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Who would ever think that life would be the one to throw and toss you about like a long lost stuff animal? That life would, even when it was going great, throw a ball at you that would knock you off your feet. It seemed impossible.

Yet, that is what happened. It is what happened when I was molested at a young age and then almost raped before school. This is what happened when I was deinosed with being bi-polar and metally, emotionally, and psycologically insane. It seems impossible for a fourteen year old to go through this and still survive.

Yet, this is my story and my life that I have survived. This is my tale of woe and terror that I live with and still echo. I wish, if anything, to be born again without this itch to kill.

But, through this all, I have had friends that stand, still, beside me and have helped me. If anything, I would be surprised if the still would like me for the lies I have told them.

Lesson One: Tell the truth before you find the harshness of reality has slammed into your face.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Refrain

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, "Let them come to Me."

Refrain

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Refrain

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven's gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Refrain

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

Refrain

Our 1 year anniversary is on Sunday...I can't believe that a year has passed. Since David has to be in Wichita on Sunday morning for work.. I decided to make him a cake and give him an anniversary card...I figure that even with the problems we still had to acknowledge the day...

I baked a wonderful cake and decorated it. Charlie though ruined the cake by getting on the counter and licking the icing off of one side of the cake..BAD DOG!

David did not come home from Paul's house until 3am. He called and woke me up to let me know he was on his way. (he has not done that in a while)...I showed him the cake and the card...he did not say anything, just went to bed.

On Saturday morning, David apologized to me for going to Paul's house when it was our anniversary and that he was sorry he missed it. I explained to him that our anniversary was on Sunday, but since he had to leave on Saturday evening to go to Wichita, I thought that we could celebrate earlier...he just said he probably would have forgotten anyways...

David did take me out to lunch for out anniversary at Cascone's--it was a nice lunch

I turn to you.

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way.
And when I'm scared,
And losing ground,
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there
- pushing me to the top.
You're always there,
giving me all you've got.

Best Friends forever sometimes isn' true

but we will still be friends.

"Friends forever," you promised.
Together til the end.
We did everything together.
You were my best friend.

When i was sad, you were by my side.
When i was scared, you felt my fear.
You were my best support.
If i needed you, you were there.

You were the greatest friend,
You always knew what to say:
You made everything seem better.
As long as we had eachother,
Everything would be okay.

But somewere along the line,
We slowly came apart.
I was here, you were there,
It tore a hole in my heart.

Things are changing,
Our cheerful music reversed its tune.
It was like having salt with out pepper,
A sun with out its moon.

Suddenly we were miles apart,
Two differnt people, with nothing the same.
It was as if we hadn't been friends;
Although we knew eachother deep in.
Neither one of was to blame.

You had made many friends,
And surprising I did too.
But that didnt change the hurt.
The loss of our friendship makes me cry.
I fall asleep crying because your on my mind.

As we grow, things must change
But they don't always come to a end,
Even though it is differnt now,
You will always be my friend.

To all you people who you think

you missing a huge part in your life.

The hope that carries you,
belongs to the lord that cherishes you.
God took the pain so you didnt have to,
so you dont have to go through the pain you`re going through.
when you think faith is gone,
grace is gone,
its there,
dont be scared.
hold your head up high beautiful,
youre immuatble.

have faith because your strong,
even when you think all hope is gone.
don`t give up because your lost,
you`ll never know how much you cost.
you`ll get through,
i promise you.
he took 99 hits to his back,
just because the devil attacked,
never looked back,
he always knew we were worth dying for,
his heart is whole.

filled with our love,
life is going to hurt you in plenty ways,
days after days.
learn to be yourself.
with gods love and effection,
he knows you`re total perfection.
your friends have all betrayed you,
the pain you think you`ll never get through.
God puts people in your life for a season,
a reason,
and a lifetime.

people are always going to hate you,
and break you,
but you have to choose whos going to break you and make you.
God wont never let you fall,
you can think you fallen so hard on the ground,
and your dignity isnt found,
but i promise you God will not let you fall to the ground.
we serve a God who is able,
to do anything.
trust him with everything.
don`t let the devil break you down,
stand up on the higher ground.