view member journals

Diet changes:

1. South Beach phase I beginning today
2. Avesil 3x daily
3. increased green veg
4. increased protein

Pics this Sunday.

Weight this a.m. 214.

Strength workout.

I saw him again! The elf that lives in my room and follows me all the time!! I'm so happy.

Here's how�it happened�went:

� I was staying up really late working on a Psychology Journal Review for Barbara, my college professor. Every one was asleep, and the only noise I could her was the ticking of the clocks and my typing. I was getting into my second to last paragraph when I felt movement behind me. Startled, I turn around quickly ( I do my work on my bed) and I almost fall when I felt a pair of soft, feminine-like hands stealthilly grip my arms and pull me back onto my bed. " Are you alright?" , asked the stranger. Immediately, I recognized that deep, silky voice. I turned around and, sure enough, it was my elf that was there. I was so overjoyed, that I basically had to hold myself back from hugging him. I guess he read my mind because he smiled at me, leaned in, and kissed my forehead. I hated myself for letting him do that because my face gets hot and pink every time I'm with a boy. But, I couldn't let that get to me because I finally got to see him again. I asked him why did he pick now of all times to come and visit. He said that he would have visited me everyday but I was always busy, and he didn't want his brother getting suspicious and following him. And he told me that he wanted some alone time with me to talk for a while. So we talked endlessly about our lives and stuff like that. He seems to have such a nice family. I wish I could meet them all.

At my Bffs yeah!

no one is here she went to go get her sister from school.

*sigh*� lonesome sould have went with her oh well� I need to start writeing more it feels better when I get it all out and you don't ignore me.

This upcomeing exam is so stressfull man I kinda wish I never sighned up for it but its colledge credits thats good.

it just adds to my stress. God i forgot about her cats

i think maybe I should work on getting� Boyfriend soon I mean i am getting lonelyer now that like all of my friends are paired up...

and their are a few boy who are kinda cute at school my as well before we never see each other again

may be its the end of school that depresses me so much I need a distraction, someone besides the computer who will listen to me... my friends have proved they won't listen to me all they see is their problems and expect me to see only that as well

their are noone in my classes and i wish i had more friends in them i dont like sitting alone man I'm glad i skiped AVID today it woud have been bruteal like Chem was...I dont feel like anyone cares for me really cause they want to but because they have to I know this is kinda pathetic but Ireally don't see what others see in me whats so special about me� like the ubushi(fruits basket) on your back i guess...

I thought maybe shoping would make me feel better but i guess that was only temparary i was thinkin maybe ill go to TRU next year� cause their oviously isn't anything here for me but this lonleyness and ill make new friends ... i need that less needy ones

I've fallen into my own personal prison

Drowning in that midnight ocean

Locked away deep inside

Waiting for the pain to subside

�

����������������������������������������������������������� One of these days I'll forget you

����������������������������������������������������������� And then maybe�I�wont feel�so blue

�����������������������������������������������������������Only if I could find the right path

���������������������������������������������������������� And escape your wretched wrath

�

I�never ment to let you down

When I�took my last breath at sundown

You'll regret it once Im gone

Dissapearing like that� mysterious fawn

�����������������������������������

������������������������������������������������You dont know what its like to be forgotten

�����������������������������������������������������������You dont know what its like to be hated

����������������������������������������������������You dont know what it feels like to be�numb

Because you dont know....

I am 25. Never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed.Never had sex.

All day long, I just soak myself in my own dream world.In reality. I feel miserable.

I have high self esteem I believe.But why, do I feel so empty inside right now?

I don't hang out with OTHER people, all I do is stay within my comfort zone of familiar friends and family.I ain't going to know any other new friends. My life is so lonely.

The only thing that occupies my thoughts are negative right now.How I missed Raj, how I hate Raj, how I hate myself, how I hate etc etc etc.

God pls help. I need a GREAT guy and find happiness in an intimate relationship!!

Raj, I miss you so badly. My world is still stuck in the year 2008. How can I ever move on ? I am so scard. I am so scard like shit that you will leave one day.

I have not seen you for so long.I need my pride, so badly,and this is the only way for me to do it. Yet now six weeks have passed, and I feel like seeing you again. These six weeks have seemed eternal to me,isn't it?

I can imagine, maybe a year from now, you could be a father of someone's else child.You could be the husband of someone else. What aBOUT ME??�DO YOU EVER THINK OF ME? DO YOU EVEN MISS ME?

Have you totally left me?�I still think about those early days when we first met.You would do silly things to gain my attention, you were so sweet back then.Why didn't u continue and follow your hearT?�Raj, I need you.

please, call me. i ask for god to unite us. pls.

Rested, relaxed and in light of getting more serious about diet aspect of the program beginning tomorrow I indulged in some chocolate.

Again, same day, two years later, reunion.

This is going to be a fucking blast.

$32