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    martytx07  37, Male, Texas, USA - 53 entries
19
Jan 2009
5:09 PM CST
   

I came out to one person!!!!!

Yay!!! I came out to one person! I'm just happy!!! :D

    NoDeadenz  21, Male, New York, USA - 84 entries
19
Jan 2009
6:53 AM EDT
   

Rolling with the punches

not much is happening this morning, didnt sleep well x.e. had her legs and arms all over me. I still feel tired and dj is up to his normal shit nothing. always off task. thinking of him, missing "him" his bday is tomorrow.Want him bad, am feeling nervous. Alot of what ifs are playing in my mind. Iam trying to maintain a positve attitude about this situation. Counting down the days til we are together and Iam were I want to be, which is with him in his arms, kissing him touching him and putting this fire on him lol. Iam ready,� now I have somethings to work on like my temper which is off the chart. I need to work on effectivley communicating without getting stank and cursing like a damn fool. Hope Iam not addicted to raging as phylicia eluded to. Iam scared, nervous and excited.! I kind of feel as if I only have one shot to get this right. I have to put my trust in a source that is greater than I on this one. I have prayed and find great solace in doing so. Prayer calms me down and quiets the voices in my head! I aint crazy or nothing but I have a lot of negative thoughts @times. I dont know what to expect, this is different for me I usually can predict the outcome.� He says he has a suprise for me tried to weasel it out of him didnt work.

Talk to my ex husband� this morning and realized how much he is the same. I feel sorry for him. I wanted to talk to him about Isaiah but didnt. Because�the outcome wont change. He will burn in hell�b4 he admits the truth. I guess he thinks he is hurting me. Not so. he is just making an ass of himself and when david grows up and finds out..... I feel sorry for Ivan. David is a great kid, with a ever growing brilliant mind! He'll be doing like Shaq's father, but its going to be to late. He claims to still love me, but�how can this be true when he doesnt love his only child. It hurts me when he talks about how well he is doing and the things he's doing with other people but doesnt have time to allocate to his only child.�There is no place for david in his life, but hey a sista cant stay here. He is our past I refuse 2 live in the past, he is who is and Iam powerless� over this shit. Gotta keep it movin, roll with the punches.


    Kitten  69, Female, California, USA - 88 entries
19
Jan 2009
3:26 AM PDT
   

Delivering Dan

Saturday morning started just like it usually does. The call came just as we were heading out the door for our walk.

Dan hadn't gotten far from our house when he drove his car blindly into the curb. The tire blew out, the rim was ruined and after Bear put the spare on we found that the damage was much worse - the spare was on right but it was crooked, oh crap! How much is this going to cost?!

As the story goes (as always) it wasn't his fault, the window was fogged up and the sun blinded him completely so when he made the left onto McDowell he just couldn't see where he was going and hit the turned out curb for the bus stop. Ok, now what?

He has to get to work, I go back home to borrow his brother's car so he can get going. He & Dad wait for the tow truck which will take his car to BigO. He heads off to work while we handle everything - as usual.

Long boring story cut short: BigO says it'll be $2500 to repair. The car isn't worth that much - not that he has it in the first place! Ok, now what? He has to have a car.

Dan & Dad went out on Sunday and got him another. It's very sharp. Hope he can make the payments...

Why am I writing about this? Because what occured to me is that as soon as�we took his call�about what happened, his problem became OUR problem! Why is that?�I/We don't know how to stand back and watch our�children suffer.�And - he isn't even a child, he's 21, he should be handling his own problems!

I keep writing (ranting) about what he should have done, what he should've known, then I backspace it out!�I'm not getting to what I'm really trying to get at here.

What are my feelings?

I'm mad, I'm resentful. He ruined my day, I didn't get to exercise and then I worried all day after that. The thought "what is he going to do?" kept buggin me.� All his recent screw-ups came flooding in to cloud up my thoughts and keep me from dealing with the here and now. I feel like I'm being overwhelmed with worries.�

1 - My dog�is dying.

