Holly's Journal |
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View Holly's private journals |
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Total public posts: 36 |
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Thursday - Jun. 28, 2007
- 3:34 AM - EDT
- #30
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I am in soooo much pain right now! I had an EMG test yesterday to measure nerve inflamation. The neurologist put wires on different parts of my body, then shocked me all over with this thing that looked like a stun gun. He recorded the results on a laptop with a bunch of graphs on it. Ifmy nervesweren't inflamed before, they are now! I feel like I am still being shocked.
I saw my new therapist today. He was nice.
I wrote a letter to George. He called Pat yesterday and said he was still mad at me. He was the one that picked a fight with me two days before my cat was scheduled to die! But I was very fair in the letter. I said we both made mistakes. Let's just drop this petty stuff. I didn't tell him, butI am sick of being the "noble" one.
I am sick of being brave too. I recieved a letter from disability the day the cat died. They are investigating me for the first time in over 2 years.If I don't fill out the form correctly and return it, they could cut off my disability. I tried to fill out the form that night but I messed it up. I have to call them for a new one. I was just looking for the form. I found it in a box of papers in my closet. I tried to putthe boxback in my closet, but all the papers fell out. Something snapped in me. I wanted to scream, but didn't, because I didn't want to wake Pat up (it was 3AM). I wanted to beat things with my dollar store cane that I can't use because the rubber tip wore off. I wanted to run down the street in my pajamas, but I can't run anymore. I picked up the papers from the floor, the bookshelf, everywhere. I was breathing so hard I was afraid I would hyperventilate. I went downstairs and sat in my favorite chair, eating a banana and telling myself to calm down.
I can be brave for the big stuff. It's the little things that get me.
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Wednesday - May 23, 2007
- 3:50 PM - EDT
- #17
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I am wearing my Superman shirt. Actually on me it is a Superwoman shirt. It's kinda funny having this big S on my chest. It could stand for slut (which I am not - only been with Pat for the past 10 months), silly (which I am, no question), stupid (huh? No I ain't stupid), singer (whichI am I just don't get paid enough), syco (I know it is spelled wrong. Are you out to get me or something???), sick (cough, cough), snotty (that doesn't even justify an explaination), stupendous (now we are getting somewhere), or so bored that I have to make up things about my shirt.
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