there is a far worse fate awaiting us than a simple lump of coal – “And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire.” Revelation 20:15
Sound a bit dreary for a Christmas note? The good news is that the very season we’re celebrating is intended to point us to a wonderful gift God provided for each one of us who are on the “naughty list” and wish to be on God’s “nice list” known as the Book of Life. A gift cannot be earned by us no matter how hard we may try to be “nice” or then it would be a wage and not a gift. “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” – Ephesians 2:8, 9
The question then isn’t whether you are “naughty” or “nice” but rather have you accepted this gift? Not sure? Let me explain more about it. I mentioned there is a difference between a wage and a gift. “For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” – Romans 6:23. Taking that into account wouldn’t the gift seem the better of the two?
Christ took upon himself the wage we are due. Interestingly enough the tree we use to celebrate points to the cost of this gift I spoke of. “Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree…” – I Peter 2:24.
If you believe that He has purchased this gift for you then do two things; (1) give up your efforts to win His approval by your actions (Hebrews 6:1 "...repentance from dead works...") as Christ's action on the cross is the only one which bridges that gap between where you are and where He is. And (2) talk to Him about it in prayer. Make this Christmas the one where you received the greatest gift of all. “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.” – John 6:47
So, are you "naughty" or "nice"? Is your name written in the Book of Life? Of the presents you receive this year, there is none greater than the gift Christ offers to you if you will but accept His gift of salvation.
This is my wife and my Christmas message to friends and family. If it is a blessing to you please share it with others.
Wife went off today. Came home and found 8yr old used some of her xmas cards. kid was working away all morning trying to make something for his cousin I think and got roasted for it. She really got stuck into him. Went over it and over it until he started crying. I'm thinking damn, Christmas isn't supposed to be about getting stuck into each other over cards... ok so he is supposed to ask. He says he'll ask next time, but then drop it.
So I open my big mouth and try and defuse the situation by saying, come on lets keep it light. Christmas is about people and he was being generous etc. Well that was like waving a red rag to a bull. And I got both barrells. Suddenly the 8yr old was not the target, I was. Now, i'm not backing up the wife. Even though I totally agree with her, that he should have asked, yes the cards were expensive, yes she had plans for them etc. etc. but i was just sayin try and keep the spirit of Christmas alive here!
Then she accused me of screwing up our kids because we aren't united. I need to read the all parenting books because they all say that apparently. I'm not sure that we're disunited actually, given that I agree with everything she's saying. I'm just disagreeing with getting angry over things, when people and the way we treat them are more important than things. Heck I'll take a second job to buy her more cards just to make her happy.
Well, i tried to explain what i was trying to say. It always happens though. People get jacked at christmas time and start chewin each other out. Why does it have to be that way? Why do people get irritable, stressed and angry at Christmas time? Why is there so much pressure? Surely God gave Jesus at Christmas to reconcile us to him and one another and bring peace on earth. Somehow it has turned out to be war! Then she went right off. She started shouting and yelling and swearing.
Told me that what would I know about trying to raise kids and making a happy family home when I'm screwed up cos I came from a broken home. I tried to explain that because i'm from a broken home, I know what I want. Harmony. Love, peace, people that get along not fight like my parents did and ended up breaking up.
Then she tried a different tack. She said there's no point even talking to me because I'm screwed up in the head and that even though I think I'm making sense I'm not. She said I should go and pop more pills. She is going off regularly now. She was going off when she had her period last. Well that's an excuse. The kids asked me why she was like that, and I said because it's that time of month. But last week, she was going off about having a shit family and that everyone in the family treated her bad and that it was all my fault. I didn't react to that, just called her in the arvo to see if she was feeling better. But today, she wouldn't let go.
I wasn't trying to correct her or point out her failing. I was just trying to lift the atmosphere in the home a bit, because I hate a negative atmosphere. She is so insecure that even a comment like "let's keep things light and Chrismassy" says that I'm accusing her of being a failure. Wish she would deal with her damn insecurity cos it's drivin me nuts. I don't know why we are pissing her off so much. She's always going off at either the kids or me. I just don't know what to do. She reckons if she was in charge of the family, everything would be better... like she's not in charge? I'm certainly not in charge!
