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DancingButterfly 48, Female, New York, USA - 13 entries

Sep 2006
7:30 AM EDT

I haven't been very motivated this week. Probably due to the lack of client work for the group recently, and the fact that there's no longer a bus stop right in front of my apartment that takes me directly to the subway station. Have been working from home 2 days this week.. =p I was pretty productive on Monday and actually made 2 full meals though!! First time in a year I think, since I started traveling to Minneapolis last summer. =) The dropping of oil price and rally in the stock market have not been helping our business, so people have been "borrowed" by other groups to keep chargeable. As of last week, my options are Michigan, Atlanta, and some other unknown city in midwest. Pretty exciting isn't it? I am still in the state of hating travel since the last engagement, so hopefully I don't get to be shipped out again too soon...

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1 comment(s) - 06:40 PM - 09/26/2006

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Talacia 34, Female, Australia - 51 entries

Sep 2006
10:09 PM EST

supp? sum gurl named ashleigh died at our skool last friday, so now everyone is going to the funeral today... i guess its sad, i didnt know here, but its still depressing watch people walk around mouping around, and bands on their arms in memory of her... maybe i should go?? but i dont think her friends would appriciate it if i just turned up.... anyhooo, getting ready for the formal YAY mwazh

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3 comment(s) - 07:48 AM - 09/28/2006

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jleigh09 38, Female, United Kingdom - 35 entries

Sep 2006
9:12 AM WET

looking forward to today going shopping need to get out cnt sit in all day i'll go mad. oh my son is started to wake up so i dunn ow far i will get with oyu today journal. i am shattered had a really bad night last night i think tyler is coming down with a cold as he keeps coughing i willl have to keep an eye on that. anyway i will have to get back to you later tyler needs his bottle and a nappy change. bless him he's smiling at the moment while watching his hands and sucking them everything goes in his mouth at the mo he is getting to that stage when he is grabbing things and noticing things more.

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DancingButterfly 48, Female, New York, USA - 13 entries

Sep 2006
2:02 PM EDT

I love the quote today! "People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the salf is not something one finds, it is something one creates. - Thomas Szasz, "Personal Conduct," The Second Sin, 1973." It is true that I can get all caught up sometimes on finding "what I really want deep down" or "how I really think of this and that subconsciously," I forget that living the moment and experiencing life in various aspects are actually ways to define who I am and who I am going to be. Though at this rate, I might just end up being a housewife who cooks a lot, with part-time work as party promoter.. =p Umm...need to think about that~~~

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cyberlullaby 36, Female, New York, USA - First entry!

Sep 2006
10:07 AM EST

Tell me this in the dictionary the following definition is what love is. 1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. 2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend 3. Sexual passion or desire 4. A person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart 5. A love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour But it seems like the world just can't get the fact that love isn't just between a man and a woman, but also between two women or two men.

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Jane 58, Female, New York, USA - 50 entries

Sep 2006
11:06 AM EDT

Had a great day at the pumpkin patch today. Spending the day with a group of 5 year olds can be an eye opening experience. Once I got over the snotty noses I was much better. All in all a good time was everyone.

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SkaterKitty 35, Female, Texas, USA - 10 entries

Sep 2006
8:12 AM CST

Yeah today is a Thursday. The day before our game against Dublin. Which I'm really not looking forward to because their band was 16th in all-state last year which isnt really saying much but the thing is is that they beat us by far. And this year our band isnt all that good because we have a bunch of freshman and sophomores that think they can run the whole show. And thats whats making us all suck. And yeah. Well at least my boyfriend (Carlos Figueroa) is coming to see us. And if we suck, that will make me feel better I think. lol. But yeah. :) I just cant wait for this thing to be over with. Oh yeah. And then on Saturday, I have another Upward Bound meeting which I really hope its not as boring as the last one was becuase that really sucked. But yeah. I'm going to go. byE! from me!! Rose Lewis aka Skater Kitty

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Cumber 36, Female, Texas, USA - First entry!

