scarlett's Journal

 
    
16
Sep 2007
2:42 PM EDT
   

i am so sick and tired of this. i am so confused. people ask me all these questions and i have to respond with "i don't know." i just don't know.i love him and i hate him and i loathe myself.
i see these scars and im glad that i have them. is that sick or what? i tell myself that it's because the scars are the only things that stopped me, in the end. but i think i like having a story to tell about the pretty little parallel stripes. the only story that i will never have to tell because everyone has heard it before. or at least because they think they have. even before i open my mouth, they know who i am and what im about to say. I use their assumptions to prove how much more astute i am in comparison. my story belongs to me and me alone and only i will judge my values before really listening to what i have to say. but i guess i am like everyone else. i make my judgement, order my sentence and close the case before i even speak a word. that is hardly fair.
as for the scars he gave me: they aren't important. they are shame and they are bliss and they are fleeting and healed. i pretend that that is why we ended. that that is the proof i need to feel justified. but, in truth, they are like remembered kisses. some would say he was my judas, i would say he is my romeo: every kiss doomed and sweet and full of pain and thorns.

im going to therapy on tuesday. finally. i am hopeful for change but expect none.
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scarlett's Profile

  • Username: scarlett
  • Gender / Age: Female, 35
  • Location: Bahamas
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    SCARLETT's Interests:

    About Me: Bahamian. Boarding School in CT. Davidson College.

    Interests: theatre. bio. books.

    Favorite Music: Anything.

    Favorite Movies: Requiem for a Dream. The Prestige.

    Favorite Television: L Word. The Big Bang Theory. Family Guy. Elfen Lied.

    Favorite Books: Everything.