Worst thing is she wouldn't stop. After I went to get the kids some lunch (was toasting some cheese on bread for them in the griller) she kept coming into the kitchen chipping away and chipping away and going on and on with it. Well, I had enough. I hurled the empty can across the kitchen and announced to the family that they had a fucked up dad and she had a fucked up husband, that I was totally screwed and I was screwing them all up and they would be better off without me and left.
Whenever she gets into me, eventually I feel like a total waste of space and a failure. I feel like I'm a curse on my families life and that I should hang myself. I wonder what it would be like to have a belt around my neck and to feel the blood flow restricted to my brain and then the blackness. I think it would be peaceful and then I would be free from pain.
My home is like a prison. When she's angry with me it's like torture. I can't rest or recover in my home with her exploding like that. She's like a bomb with a trip wire. None of us know when it's going to trigger, but we all know it's just a matter of time. But for her, we're all to blame, so y'know, it's not her fault. She has no responsibility at all. Actually she's the most perfect person you could meet. So caring, kind, compassionate, empathetic and humble. Just wish it would extend to us.
Don't know why she's so angry... There's a bit of family history there I spose. Her dad had a stroke because of his temper. The difference between marriage and a prison sentence, is at least with prison, you know how much time you have left. Marriage could go on for a loooong time and if it's anything like mine, it will feel like quite a few lifetimes. For some reason, I just either can't improve fast enough for her, or be a certain person, or perform quite well enough. And when I fall short, watch out.
I've cooked every night this week. Done four loads of washing. Looked after the kids. Nearly driven myself into the ground and come Saturday, I'm in the doghouse. What a fucked up life. I'm over my family.
I've seen Twilight 3 times since it's came out. i'm soooo cool.
Anyways. lets talk about the basics.
1.It's 25 days til' Christmas. My parents asked me 'Do we still need to buy you gifts, or are you old enough that we don't have to anymore?'
2.Thanksgiving was... tiring, fake, and never-ending.
3.My apperantice doesn't seem to consume my life as much now. And i'm very happy with that. I'd really like to make friends with someone whom will be MY friend, now my style's friend. =D
4.I'm not dating anyone, and i havnt dated anyone in a long time. I've given up on crushes, they're useless, and all that provide is heartbreak or anger. I'm not super worried right now about that anyways. I'm in high school. Its not i'm middle-aged and have 3 kids. I'll wait for my Edward to find me.
5.I'm writing a 'story' well...more like a book. I'm on chapter 5. And no, i won't be posting any of my book. OR my art. Because all that leads to is people stealing my work.
6.Zia (my ball python) seems to be my only friend latly. Israel is soo immature...well...actually he's quite dumb. He may be a junior, but im a freshman, and he gets angry with me when i talk above his head. My fault? Nope. And Ashley (bff?), well, i'm just not sure. I have a very bad feeling that she is going to leave/give up on me very soon. I try to tell her everything, but she never seems to want to say anything back. She says she's just a 'listener', and not a talker. But i have a strange feeling that that's not quite the truth. That make's me quite sad actually... *blinks eyes to try to hold back crying*
7.I wish my sister was my age. Her being away at College sorta sucks. But, then again it has it's up sides. Her boyfriend lives here with his, and i dont mind that AT ALL because he's awesome, and i love talking to him. He's like a brother. But i like her being away because i can have friends over without worrying if they are gunna wanna hang out with her more than me. (which has happened before) AND i dont have to worry about having my hair done and makeup done all the time, because when she is home she ALWAYS has friends over. I swear, she has like 230924029384 friends. She makes me feel so anti-social. BUT, i like having her home because when she's in a good mood, i love talking to her. And when she's home (and no friends over) we sometimes go places together. And i really love getting out of the house and spending time with her. Getting to know her more would be great. Yet, she never has time for her little sister. =/ I suppose that's the way it is with all sisters, right?
8.it SUCKS because there are a couple things i can't even post on the internet because people would call me crazy or somehow the people who know me from my school or whatever would find it, then tell everyone. It's nothing embrassing, its just, not very humanly.
9.Geez. The Twilight Soundtrack is mezerizing. I listen to it ALL the time. <3
10.I havn't slept in 2 and a half weeks. The last time i slept i dreampt of me walking down a dark street and i heard someone talking to themselves. They were sitting on the curb, i put my hand on their shoulder and then they were just gone...i looked around and tried to find them, i ran until my lungs gave out and i dropped to the ground. Then, i woke. It's scary...i just dont understand what it means.
11.I'm going to go play the piano for a while. i'm getting better at it i think. =]
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