Sep 2006
4:22 AM PST

Ok so just a few days ago my boyfriend of three and a half years decides that he doesn't knows what he wants anymore....devastated i called my good friend alicia and told her what happened. she tells me that i can't be in that kind of relationship and to try and end it or something. so the next time my boyfriend and i talked he had said that he just doesn't see the diffrence between us being friends versus us being a couple....that was pretty much a slap in the face to me. so i said that we weren't a couple any more and ended it saturday night. it was so hard for me to start telling people the bad news...none of my friends knew highschool without jared and i being a couple. it was really devasting to alot of different people. my mom didn't find out until sunday night....even then i couldn't tell her face to face, i texted her and told her what had happened. everyone that i told got the goosebumps. no one even saw it coming. it was hard-hitting news. my own brother didn't even believe me at first. but once he finally believed me he was behind me 100%. all of my friends have really. my cousin, when my sister told her, started to cry. everyone was hurt, not just me. that following monday at school was really awquard. he wasn't even acting like any thing happened that weekend. he still expects us to be really good friends and hang out and stuff,and i would LOVE to, but he doesn't understand how hard it is for me to retain myself from hugging him or kissing him. i love him so much. i just dont understand. so im trying not to talk to him or hang out with him, you know? just give him some space for right now, but its hard because he is everywhere

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jleigh09 38, Female, United Kingdom - 35 entries

Sep 2006
12:09 PM WET

Ok so its been 3 months since my son was born and he is so beutiful he feels a space in my life that no one could ever feel. the love for my child is a love that cant be explained. Any monther would know that being a mum is being just that 'a mum' and finding time to just be me is hard. I'v changed in myself and sometimes i hate it my confidence my self esteam my body eveything and i dont know how to deal with it my relationship with my partner feels different the touching and the cuddling up seems non exsisting is it me? or is it just he has changed to? he used to make me feel sexy and special and all the things a women wants to feel but now hes tired all the time coz of his job and i just feel so rejected i know he loves me i just wish sometimes he would show it more i'm not a single mum but somedays i feel it. My partner isnt around we dont live together we cant afford private housing so i live with my parents and on the days we see each other i just want a bit of a break and he doesnt understand why. he is OUR son? is it so wrong of me to expect a little help from his father? i know he works hard but being a full time mum although full filling is hard work and tirering with lack of sleep and my son doesn't settle during he day so i am constantly on my feet or trying to get him to sleep or just occupying him. dont get me wrong i enjoy it but some times it is nice to have a day where i can relax just a bit. i just wish my partner would understand. everyday i look at myself god i hate what i see i feel so unattractive does he see the same? i dont know what to think sometimes my whole world has changed and as much as i love my world i'm not keen on me any more i want my confidence back i wanna like myself.I'm so scared that my son will one day see what i see in myself i love him i just dont want to dissapoint him.

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1 comment(s) - 08:25 AM - 09/20/2006

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jleigh09 38, Female, United Kingdom - 35 entries

Sep 2006
9:24 PM WET

This is my second entry today it feels good you know to just let my thougths out. Today i have said things that are bothering me about myself and how my insecureties cause me to question everything. i dunno if anyone will understand where i am coming from but if there is anyone that does its nice to know i'm not alone and what is nice is that i can express how i feel publicly and noy have anyone i know question how i feel or doubt me etc. Everyday i just wish for more then what i have i want to be with my partner and son i want us to live together but its impossible here property is so expensive private renting is no match for the minimun wage anyone who has been to England might know what i mean. i live at home with my parents and my nan plus my brother 17 and sister 18 and it crowded we have a nice house but there just to many of us in it. I am great with my son and i'm a great mum but my nan just cant help but interfear all the time "do this" "do that" , "he is due a bottle" , "ur doing it wrong he feels insecure with you!" i mean all she ever does i tell me how to raise him an what to do and i hate it i'm his mum i know when he is hungry and i know i dont need her advice i hate the way she makes m feel useless with him it really gets to me. All she does is sit in the living room all dat watching t.v. she doesnt do anything she is the hypercondriac(excuse spelling) from hell shes always got somehting wrong with her ven if it is just a head ache. Sometimes i just wanna scream at her. I wish she could be more grateful for what my parents do for her and be more considerate of what they want. MY nan had cancer and it was caught really early and i have a friend who is dying from it and she doesnt act no where near like my nan she enjoys life and makes the most of it my nn just waists it and acts like she is dying why cant she be grateful for what she got and be grateful for what she hasny got if you know what i mean. i dont have much of a relationship with her so living with her for the past 2 years is hard she never really made an effort with me as a kid just ran me down and made me feel like crap and now im 19 she still does it. She drives me crazy and i cant talk to my family i dont wanna upset them i hate living here and i hate being around her i cant help it i just want my own space and do my own thing and be with the people i love the most. my nan never really made me feel like she loved ,e and i find i really hard to feel that strong about her she always made me my bro and sis feel like outcasts of the family she never really made an affort with us.

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