Bitchin out @ the world!

I go back in the room.. and ask him.. "what part of.. I didnt want to have this conversation did you not respect.. or hear." Two strong minded individuals.. one who could care less on the subject and one who feels he needs to whisper his opinions in everyones ear just so that they would listen. He states that what I am telling him was wrong.. and that he was mad because I was telling him stuff that I couldnt speak on. (What kind of crap is that?) he represents the minority of people that are actually trained to use a gun.. and the even smaller minority of people that have been trained by the military.) I on the other hand.. am the john and jane doe's oout there.. the other 7billion of our population.. yet my opinion is invalid. Even though he solicited it when he wouldnt shut up about the issue. Be careful what you wish for.. isnt that how the adage goes? The fact was though he further made a donkeys ass of himself when he stated that .. I had "overstepped my bounds!?" Im sorry.. what kind of bounds are those? Would that be the bounds of me as a woman.. having an opinion... my bounds as his woman, a card carrying opinionator? Lets think about in the past where this phrase has been made.. being that this is black history month I only fnd this appropriate: Rosa Parks overstepped her bounds when she decided that she would not give up her seat. Martin Luther King overstepped his bounds when he decided that we should all be able to live in harmony (they even shot him for it). Brown.. in Brown Vs Board of education overstepped his bounds when he decided that they should recieve the same education as caucasians. The government overstepped thier bounds when censorship was an issue and gambling was deemed illegal. Its been said that Kanye West overstepped his bounds when he spoke out about how he felt about Bush. What do all these situations have in common... the person who stated that the bounds were overstepped are all the ones who had no business doing what they were doing to begin with. So lets just make it clear here and now.. that In overstepping of bounds.. this would only work in a totalitarianist society. Or maybe when in conversation with a facist... now that I think about it he was definately acting like a facist. I always told him that he doesent know how to talk to people.. he treats people like he is supreme beings and they are idiots. Ive only been on the observation end of this behavior until now... I dont plan on being subject to this behavior if it continues. He told me that I disrespect and hurt his feelings sometimes as well.. which is odd because he never seems to say anything. Then he said.. they are my feelings.. if i dont want to tell you then I wont tell you. I mean.. im no dr. phil.. but I was raised to let the people I love know I love them... and the people that hurt me know that they did so.. and that it will not be tolerated. He hurt me.. cut deep... down to my soul.. he rations out his emotions. Rations out his feelings.. and Im not even privy to how he feels. And even then so... he felt no remorse or empathy for how this effected me. That night I told him why.. i hated people shouting at me. Did he even reassure me that it was okay... or apoligize for his outrageous behavior. No, he stood his pompous ground. I dont know if him bringing me tissues.. or something to drink.. was his way of saying sorry.. i dont even want to analyze that situation. Because I shouldnt have to.. It pains me to think that I ever inflict hurt or create disdain with anyone. But thats the difference between he and I.. I personally feel. Ive been through enough.... and Karma is a B!

All I want to do.. is love him.. and be loved. Why must that be so hard? I work so hard to treat people the way I like to be treated and all they do is piss down my back and then attempt to tell me that its raining... IM NOT BUYING IT!

Simplicity.. I require simplicity... RESPECT and Honesty... wow.. now i sound like Aretha! Its funny how the same people we love for one thing.. are the same people that we hate for others. I hate that he cant identify.. and remotely empathize with what im going through. Its like.. hes looking at me.. like cry.. go ahead cry.. get it out of your system. And if he does.. he has a heck of a way of showing it.. funny that it makes me cry even at work thinkin about this who scene...

I love him.. he hurt me.

But as ol' dude would say on 103jamz... "WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THAT? "- Otis.

Thursdays are always such refreshing days for me...

i sleep in until the whee hours of the evening.... but this thursday he and i both have off.. i havent spent a whole day with him since i had surgery... and at that point i was just boning him.. .because.

Well..J called me today... asking me if i rememberd a scratch on the rear of his precious08 mbenz... i told him no. I think that was part of his problem.. he wanted to keep things perfect.. life isnt perfect.. im not perfect.. and he cant protect me from dings all my life! He never did understand that i could take care of myself... sure its nice that he occasionally paid this or that.. which mean that i had more money to spend on inportant stuff like me! lol.. but he incapacitated me... when he paid all my bills for that one month... i didnt even know what to do with myself. I cant have a man that enables me to be wreckless..... if you want to do something special. take me on a shopping spree... dont pay all my bills and send me raving mad with 5gs in the bank that month (i made bonus.. too at work) and set me free.