2 -�My father is mourning.

3 - now this!!

As I look at it now it really doesn't seem like it should be overwhelming.�I've outlined�them�extremely short, each issue, on it's own, is very intense. Understand all the attachments to each one, there is too much!

I'm bummed, that's it.


    Jennifer4907  35, Female, Texas, USA - 2 entries
18
Jan 2009
9:08 PM EDT
   

JAN 18 2009 TODAY STARTED OFF AS A BAD DAY. MY FATHER CALLED AT 10:00 THIS MORNING AND WOKE MY HUSBAND AND I UP. ALL HE CALLED TO DO WAS BITCH ABOUT A CAT THAT I GAVE TO A FRIEND OF MINE, AND THE CAT ENDED UP DOWN THERE AT MY DADS HOUSE WELL THE CAT HAS BEEN OUT IN THE WILD FOR ABOUT 7 MONTHS NOW.SO HE HAS LEARED TO SERIVE. MY DAD TOLD ME THAT I NEED TO COME PICK HIM UP CAUSE HIS FIGHTING WITH ALL THE OTHER CATS AND DOGS THEY HAVE.SO I TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD BE THERE AS SOON AS I COULD GET THERE. WELL MY HUSBAND AND I HAD SOMEWHERE WE HAD TO BE, SO ON THE WAY BACK HOME WE STOPED BY MY DADS TO PICK UP THE CAT. I KNOCKED A FEW TIMES AND NO ONE CAME TOO THE DOOR SO I JUST GRABED THE CAGE THEY SAID THAT PUT HIM IN. WHEN I GOT SOMWHERE MY PHONE WOULD WORK I CALLED MY DAD TO LET HIM KNOW THAT I PICKED HIM UP. MY DAD SAID THAT HE WOULD COME OUT TO THE HOUSE TO PICK UP THE CAGE. WELL THEY STAYED FOR A LITTLE WHILE. AND WHEN THEY LEFT I WENT INSIDE TO COOK DINNER FOR MY HUSBAND. WHEN WE WERE DONE EATING WE WATCHED A MOVIE. THEN HE WENT OUTSIDE TO WORK ON HIS TRUCK. AND NOW TWO OF HIS FRIENDS ARE OVER AND ONE OF THEM I DONT REALLY CARE FOR AND THE OTHER DOESNT KNOW WHAT THE HELL HE IS TALKING ABOUT MOST OF THE TIME. WELL I'M NOT FEELING ALL THAT GREAT SO I'M GOING TO HEAD TO BED SO GOODNIGHT YALL. JENNIFER

    NoDeadenz  21, Male, New York, USA - 84 entries
18
Jan 2009
4:12 PM EDT
   

Every body want to let go

My father� called and am unsure how we� got on the topic of my childhood. However I cursed his ass out, he had it coming and told my sister a couple weeks ago that�I was going to go off on him. I had been harboring ill�feelings for him for years. Once prior I had told him how I�really felt. But this time I just let it� all�go! I mean everything! From him locking the cabinents, to his wife�mistreating me by slamming me into a stereo and scarring me for life. He says why didnt��I make him aware of what was going on, my reply was because he didnt care. He asked how I�know this to be the case and my response was because he was too busy�running the�streets running up in other women and a lot of�other shit. I also told him that he fucked me and my life up. How by the way I�interact with�people and the relationship with men. I cant stand a man who masturbates, every time I�see a man do this I am reminded of the time I watched him doing the same thing. I have a fear of�starving which stems from him locking the cabinets, fridge and�kitchen. So to combat this I buy a surplus of food I mean an�insane amount, I dont�even eat it. I am comforted�by its existence. As far as relationships the idea of being�unworthy comes from him stems from him repeatedly calling me stupid, telling me�I aint worth shit. I learned�about relationships from him, he manipulated people, used his anger,�threats and words to get what he wanted and in some instances I�mimick his behavior.�I remember the time I was raped , the time he looked under my skirt, the time our home was raided, the time he made so many obscene phone calls we were prohibited from having a�phone in our home. I was so�embarrassed! Especially the time he followed behind me�with the blue and silver "bus" beeping the horn trying to holler at me, talking about hey little girl u want some candy. Trying to lure me into the van, his dumb ass didnt recognize I was his daughter! I tried to avoid�him and keep walking but he was incessant� in his cat calling. He made my life hell and has affected me as an adult. Ia always second� guessed, my worth and intelligence but no more!��I released my anger although he said I should hold on to it. He is fucking ass apathetic, sinister,neurotic sociopath. But I refused to be controlled by my�anger/rage for him. I told him that I love you out of sheer obligation because Iam forced to do so. I took�it a step further and told him that I forgive you and dont��know�why he treated me like he did�but I had to let go and go on. which is what I did let go�off all the hurt�feelings and bitterness that I�had been holding on for so long. After the conversation I talked to my�older sister,�who stated that when she told him how she felt� and relinquished her feelings she felt free as� i do. I suspect�there will be others�siblings�2 unleash there�pent up aggression on�him.�Its good to be free and know that I can move on and not have his bad rearing�affect my life and others!
�

