dont yuu ever wish that yuu can change this world around, or yuu can start yuur life again.
i just want to move out of my house to start over, event though i would leave people i love, it would be harder if i was with them. i dont know what to do. should i or
~letters start with "ABC" numberts start with "123" music starts with "do-re-mi" and love starts with
"yuu and me"~�� i think i love my best friend
!TS B@D ENUF ! H@VE MY OWN F@M!LY @G@!NST ME BUT 2 H@VE D@ 1 ! TRULY LOVE AND C@RE @BOUT DOUBT!NG MY LOVE 4 H!M !S D@ WORST FEEL!NG ! CULD FEEL
R!TE NOW. KIND OF CR@ZY 2 S@Y BUT ! R@THER WORK OUT TH!NGS W!T D@ 1 ! LOVE DEN 2 KEEP ON TRY!NG 2 PLE@SSE D@ 1'S D@T RE@LLY DNT C@RE. !T HURTS ME 2 TELL H!M ! LOVE H!M BUT ! CNT RE@LLY PROVE !T CUZ
! CNT RE@LLY C H!M ND !T HURTS ME 2 HE@R H!M OR EVEN C H!M UNH@PPY. HE JUS DNT KNW ! WULD DO N E TH!NG 2 M@KE H!M H@PPY ND 2 SHOW H!M ! RE@LLY LOVE H!M SO HE C@N STOP DOUBTING ME EVRYT!ME ! DNT
REMEMBER 2 S@Y ! LOVE U OR ! DNT C@L ON T!ME OR ! DNT @NSWER ON T!ME. !TS NOT L!KE ! 4GET 2 S@Y ! JUS @!NT GOT COMFORT@BLE W!T S@Y!N !T YET CUZ ! DNT W@NN@ OVER USE !T OR USE !T @ D@ WRONG T!ME ND
!T M@KES H!M EXPLODE OR GET UPSET. !DK ! GUESS !M JUS SC@RED OF GETT!N 2 CLOSE W!T SUM1 @G@!N BUT ! FEEL D@T D!S !S D!FFERENT ND ! W@NN@ KEEP BEL!EVE!NG !T. BUT ! F!N@LLY RE@L!ZED D@T !TS NOT @
CURSE D@T KEEPS H@PP!NESS 4RM B3!N MY FR!END...!TS MY F@M!LY ND D@TS FUCKD WEN PPL JUS H@VE HELL EVRY ONCE !N @WH!LE OR ON CERT@!N D@YS BUT NOT ME ! H@VE HELL EVERYD@Y ND D@TS !F !M NOT ON D@ PHNE
W!T MY LOVE. MY LOVE !S @M@Z!NG HE M@KES ME FEEL L!KE ! H@VE LESS WORR!ES. D@TS Y ! LOVE MY LOVE.
Well there really is not much to
say there is alot going on in my life and I dont really know what to do about all of it...I am back to cutting and that sucks... I have had a few slip ups in the last few weeks which is not good..
But its okay..Me and kris are doing okay.. and all of viv's puppies are growing up to be beautiful! I love my vivvy... and now we have star trigger anna bell bear and trey... all of which I will
have to sell soon... but I think that scott is going to get to keep trey... He is really excited especially with me and kris moving out soon!!! I HOPE,,,, Mom kicked us out agian but as normal she
was all Im sorry by the end of the day... I love my kris kris but we are fighting alot lately.. I dont really know what to do about all that.. I have tried talking to he that doesnt really help
any..just makes her mad that seems to be what I am good at... I really dont know what to do anymore... But it is okay we will work through it like we work through everything,, I know we will.... I
am starting to talk even if it will make her mad.... i am at the point that if I have something that I want to say I am going to say it... I really am getting better... i dont really know what to
rant anything else about so I guess Im gonna go ahead and get off of here...atleast everyone knows i am kinda sorta alive... LOVE YALL....
So, I have been up all night.� Again.� I really should be going to bed more.� I live with the most wonderful man, that I love more than I know how to say.� Yet, most nights he goes to bed alone,
and I stay up.
I could go to bed now, but I know I'll just disturb his sleep.� So I postpone. I'll wait until it's nearly time for his alarm, then I'll go and cuddle him - and then I'll finally fall asleep.