Ive concluded that i miss different men in my life for different reasons... as follows

i miss the man that planned getaways.. for he and i

i miss the man that sent me flowers to my job...

i miss the man that bought me flowers every month just to remind me of a fresh start..

i miss the man who would.. think of me in randomness.. and purchase a really great book that he knew id love..

i missed the man.. now that theres ice out.. who cleared my windshield of ice.. because he knows i hate doing it.

i miss the man who.. doded on me with his gentle touch and expressions of his love..

i miss the man who.. loved me.. with all my inperfections.

i guess looking at this list.. i miss the menwho were creative in thier ways of expressing the ways in which they cared about me.. and for me.

i love creative men.. every action they do.. says it was with you in mind that i did this.. not just some random.. thing that all men do.

sos.. surprised me the other day in his semi randomnesss... got me a little doggie that looked like taurus.. wasnt much.. but it meant that he was inspired by this object.. and thought of me. that means alot.. especially with his recent attempts to communicate a sense of emotion.. with his gazes and tender kisses in the morning.. wonder if he will progress into being as random as i? i thought that hed get the hint... when i started in my randomcreativeness... but he didnt.. you can lead a horse to water but you.. (lol.. cant make em.. drink!) guess the adage is true... i guess hes just enjoying being thought of.. but damnit.. he needs to remember.. that its a two way street.

cap keeps annoying me.. i think ill be nice and tell him a final lie to put him out of his misery.... id rather lie than tell him that his obsession with me is totally unfounded.. and since we have never even kissed id think that he would get that through his head.. i guess its my fault though since im the one who egged him on to send me cumshots.. since he always said he thinks of me when he masturbates.. who cares.. but man do i laugh my ass off when i see his tiny dick.. (he holds it between his thumb and forefinger.. its so small.)

well... thats it for now.. brain hurts.

So my sos.. had his polygraph today.. he was majorly stressed.

like on the level that triggered Bruce Banner to turn into the HULK. lol

I wonder if he he did turn into the HULK if he would pick me up like dude did in the hulk.. and possibly perform some mind blowing oral on me? lmao. me and im imagination.

So Tauri and I chilled at his place. took him for a walk..hes finally gotten used to me being the man. Ahem! Still jealous of me... and my sos... .dosent like it when i give him too much attention.. nor does he like it when he gives me attention.. So it breaks down to this. in his mind i think. "Man.. you pay attention and love on me.. Woman.. you pay attention and love on me. NOT eachother!"

He got home that evening.. and tooted his own horn at his success. and asked me how would i like rolling with a vb police officer... now i am and always have been the whips chains handcuff type of gal. but i think the baton will have to stay outta the bedroom. lol. nevertheless not a bad vision. However still skeptical on his issues with past women. yea it hurts to be shitted on. This i understand more than most.. but i think he dwells on it entirely too much... sometimes i think hes just waiting for me to betray him. or piss him off.. waiting.. waiting. ok. enough already!

So. i finally cussed dude out. for calling me at all hours. he knows that im entertaining the time of sos. but feels that his tiny pale dick that graces my cell phone text messages. will make me want him.. lmao. never did.. never will.. not tomorrow.. never so chill!

still stuck on finding love.....

Fall
Fall

Not in love..

But for me.



Fall for my imperfections,

Fall for the look in my eyes,

when they land on you.



Fall..

Not in love,

But for me.



Fall for the dimple in my left cheek..

for how strong I am..

Until you make me,

Unsure of me..



Fall not in love but,

For me,



Fall for the imperfections,

My secret jealousy..

That?s not so secret.



Fall for me,

Fall for the time we spend entangled

In each others web,



Fall for..

My heart,

As it has for you.



Fall,

For me.



Not in love,

But in the possibility.

Fall for me

Jay called.. said he was remember how great we were in bed together..

while he and i had amazing sex..

it was just that.. sex..

never had a fuck buddy without emotional ties before..

he was the first...

closed that chapter..

we would have made beautiful kids together though..