However long the night, the dawn will break.


    shirleyxu  54, Female, China - 301 entries
19
Jan 2009
5:09 AM EST
   

欣赏� 简 奥斯丁

�

17 January 2009

�

跟敦敦一道欣赏了简 奥斯丁的作品系列。我问敦敦,为何简一辈子没有结婚但将爱情写得昏天黑地。敦敦说,有爱情的人享受自己的爱情,眼睛只往里看,正因为简未得到爱情,她才能眼睛往外看,细致地观察别人的爱情。

�

经历过缘分的阴差阳错,简把对爱的渴望倾注笔尖。擅长烹调穷人,富人,尤其是中产阶级间的恩怨情仇大菜, 在人们慢慢品尝这爱情的盛宴时,就会知道简最为擅长使用误解的折磨这味辛辣调料。爱和误解是天平两边的砝码,爱越深误解也就越重,按中国人的说法叫做,剪不断理还乱,别有一番滋味在心头。女主角在跌宕起伏中识别对方,也顺便看清楚自己。

�

不论在何种年代,party上,没有男友的女孩的眼睛是扫描机,而有老婆的人眼神是广角镜头。人人都想得到理想爱情,但总会与自己认为是最好的情人擦肩而过。这种猎奇有些时候是个冒险的旅程,搞不好闹得遍体鳞伤,因此在一定年龄后为了不被爱情烤焦,大部分人用婚礼向世人宣布自己终止了本能的探索。简的故事多半写到结婚就不往下写了。每写一个故事,她都投入情感,踏实地在笔纸间恋爱一回。

�

我问敦敦,假设简结了婚还能是成功的作家吗?当然。敦敦回答道,只是做她的丈夫的人多少会有些不自在。如果简有孩子,她会把养育孩子作为主题来贯穿,而不只专注青年男女扑朔迷离的情爱。现在书店里的书太多了,忙乱的生活里要不要花时间来了解了解英国中产阶级骨子里要命的‘含蓄’之爱,You might do as well suppose.

�


    shirleyxu  54, Female, China - 301 entries
19
Jan 2009
5:04 AM EST
   

牛年真‘牛’

�

10 January , 2009

�

牛年转眼就到了,属牛的敦敦,长驱直上地进入长牛骨阶段。接近自己第一个本命年的孩子,情绪激昂,脾气跳动。

�

为控制他玩Wii 的时间,我们这对属牛的母子常有肢体冲撞的时候,上个星期敦敦冲动的时候,朝我的胳膊就是一拳,虽然不太重,但足以打醒了老牛。这小牛不仅长身体,脾气也同步见涨,大有软硬不吃的劲头。老牛深知两牛相争勇者胜的道理,痛定思痛,调整方略。当晚就告知小牛,他长大了,可以独立照顾自己了,从今往后老牛对他的生活不会太加干涉,但要求小牛自己对自己负责,包括每天准备自己的早餐。小牛对此没有异议。从那天起,他按时6点半随闹钟摸黑起床,自己热牛奶,烤面包和香肠,吃完饭,把盘子端到厨房,自己按时上学,一切料理得比老牛想象的顺畅自然。

