I went out with N. and his friend last night. Our first real outing since I started living with him last week. I have not written to W. yet but with N. having friends up this weekend I am staying elsewhere and have time to get that done. It will not be a pleasent thing to do but I know it must be done. I have not spoken to him since Tuesday and even that was brief. I feel bad but no longer feel the love for him that he deserves...perhaps that is just what people say to avoid feeling like shit when they hurt someone...they deserve better. I have always had a place in my heart for N. and I never thought I would have this chance to be with him...I have it now and must see what the fates of the world holds for us. I do love W. as well but not like I should. The divorce is going to hurt him and I can't do anything about it. N. says that W. will find someone more suited for his lifestyle...I am lost in knowingf what I need to do for me and not wanting to hurt anyone in the process.
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