dee23's Journal

at last i saw the gynacologist and he said i need a hysterectomy .well that was all well and good he booked me in for feb 2nd then that very same day phoned me up to tell me they are now doing it this thurs . O M G ! so this then sent my mind into overdrive do they know something i dont why so fast ? last thurs was the first time i saw him this thurs i will be in having my op . well at least the years of pain will come to an end very soon i cant wait .they said it will give me a new lease of life well i hope it does . i even put up my christmas tree early just so i can decorate it as i wont be able to after the op .so i dont think i will be on here for a while but i will be back soon

life sucks at times and when your down in the dumps every thing sucks even more than before .i have had the most boring week of my life so far and i cant stand just sitting arround with nothing to do and no one to talk to .i talk to the dog so much i think one day soon she will talk back to me .i hate this time of year dark days and even darker nights when your nearly blind it realy is dark all the time .in the summer months at least i can see a bit better to get out of the house but now i'm stuck here alone again and they wonder why i get deppressed. it's simple i'm lonley i long for conversation and friends i long for a normal life i long for sight back but most of all i long to who i was not what i have become .

i never thought i'd see the day that i was counting the days till i see a gynagoligst but here i am 37 in so much pain that i cant wait to see him with a bit of luck they can sort this out once and for all .besides that thinks are not so bad here for once my other half still has a job my son is starting his exams this week and me well the same as always nowt to report just sit here day in day out going round the bend bit by bit never mind could be worse atleast thats what i keep telling my self

well another week over and done and i'm mot bankrupt yet still keeping head above water still managing to the bills so thats one less thing to wory about . next thing is the xmas word god knows what were going to do about it this year, but one thing for sure i'm not going to make my self ill with worry over it .apart from that every thing else is ticking by nicely i have my appointment for the gyny  at last so now at least i know that some one will finally sort things out for me .well not much else to say so see ya later

sick cant describe the way i feel right now my other half has just rang and told me they are cutting his hours at work .wonderfull we can just say manage to pay the bills now so god help us now thanks to the allmighty cock up with banks and the govenment looks like we will have no christmas this year .i know there are thousands of pepole in the same boat but i dont know what the hell to do now cant see way out of this at the mo so i'm going to leave it there to phone round and sort this shit out .

why is it that people can go to the nhs and have breast reductions and tummy tucks just because they used to be fat and nothing is said yet i need hysterectomy and have to go throught all sorts of things just to get a refferal to the hospital this is something that is affecting my life so badley that i have no quailty of life right now and hardly dare leave the house .yet my sis lost six stone well done her but she whent in seen the gp and came out with a refferal for the hospital for something that is none urgent i dont belive should be done on the nhs when hundreds of people need operations and are in a lot of pain .they say it affects them mentaly well how do you think i feel it's not right i just want my life back so i can be normal again but instead they say well try this and try that it's ok for them it's not destroying there life but it is mine .

I have to say i have never felt so lonley in all my life I feel as though i'm living ground hog day .every day the same slowley going insane .i cant stand to watch the news any more like i need them to keep telling me the country is in the shit and no one has any money well welcome to my world the mps wouldn't know where to start if they had to live on income as low as ours and yet they dont do anything to help the every day working family the goverment seem to just expect the tax payers to pick up the bill for the allmighty cock up they have allowed to be created.then they sit in there warm homes paid for by us and tell us to cut how much we spend on food and heat lets see what they would do if some one pulled the rug from under there feet lets see them work for minimum wage and i bet you would see the whole lot of them cry out it cant be done so i say stuff the lot of them thanks for making a crap life even worse and i hope santa brings you spoilt kids a bag of crap and you can allways tell them well dear blame gordon brown the one no one voted for the one no one wants and the one who has no idea how to save our country from going down the toilet well done gordon hope you never get back into power and heres to a vote of no confidance in you ,you pathetic little man .

home alone yet again my son is away with friends for the week end  and my other half is at work again.So that leaves me and the dog again my life has become so dull since i retired i dont know what went wrong .I realy do need to get out more but thats a bit hard when your nearly blind and need some one to stop you becoming a hedge hog on a  car tyre ah well never mind another day nearly over and i'm nearly a year older I'm waiting to see if any one remmbers it's my birthday this tuesday no one has mentioned it so lets see if they remember i will let you know

well things cant get much worse so i'm waiting for it to get better thats what they say when you hit rock bottom theres only one way left to go and thats back up.so here i am sitting in anticipation of what life is going to throw at me next and guess what no matter what it is i;m just going to smile and get on with it life is too short for self pity if you sit round feeling sorry for your self then one day you will drownd in and i'm too good a swimmer for that they say these things are sent to try us well they definatley are very trying

well the winds of change are blowing alright in this house and every thing needs to change .i'm still waiting to see where this relationship is going as he still has not gave a definate answer as to what he wants .well we all know he wants his cake and eat it but there is only one choice not both but now cheating is the genes acording to some man that done a small research in switzerland well it might be in the genes but dont they have morrels too and a sense of right and wrong or are all men just lead by  thr dumb stick