�

不挨一拳,老牛还真不知道小牛这样的‘牛’。热烈推荐,牛年孩子的妈妈们,是可以放手让小牛们尝试自己做早餐的快乐滋味了。

�


    Jennifer4907  35, Female, Texas, USA - 2 entries
18
Jan 2009
12:56 AM EDT
   

MY LIFE!!!

IT ALL STARTED WITH TWO PEOPLE NAMED DEBRA E SIMMONS AND TIMOTHY V BECKWITH. DEBRA WAS 18 AND TIMOTHY WAS 19. THEY MET ON JULY 23 1982, WELL LETS SKIP ALL THE OTHER STUFF AND GET TO THE POINT LOL. AROUND THE YEAR OF 1986 DEBRA WAS GETTING READY TO GOT TO THE ARMY BUT SOMETHING HAPPENED. SHE FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT SO SHE DIDNT DO WHAT SHE HAD PLANED AND ON SEPTEMBER 2 1986 THEY GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY BOY, THEY NAMED HIM TIMOTHY V BECKWITH JR. SO TIOMTHY GOT A JOB OUT ON THE RODE SO HE WAS NEVER HOME, DEBRA HAD TWO JOBS TO PAY THE BILLS AND SO SHE COULD RAISE HER BABY BOY. WELL ABOUT 3 YEARS LATER SHE FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT AGAIN. THIS TIME SHE GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY GIRL ON OCTOBER 2 1989. WELL DEBRA NAMED HER NATASHA. AND THAT BRING US TO ME. SINCE MY FATHER WAS NEVER AROUND TO HEPL HER RAISE US TWO KIDS SHE HAD TO GET THREE JOBS. SO THAT WAS PRETTY HARD ON HER. SO WE MOVED IN WITH HER MOTHER DIXIE MY GRANDMOTHER. WELL SHE TOOK CARE OF US WHILE SHE WAS WORKING. WELL MY FATHER CAME BACK AROUND FOR A LITTLE WHILE. THEY STARTED HAVE PROBLEMS SO THEY SEPARATED. MY FATHER MOVED TO CONROE AND I STAYED WITH MY MOTHER AND MY BROTHER WENT WITH MY FATHER. A FEW MONTHS LATER MY FATHER BRINGS MY BROTHER BACK. WELL WHEN I WAS 4 AND MY BROTHER JUST TURNED 8, MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY. SO WE MOVED TO CONROE TO LIVE WITH OUR GRANDMOTHER. MY FATHER STILL WASNT AROUND MUCH. SO MY GRANDMOTHER PRETTY MUCH RAISED US. MY FATHER GOT IN TO SOME BAD STUFF AFTER MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY SO HE WAS NEVER A GOOD FATHER. I REALLY DONT KNOW WHO MY FATHER WAS THE ONLY THING I KNOW ABOUT HIM IS THAT HE WAS NEVER THERE FOR US. MY BROTHER AND I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR EACH OTHER EVERY SINCE MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY. WE HAVE BECAME BEST FRIENDS. WHEN I WAS 9 YEARS OLD MY FATHER GOT MARRIED TO A LADY HE MET WHILE HE WAS OUT ON THE RODE. HER NAME IS SHERI SHE WAS 27 AND SHE HAD A LITTLE GIRL NAMED BROOKE. WE THEN MOVED TO ALABAMA, WE LIVED THERE FOR ABOUT A YEAR. SHERI AND MY FATHER STARTED HAVEING THERE PROBLEMS SO WE MOVED BACK TO TEXAS. MY FATHER AND BROTHER BOTH WHERE ALWAYS IN AND OUT OF JAIL SO I LIVED WITH MY GRANDMOTHER. WHEN I WAS 16 I MOVED TO COLORADO TO LIVE WITH MY AUNT CONNIE AND UNCLE MIKE AND MY CUZS ALLISON AND KAYLEIGH. ALLISON WAS 14 AND KAYLEIGH WAS 18. WHILE I WAS UP THERE KAYLEIGH GAVE BIRTH TO A BABY GIRL, SHE NAMED HER HANNAH LAUREN. HANNAH WAS BORN ON AUG. 7 2006. A FEW MONTHS LATER I MOVED BACK TO TEXAS TO LIVE WITH MY GRANDMOTHER. ON JANUARY 11 2007 MY GRANDMOTHERS YOUNGEST SON WHICH WAS MY UNCLE TYSON WAS MURDERED. AND JUST SO YOU KNOW I'M JUST TRYING TO GET YOU UP TO DATE ON WHAT IS GOING ON. NOW BACK TO A FEW THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME, I MET THIS GUY ON THE INTERNET AND WE TALKED FOR A LONG TIME ON THE PHONE AND WE SENT EMAILS BACK AND FORTH. WELL AFTER ALL THE TALKING HE TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME, SO I MOVED TO SOUTH CAROLINA TO BE WITH HIM. WELL THINGS DIDNT WORK OUT SO GOOD SO I MOVED BACK TO TEXAS. TWO DAYS AFTER I GOT BACK FROM SOUTH CAROLINA I MET THIS GUY NAMED BRAD. ON APRIL 9 2007 BRAD AND I STARTED DATING, WE BROKE UP A FEW TIME BUT EVERYONE HAS THERE PROBLEMS. AFTER BEING TOGETHER A FEW MONTHS WE WANTED TO GET MARRIED BUT WE COULDNT BECAUSE I WAS ONLY 17 AND HE WAS 18. SO WE WAITED UNTILL A LITTLE AFTER MY 18TH BIRTHDAY WE GOT MARRIED ON JAN 11 2008. WELL NOW YOU ARE ALMOST UP TO DATE. IT IS NOW JAN 18 2009 AND WE HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER WE HAVE TWO DOGS WE ARE ABOUT TO BIULD A HOUSE, WE DONT HAVE ANY KIDS YET BUT ONE DAY WE HOPE TO HAVE SOME. MY FATHER AND BROTHER ARE STILL LIVING WITH MY GRANDMOTHER, MY FATHER IS 43 AND MY BROTHER IS 22, NOW THATS SAD I'M 19 MARRIED AND OUT ON MY OWN.�


