soo...connor is coming today. in nine hours...more or less. oh my god. what have i done? what the hell have i
done? i know that this isnt a good idea....i know that it isnt...but i did it anyway. why didi do it? do i still love him as much as i sometimes think that i do? IS this just a booty call? is that
what we have become? is that what three years means to him (and to me) now? i dont think that i am going to be ok with this but hey...i got myself into this...im going to have to get myself
out....what if he died on the way here? No…I don't want him to die…of course not. also….f*ck.
how do you tell someone that you simply don't enjoy their company? I mean, I know that you can't really just...say that. Or I can't, at least. A friend keeps asking me out to dinner, to his house,
to the movies. (This is the one who confessed his love for me, and also the one that i firmly turned down.) He knows how I feel and yet he won't give up and he won't take no for an answer. I don't
want to be mean to him, he really is a nice (if socially inept) guy. Same with james...he won't give up either. My other guy friend informed me that the only way to really stop a guy is to be
absolutely against any kind of attention from them, even if it hurts them. Maybe he's right and I'm just leading them on. But really, can't i just make it clear that i don't want to be in a
romantic situation with them and then get on with the friendship instead of shutting the whole thing down? all i have are guy friends, it would be greatly appreciated if they stopped acting like
hormone driven imbeciles. The first guy is nice, but really...i could handle never seeing him again. the other is honestly my best friend...it hurts that he can't ignore his dick for five seconds
and realize that having a guy all over me isn't what i need right now. ok...enough of a rant...where's a scantily clad 18 year old girl with more than half a brain and at least a little curiosity?