In a way, it's better this way.� I know he sleeps better when I'm not tossing and turning and fidgeting next to him.� And I sleep when I would otherwise be on my own here.� And then we get the
evening together.� So, it's not all bad.� It's probably for the best.
Except, that isn't the reason I don't go to bed with him.� I stay up because I'm terrified of going to bed, and trying to sleep in the dark, and having nightmare after nightmare, and lying awake in
the dark full of anxiety I can't dispell.
So tired.� So very damn tired.
If only being tired was enough to enable me to sleep.
Well I'm enrolled in school & my 1st day was scary, exciting, and my start to a positive 2008. My class ended early 6:30 & my mother didn't come pick me up until 8:47pm. I was
pissed and then if shit couldn't get any better we got a flat tire down the street from the school. My ass hole poor excuse for a man dad was trying to tell my mother to deal with it on her own
instead of being a man & coming right away to get us. These are the reason the hate in my blood for him runs so thick. Gratefully the tow truck came in less then a half hour. I'm home now
feeling good still that I'm in school. Can't wait until tomorrow. Class is from 6:30 to 9:25pm. I seen one cute black dude well dressed to but I'm not interested I'm focused. One black dude tried
to get at me. He cool much older then me but he is not my type at all. Not many black people out in mequon but I see some girls who may be cool to get to know. This should go well. Looking forward
to the growing experience that this will bring.
i never had patience
and i dont like waiting
being in a line
or waiting for assistance
for whatever the reason may be
i always wait for something
but no one waits on me
i wait to die
i wait to cry
i wait to fall asleep
im waiting on my dad
to pull his head out of his ass
but he refused to wait on me
I've begun classes! Well, technically I started in January. I'm taking Microbiology and Psychology. Micro is very interesting, at least the new stuff is. They still are going through some biochem
that I learned in high school. But soon, they will start on material that is new to me. We've been growing specimens in the lab and it looks like soon we'll be able to view them under the
microscope. That's very cool. I just hope I do well on all the tests.
Psychology is... well, psych is not so interesting. I'll make it through. The professor is not too bad. :)
The hiking trip has been pushed back to 2010, which is upsetting, but necessary for financial reasons. Hopefully we'll be able to save all we need to go and be headed out that March or June.
I've been facebooking a little on my new internet connection. I tried for a while with AT&T DSL but it proved to be too sketchy a connection. I now have gone back to my nemesis Charter
Communications. Hopefully our relationship will be better this time around.
Work is going well. That's about all I can say about it. It's a little hard going both to work and dedicating time that used to be free to school, but I'm coping.
Adam hopes to be coming up for a visit either in March or April. As always, I look forward to him being here. We connect on levels that are unique from most of my other friends. Too bad I'm not
gay. We might make a good... nah, we'd make a terrible couple :). LOL!
Or it could mean I'm just a tad unusual. :)
On the girl front. I'm still not really looking but being passively interested. To tell the truth, if I trust my instincts, I'd say there have been several people I could have asked out already.
Assuming that is I still remember how to ask someone out. LOL! But I haven't. I guess I should be asking myself "why?", but I think my answer would just involve a lot of psycho babble. I'm good at
giving myself psychobabble as you know.
I've been reasonably content lately. Especially the month or so Elias was on the wagon. Things may be headed for fouler weather in that department, but I'm hopeful that we'll see the sun again.
David's getting married. I'm a little hesitant about the girl, but that may be only because I don't really know her that well. One thing is for sure, if David is happy, I'm happy for him. He
deserves a special someone. I just hope he's up to the challenge. I wouldn't want to see him hurt the way I was. He came to me asking what he should do when he got into his old "shiftless" mood. I
tried to be supportive and suggest that if he felt things were moving too fast to talk with Megan and perhaps slow things down a bit. To my great surprise he did talk to Megan and apparantly felt
much better afterwards without the need to upset the plans they'd already made. That's Great! Just the fact that he felt comfortable enouogh to talk to her tells me a lot about their relationship.
I think this may actually be the one for him. :)
Okay, that's it for now. I should be in bed already.