    Jewels101  32, Female, Texas, USA - 11 entries
18
Jan 2009
12:53 AM EDT
   

Words

You now the saying stix nd stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me! well who ever said that was wrong. Yesterday i got called something i never hope to be called again that same pesson(who ive tryed to be friends with) also hates me.The truth is i once liked him and no 1 new it -cuz i keept it a secret-But from then on it was day after day fighting to be his friendand still i�try to be his friend,cuz deep down�inside i feel that if�1 friend is lost my whole world tummbles.I cry every time he�tells me he dosent want to talk to me-mabey�not in front of him but at home. he has a friend whom i like very much and every tme im near him my heart falls out flat cuz he used to like me but noe he dosent.My new saying is�-Stix and stones can break my bones ,but wors can kill my heart!!!!!!�

Jewels


    Jewels101  32, Female, Texas, USA - 11 entries
18
Jan 2009
12:48 AM EDT
   

New

During this new yr Ive gotten manny new things ,clothes,shoes,Freinds,and now this .Hopefuly Ill write in this every day , Mabey-mabey not.My new yrs res. are to get good grades and NOT BITE MY NAILS. But most important to overcome my fears and make new friends along the way.Catachizum starts in less than a week soo that will help the hole friend thing.JuliAnn is starting to come out in me and hopefuly both of our dreams will come true.It wont be long till time runs out for me so ive got to start now. Well its late i probebly should go so gtg write later

����Jewels101

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