Holly's Journal

Jun 2007
11:34 PM EDT

I am in soooo much pain right now! I had an EMG test yesterday to measure nerve inflamation. The neurologist put wires on different parts of my body, then shocked me all over with this thing that looked like a stun gun. He recorded the results on a laptop with a bunch of graphs on it. Ifmy nervesweren't inflamed before, they are now! I feel like I am still being shocked.
I saw my new therapist today. He was nice.
I wrote a letter to George. He called Pat yesterday and said he was still mad at me. He was the one that picked a fight with me two days before my cat was scheduled to die! But I was very fair in the letter. I said we both made mistakes. Let's just drop this petty stuff. I didn't tell him, butI am sick of being the "noble" one.
I am sick of being brave too. I recieved a letter from disability the day the cat died. They are investigating me for the first time in over 2 years.If I don't fill out the form correctly and return it, they could cut off my disability. I tried to fill out the form that night but I messed it up. I have to call them for a new one. I was just looking for the form. I found it in a box of papers in my closet. I tried to putthe boxback in my closet, but all the papers fell out. Something snapped in me. I wanted to scream, but didn't, because I didn't want to wake Pat up (it was 3AM). I wanted to beat things with my dollar store cane that I can't use because the rubber tip wore off. I wanted to run down the street in my pajamas, but I can't run anymore. I picked up the papers from the floor, the bookshelf, everywhere. I was breathing so hard I was afraid I would hyperventilate. I went downstairs and sat in my favorite chair, eating a banana and telling myself to calm down.
I can be brave for the big stuff. It's the little things that get me.
1 comment(s) - 03:56 PM - 07/02/2007
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Holly's Profile

  • Username: Holly
  • Gender / Age: Female, 49
  • Location: USA - New York
    HOLLY's Interests:

    About Me: ecclectic eccentric

    Interests: guitar, songwriting, singing, painting art, reading, gardening, creative writing, hanging out with my 12 year-old daughter

    Favorite Music: absolutely anything

    Favorite Movies: Finding Nemo, Rat Race, Mary Poppins

    Favorite Television: I don't watch tv

    Favorite Books: fantasy, science fiction, and artist biographies