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So I'm not really good at keeping journals. Ever. But you know what people say. Writing things down can help you figure yourself out. So here I am, writing my first entry on probably one of the billionth online journal sites I've found. See, I'd keep a physical journal. Like a note book or something.�Except I happen to be a pretty messy person. So I'd lose it in about 3 or 4 hours. That's only a guesstimate though. So I doubt that anybody's actually reading this, but if you are, I suppose I should introduce myself...

�Well I'm not going to. So you should probably stop reading now if you were expecting some incredibly fancy summary of my life and who I am. If I already knew who I was, I wouldn't be here writing down rubbish and trying to "discover my real self". I kind of wonder if there's any sophisticated people on this site or if it's just a bunch of depressed people who want to complain�about their life and right dark poetry. I semi�scanned through the user entries and didn't really see anything too inspirational. No offence guys, but you really could vamp up what you're going to put on here. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I wasn't really expecting to have any readers by now.

Right now my sister is blasting some modern rap music that could possibly make my ears bleed while doing some weird dance that shouldn't even be legal. I sort of want to tell her to shut it off but I guess it'll be something else I can hold over her head later. On account that I have my camera taping the whole thing while she reamains completely oblivious. You probably think that everyone in Alaska rides caribou and dresses like Sarah Palin. Well, I wouldn't know. I don't live in Alaska, I just wish I did. I mean, who likes humidity anyways?

I have a whole theory about my future living in Alaska. Everything will be awesome because I'll never have to worry about frivolous things like sweat stains or frizzy hair. Not only that, but the girl to boy ratio in Alaska is like totally out of whack, so I would have no problem ever having a boyfriend. I mean, who needs a bunch of girls running around raining on my parade. I've found that girls tend to be totally annoying and way to complex for me to have anything to do with, and all they do is stab you in the back and then steal your boyfriend. Who wants that?

So I've decided I'm going to try and make this first entry here so long nobody will be able to finish it. That would be completely epic. I have found that lately there is absolutely nothing good in the theaters. Everything is rated R, which of course I can't get in to. They have police outside the doors to every theater, so movie hopping isn't an option. Oh and they require ID, it's totally whack. Anyways, there's no good movies that are PG-13. I don't know if the directors and movie makers realize, but there is a substantial group of people who range from the ages of 13 to 16. They are called "A large majority of most teenagers". I think I could easily say teenagers are one of the most influential groups in Hollywood. I mean, we decide what's what. It's cool to have like 2 or 3 good R movies in theaters, but seriously. The only movie that's not rated R is Shorts, which is rated PG. Which is pretty much like stabbing my eyes.

I mean, I don't know if they think we're completely niave nowadays or something, but we actually know a decent amount about sex and violence. I mean, it's not like we're all innocent little Catholic school girls who have the sex education of a 6 year old or something. And they think we can't watch violence because it'll influence us to like kill people or something. But we can't really get a hold of guns or anything. By allowing adults to watch violence, they're encouraging adults to go out and buy guns and murder their bosses or something. See? It's retarded. They think we're influenced by every little thing we see. If that was so, I'd be an Obama fanatic right now. But despite the medias effort at such I still completely hate the guy. Just because I watch someone kill someone in a movie (that is so clearly edited) doesn't mean I'm going to run out like a barbarian with a kitchen knife and slaughter the first person I see.

If I was influenced by everything I saw, I wouldn't ever have a clear idea of anything. I'd be surfing the web and run across an add telling me to go buy a goat. Then I'd be like "Hey I want a goat". Then I'd see another add that told me I should never buy a goat. Would my mind automatically change and I wouldn't want a goat anymore? I mean, our minds aren't that volatile?�I really don't think so. Otherwise I'd be running around looking like a giant ball of lard and screaming like Eric Cartman. But I'm not, and I'm a total South Park fanatic. So what are the adults getting at? I think they just want to deprive us of any entertainment.�

I mean, I remember when I was like 9 years old. I'd be watching something on TV, and then one of those ads would come on. It'd be like advertising some awesome product that a normal 9 year old would totally want, and then some number would pop up on the screen. And it'd be like call this now and get your (insert product here)! But not if you're not 18!�Then the add would end and you'd be left like "What the fuck?". Wondering how they could seduce you and then take it all away. That's just cruel. Perfect example of how adults just want us to suffer. Mwahahahahahahahhaahaaa...

Honestly this is just getting boring. I will now proceed to copy and paste this long, obnoxious message on several other sites. That's right, I'm a pandemic. You can't stop me. You're probably wondering "Is this the first site?�Or has she posted it on like 6 others before this?"...

No way. There's no way in hell someone actually read all this. Adios.

Why am I even saying bye?

go to school online and need a job in management or accouting entry level for now

现代艺术？

�

昨天看完上海现代艺术展，回家忍不住向敦敦炫耀一下我的见闻，没想到碰了一鼻子灰。Do you like contemporary art？ “No”。 Why not? �Cause it’s dumb. Why do so many people love it? Cause many people are dumb. Give me an example please. Like the fat women statue displayed in last year exhibition, it’s fat women, it’s just fat women.

�

我认为现代艺术所追求的是用模糊的，想像的和超前的意境来泼洒自己对这个世界的感受，在追求的过程中，敏感，冲动并且神经质的艺术家们就常常失去方向进而陷入迷茫。

�

如果让我来定义现代艺术的话，我就会用如下的描述：现代艺术是一群迷茫的艺术家，向大众展现他们对自己进入迷茫状态的一种享受。

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敦敦说的也许没错，时不时地发傻也许是现代人和现代艺术的不可缺少的重要元素之一。

I made it through another day.... It's amazes me people ask how you are not because they actually care but to make convo. Most dont even really listen. Half that do only because they are hoping you are worse of then them. Those that do only care because they care for you &�are secrety hoping you will hurry up &�get over this. I know no one wants to hear that I still love &�miss him but I do. I do every damn I miss him. I miss our family life, I miss our sex, I miss being loved, I miss kissing him by every morning &�Aleea doing also, I miss the way he knew what I like &�needed, I miss having someone to talk to. I miss so much! I miss having someone there not only someone but I miss him. Does he miss me? Does he still love me? Will I ever stop loving & needing him?

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

It never ends, and the storms never die down. The only calm to be known, is the belief that what has passed was not as bad as what is still to come. Every day weighs heavier, the sense of some beginnings end, and of the spaces that are left in between. Unsettling, that even the spaces do not render the storms calm. No, it is never ending.